Marriage separation question

Hunter1602 · #1 03-07-2016, 05:51 PM

Well, the wife and I have decided to go our separate ways.
We are still good friends and things are very amicable between us.
We have a young son together, and will be sharing custody.
I just have a couple questions from anyone that has gone through the process.

1) When can the divorce application begin?
2) Do we need lawyers for the process?
Any extra information would be helpful for us to discuss.

Thanks in advance.
Regards,
H1602

Fisherpeak · #2 03-07-2016, 05:58 PM

First get a separation agreement drawn up and signed. Child support, custody and visitation ect. Save you a lot of crap most times. Pretty cheap, go to a lawyer together after you agree on terms and sign.

A no fault divorce is the best way to go if you can.
I`m not a lawyer but I have stayed in a Best Western while I getting D`d.

CaberTosser · #3 03-07-2016, 06:00 PM

I don't have any input from the adults perspective, but I was once the 7 year old boy involved in a divorce so if you have any questions about that angle I'll answer what I can. It's nice to hear of an amicable one for once, my parents kept things pretty reasonable/sane when they parted ways.

Canehdianman · #4 03-07-2016, 06:01 PM

So long as it stays amicable, you can do a "do your own divorce" clinic in most major cities.

Celtir · #5 03-07-2016, 06:06 PM

Recommend going through mediation. It's cheaper than jumping in with lawyers and you can get the agreement drawn up and then take it to the lawyer.

Fisherpeak · #6 03-07-2016, 06:11 PM

Oh , meant to say, sorry for your troubles, hope everything works out O.K. It`s a tough thing.

CaberTosser · #7 03-07-2016, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fisherpeak

Oh , meant to say, sorry for your troubles, hope everything works out O.K. It`s a tough thing.

I can understand that sentiment, but I don't see divorces as the end of something, they're more like the beginning of something else. If things aren't working out don't go prolonging the situation, its better for everyone. I got 3 siblings and a whole extended family that I'd not have had otherwise if my parents stayed together.

coolpete1 · #8 03-07-2016, 06:39 PM

i wrote my own seperation agreement , had it notarized , then we got a paralegal to write up the divorce papers , you have to be seperated for a year before divorce is settled but you can get your paperwork in early and it will sit at the courthouse till the year is past. pretty easy process if there is no fight . oh and you have to go to a parenting after divorce class and include the paperwork from it with the divorce papers . we went together and got some weird looks.

Drewski Canuck · #9 03-07-2016, 07:22 PM

You WILL BOTH need a lawyer for the Minutes of Separation under the Matrimonial Property Act to be binding, as Independent Legal Advice is a condition of a binding Property Agreement (S. 37 - 38 MPA).

You COULD do a Desk Divorce yourselves without Counsel.

Don't listen to the arm chair crowd claiming that they notarized an Agreement that they drafted themselves.

The Act is quite clear. I have seen these situations unravel in my practice, and what one party thought was the deal, is not a defence to the ongoing action for more property under the Matrimonial Property Act.

Drewski

bobtodrick · #10 03-07-2016, 07:31 PM

Been divorced ten years now.
As others have said do the mediation route or what is known as collabrative divorce (you each have lawyers but they and you are not antagonistic with each other).
Unless there are mitigating circumstance the court will want to grant 50/50 shared cd custody. Thankfully the days of the father getting to see his kids one weekend month are pretty much a thing of the past. As my lawyer pointed out, the fathers these days that complain they never get to see their kids fail to mention that there are drug or alcohol issues.
We each hired a collabrative lawyer and at the end of the years separation my total lawyers fee was $1500, and that included all papers filed etc.
If you can remain civil and keep in mind that (IMO) the one who shouldn't suffer is you son, it can actually happen fairly inexpensively and pain free.
Sometimes these things just don't work out and no one is really to blame.

sns2 · #11 03-07-2016, 07:31 PM

Listen to Drewski. The Hatfields probably thought the McCoys were good neighbours at one time.

Johnny199r · #12 03-07-2016, 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobtodrick

Been divorced ten years now.
As others have said do the mediation route or what is known as collabrative divorce (you each have lawyers but they and you are not antagonistic with each other).
Unless there are mitigating circumstance the court will want to grant 50/50 shared cd custody. Thankfully the days of the father getting to see his kids one weekend month are pretty much a thing of the past. As my lawyer pointed out, the fathers these days that complain they never get to see their kids fail to mention that there are drug or alcohol issues.
We each hired a collabrative lawyer and at the end of the years separation my total lawyers fee was $1500, and that included all papers filed etc.
If you can remain civil and keep in mind that (IMO) the one who shouldn't suffer is you son, it can actually happen fairly inexpensively and pain free.
Sometimes these things just don't work out and no one is really to blame.

This. Do not get nasty and bankrupt each other with huge legal fees.

Try your best to be amicable about kids/property.

roper1 · #13 03-07-2016, 09:25 PM

I'd listen to Drewski, he's been through more divorces than any of us.....

I would also get it on paper ASAP, if stuff goes south they might play the access card. My ex of many years ago( who my family, friends, & myself) thought was an angel, tried to play that angle every time she was grumpy or trying to push my buttons, access was the only hard stance I had.
Things are all amicable for you now, hope you never disagree on schooling, place of residence, etc.
All the best, it isn't easy.

avb3 · #14 03-07-2016, 11:18 PM

When I got divorced 12 years ago, we simply waited the year, she filed for divorce, we got our independent legal advise, and away we went. Cost me $800 at the time.

As there is a minor child involved, things are a bit more complicated. Custody shared or not? If not, one of you will be paying the other child support, based on your income the federal rates have set out. There is not much choice there. There may be extras such as sports activities, etc. Those extras you can negotiate.

Best you and your ex write down what you agree to, and go over it before you see any lawyer. That ensures you both actually are on the same page, and not have a kink thrown into the armor.

Northern Spirit · #15 03-08-2016, 01:19 AM

I got divorced in 2008. Went to the courthouse in red deer picked up a divorce kit for 250 dollars. Filled everything out myself , courthouse had a lady working in family law ( who wasn't a lawyer) check everything over submitted to family court . 4 months later I was divorced. 250 dollars and no lawyers involved We had been separated over a year though

D4l3k · #16 03-08-2016, 04:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by avb3

When I got divorced 12 years ago, we simply waited the year, she filed for divorce, we got our independent legal advise, and away we went. Cost me $800 at the time.

As there is a minor child involved, things are a bit more complicated. Custody shared or not? If not, one of you will be paying the other child support, based on your income the federal rates have set out. There is not much choice there. There may be extras such as sports activities, etc. Those extras you can negotiate.

Best you and your ex write down what you agree to, and go over it before you see any lawyer. That ensures you both actually are on the same page, and not have a kink thrown into the armor.

Even with shared custody, they take your t4 at the end of the year and compare it to her's, if you make more money then her you pay, IE joint custody ex makes 40k and I make 70k, I pay ~260 a month per child

If she had sole custody, then it would be about 400-500 some a month per child if you make ~70k

The worst is if she remarries and doesn't work
They only compare your t4 to her's, NOT her and her new husband

That is where you get totally screwed, because then it looks like she makes nothing and you pay way more, and there is nothing you can do about it, it is equal child support as if she has sole custody

You CANNOT ask where the money goes, she can spend it 100% on booze or drugs, and it is perfectly legal for her to do so

Unregistered user · #17 03-08-2016, 05:12 AM

Family court mediation services. It is free, book an appointment right away. They help you draw up a legally binding agreement which a judge will rubber-stamp when it goes before him. If you start arguing in front of the mediator you will be advised to get lawyers. If you and your spouse are friends now, you probably wont be once you hire lawyers as they make gold as long as you two are fighting.

Mb-MBR · #18 03-08-2016, 07:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drewski Canuck

You WILL BOTH need a lawyer for the Minutes of Separation under the Matrimonial Property Act to be binding, as Independent Legal Advice is a condition of a binding Property Agreement (S. 37 - 38 MPA).

You COULD do a Desk Divorce yourselves without Counsel.

Don't listen to the arm chair crowd claiming that they notarized an Agreement that they drafted themselves.

The Act is quite clear. I have seen these situations unravel in my practice, and what one party thought was the deal, is not a defence to the ongoing action for more property under the Matrimonial Property Act.

Drewski

THIS........we decided to call it quits amicably, drew up and agreed to all contents of our agreement, thought we could get one lawyer to represent us and come to find not the case. So we had to each get our own lawyer, once she had hers he immediately states, "I can get you more then this if you want", she stuck to her guns and said this is what we agreed to so review and advise. Found my lawyer and he says, "you're paying way to much, I can cut this back and offer you more protection"......I asked him if he was working for me and he said yes, then I told him to provide me a quote for the service required.........ended up costing us 3k each!!!!! Just to review what we had drafted.....

You will each need legal counsel....sad to say.

roper1 · #19 03-08-2016, 08:58 AM

I was able to get my ex to sign off on the province re-handling the support, I paid her directly, never had to show a T4. It did allow me some flexibility on how the cash was spent, & it allowed me to buy direct lots of stuff; school clothes, school supplies, 1/2 ski passes, more flexibility on a whole range of issues that could be different 5 years from now. Good luck.

Knownonscents · #20 03-08-2016, 09:04 AM

If you can handle things like grown adults then do yourself the favor and stay away from the courts.

I'm sorry to hear about it but that's life. I've been through it myself about 5-6 yrs ago. We did not get along well but we got along well enough to handle our business privately. Lol. We still don't get along well but both know it's in our best interest to stay out of the court system. Only thing you need to do by the books is the divorce. Don't go legal with custody unless one of you can be irrational.

Good luck.

theycallmeNoah · #21 03-08-2016, 10:39 AM

My ex and I chose to not fight over anything.

I went to a lawyer to see how the process went and to protect myself financially as he was very bad with money.

After one year of separation the papers were filed. Less than one month later our divorce was granted.

We worked out everything ourselves (money, house, child support, custody).

I was the only one that retained a lawyer. I wanted to make sure everything was done correctly and it was well worth the $2500.

When everything was said and done, my lawyer looked at me and said "this is how it should be done"

Good luck and as Caber said, it's not necessarily an end but rather the beginning of something else.

I'm happily remarried, have amazing in-laws, and my girls have the Dad (I HATE the term step-dad) that they deserve

bobtodrick · #22 03-08-2016, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D4l3k

Even with shared custody, they take your t4 at the end of the year and compare it to her's, if you make more money then her you pay, IE joint custody ex makes 40k and I make 70k, I pay ~260 a month per child

If she had sole custody, then it would be about 400-500 some a month per child if you make ~70k

The worst is if she remarries and doesn't work
They only compare your t4 to her's, NOT her and her new husband

That is where you get totally screwed, because then it looks like she makes nothing and you pay way more, and there is nothing you can do about it, it is equal child support as if she has sole custody

You CANNOT ask where the money goes, she can spend it 100% on booze or drugs, and it is perfectly legal for her to do so

Sorry...that is total B.S.
It's not his kid...why should be be responsible for it.
IT IS YOUR KID...shouldn't have had children if you're now going to whine that it's costing you money.
Very seldom in this day and age does one parent get sole custody...if they do, the other parent is screwing up somewhere.

guysmiley · #23 03-08-2016, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobtodrick

Sorry...that is total B.S.
It's not his kid...why should be be responsible for it.
IT IS YOUR KID...shouldn't have had children if you're now going to whine that it's costing you money.
Very seldom in this day and age does one parent get sole custody...if they do, the other parent is screwing up somewhere.

D4l3k did say that he had a joint custody arrangement. The issue is the difference in incomes. If he and his ex made the same money, there would be no support. His issue (which is very valid) is when the ex remarries someone who is wealthy enough that she can stop work. Her wages go to 0 and the ratio or income difference gets bigger, so child support gets bigger.

Of course D4l3k could also marry rich and reverse the situation.

I watched my Brother in Law go through this exact same thing. His ex didn't declare her income causing a large difference between their two incomes. He pays and pays and pays....

javlin101 · #24 03-08-2016, 12:55 PM

Go talk to a good lawyer, most will do the first meeting for free. They can advise you on how to proceed and also how to protect yourself. Some Divorces start out amicable and go completely sideways. You both cannot use the same lawyer as it would be a conflict of interest for the lawyer.

If the child is not his but has lived with him for a long period of time the judge can rule for child support. When kids are involve get a lawyer!

bobtodrick · #25 03-08-2016, 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guysmiley

D4l3k did say that he had a joint custody arrangement. The issue is the difference in incomes. If he and his ex made the same money, there would be no support. His issue (which is very valid) is when the ex remarries someone who is wealthy enough that she can stop work. Her wages go to 0 and the ratio or income difference gets bigger, so child support gets bigger.

Of course D4l3k could also marry rich and reverse the situation.

I watched my Brother in Law go through this exact same thing. His ex didn't declare her income causing a large difference between their two incomes. He pays and pays and pays....

Still doesn't wash.
The child support you pay is related to what YOU OWE to raise YOUR CHILD.
Doesn't matter if the guy is rich and the ex can afford to stay home.
IT'S YOUR CHILD.
As long as you are getting proper visitation IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO BRING UP YOUR CHILD.
So many don't get this. They have the idea that just because the ex remarries someone who makes more money than you, then that means you have no financial responsibility to the child.
And so many dead beat fathers wonder why their kids want nothing to to with them later in life.

Kaz Dog · #26 03-08-2016, 01:26 PM

This is where I am confused.

If a wife finds a good man to marry again, this is good. BUT, why can she decide to leave her job ($0 income), if that is an economic decision resulting from her new marriage?

My limited understanding of the law is that a man can not decide to leave his job ($0 income) - or even lower his income - and have the court change the support payments. So if the man can not do this, why could the women, and then have the support payment increased from ex-husband?

This is assuming my limited knowledge is correct. If my information is flawed, please ignore this inquiry.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobtodrick

Still doesn't wash.
The child support you pay is related to what YOU OWE to raise YOUR CHILD.
Doesn't matter if the guy is rich and the ex can afford to stay home.
IT'S YOUR CHILD.
As long as you are getting proper visitation IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO BRING UP YOUR CHILD.
So many don't get this. They have the idea that just because the ex remarries someone who makes more money than you, then that means you have no financial responsibility to the child.
And so many dead beat fathers wonder why their kids want nothing to to with them later in life.

ak77 · #27 03-08-2016, 02:02 PM

My buddy divorced about 5 years ago or so. after first view months of using lawyers he got about 25K bill (at $450/hr), and she got close to 45K (at $650/hr). After that they called each other, went to the divorce clinic (they already been separated for 1 year), discussed terms, paid the clinic to notarize their scribble notes. Submitted to the divorce court, paid whatever fee attached few hundreds. All done.

Same for my brother. Good terms, went to the clinic, split assets, split liabilities. Boom done.

While on good terms - put it on papers. Don't involve the lawyers.

Talking moose · #28 03-08-2016, 02:10 PM

Who comes out ahead on divorces????

Lawyers.

gordfishing · #29 03-08-2016, 02:17 PM

the more you fight/argue/disagree the more the lawyer make

CanuckShooter · #30 03-08-2016, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kaz Dog

This is where I am confused.

If a wife finds a good man to marry again, this is good. BUT, why can she decide to leave her job ($0 income), if that is an economic decision resulting from her new marriage?

My limited understanding of the law is that a man can not decide to leave his job ($0 income) - or even lower his income - and have the court change the support payments. So if the man can not do this, why could the women, and then have the support payment increased from ex-husband?

This is assuming my limited knowledge is correct. If my information is flawed, please ignore this inquiry.

Knew this fellow that was going through his 2nd divorce....both his lovely X's wanted so much from him in support he just left and went underground. Now both those greedy women get nothing.