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07-30-2019, 11:22 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 5,611
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Davey Boy
Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Alberta is planning to do its own, titled
'Survivor - Alberta Style.'
The contestants will start in Calgary, travel over to Brooks and Lethbridge .
Then, they will head north to Wainwright then up to Cold Lake.
From there they will proceed to Fort Mac, Slave Lake and Grand Prairie.
Then final leg will be back to Calgary !
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with Quebec license plates and a HUGE bumper
sticker that reads one of the following:
I'm gay. I'm a vegetarian. Beer is harmful to your health. Conservatives suck.
Trudeau is God. Deer hunting is murder, and I'm here to confiscate your guns.'
The first one that makes it back to Calgary alive wins...
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You forgot one more: oil is bad, pipelines are no more! Increase the transfer payment from Alberta to Quebec....
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07-30-2019, 02:24 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Calgary
Posts: 2,317
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ghostguy6
"Everything in life that I enjoy is either illegal, immoral, fattening or causes cancer!"
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Yeah, I've been reading all about that sorta thing; and also reading about the bad effects of smoking, drinking, over-eating junk food, and too much sex.
I finally decided to give up reading.
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08-04-2019, 04:04 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 3,412
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When gamers take up bowhunting.
Although effective, I would not want to try this technique on dangerous game.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKS6mnUlDJM
__________________
“One of the sad signs of our times is that we have demonized those who produce, subsidized those who refuse to produce, and canonized those who complain.” - Thomas Sowell
“We seem to be getting closer and closer to a situation where nobody is responsible for what they did but we are all responsible for what somebody else did.”- Thomas Sowell
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08-12-2019, 03:45 PM
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Moderator
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 7,645
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08-12-2019, 11:25 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 584
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Rodney dangerfield quote
My father was a workaholic, you even whisper work and he would drink his face off.
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08-13-2019, 10:42 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,628
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A 70-year-old lonely widow thought it was time for her to marry again…
In the local newspaper ad she put, it read: ”Searching for a new husband! He must be of my age group, must not beat or run around on me and has to be good in bed. Applicants are required to apply in person.”
The next day, she heard the doorbell. To her surprise, she opened it and saw a gray-haired gentleman in a wheelchair. The gentleman had no arms or legs.
” Look at you-you have no legs. You aren`t asking me to consider you, right?
” That`s why I can`t run around you!” he replied smiling.
” You have no arms either!” she continued.
” That`s why I will never beat you!” the old man said, smiling again.
‘Well, are you still good in bed then?” she asked intently.
“Well, I rang the doorbell didn't I ?” the old man said, beaming a big smile.
__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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08-14-2019, 10:16 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,628
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...
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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08-14-2019, 10:18 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,628
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Another actor ruined by drugs...
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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08-14-2019, 10:21 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,628
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What scares you?
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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08-14-2019, 10:22 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,628
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Today's american family
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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08-15-2019, 11:00 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: edmonton
Posts: 3,116
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A nun teaching religion was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to heaven..... which part of your body goes first?
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think its your hands."
"Why do you think its your hands, Suzy?" said the Nun.
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think its your legs".
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.
Now Little Johnnie, why would you think it would be your legs?
Little Johnny said,"Well I walked into mommy and daddy's bedroom the other night..
Mommy had her legs straight up in the air, and she was saying, "OH GOD, I'M COMING!".
If dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her!"
THE NUN FAINTED!
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" Everything in life that I enjoy is either illegal, immoral, fattening or causes cancer!"
"The problem was this little thing called the government and laws."
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09-19-2019, 10:05 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 3,412
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New and Improved!
The further adventures of Justin...ummm, err, ahhhh, Johnny Quest.
Colourized 2019.
__________________
“One of the sad signs of our times is that we have demonized those who produce, subsidized those who refuse to produce, and canonized those who complain.” - Thomas Sowell
“We seem to be getting closer and closer to a situation where nobody is responsible for what they did but we are all responsible for what somebody else did.”- Thomas Sowell
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09-21-2019, 01:48 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Calgary
Posts: 2,317
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What's the difference between a toddler and a liberal?
A toddler stops whining after a couple of years.
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09-21-2019, 03:34 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,628
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.
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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09-26-2019, 06:36 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 3,412
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Comedy gold
Caught this story on the BBC from Sept. 20:
Sir Lenny Henry was speaking at a Royal Television Society convention in Cambridge focusing on how to improve diversity in the TV business.
__________________
“One of the sad signs of our times is that we have demonized those who produce, subsidized those who refuse to produce, and canonized those who complain.” - Thomas Sowell
“We seem to be getting closer and closer to a situation where nobody is responsible for what they did but we are all responsible for what somebody else did.”- Thomas Sowell
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09-28-2019, 11:05 AM
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,234
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Three wheelers sure were dangerous....
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09-30-2019, 10:58 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Calgary
Posts: 1,815
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Q: What's the difference between people from Dubai and people from Abu Dhabi?
A: People from Dubai don't like the Flintstones and people from Abu Dhabi doo!
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10-24-2019, 01:36 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,628
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If they bring in open carry sidearms I'm gonna practice until I'm as good as a man called Trinity.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9C-fRdCmzDk
__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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11-04-2019, 01:48 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: CNP
Posts: 3,760
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A man in Alberta wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough..there's an ad for "Alberta Bear Removers."
He calls the number and the man says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean heavily scarred old pit bull.
"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks.
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and I’ll knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls
off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
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You are what you do, not what you say.
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11-09-2019, 09:50 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,314
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Made me laugh. 
Sent from my SM-G973F using Tapatalk
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11-09-2019, 10:58 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 8,494
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Q. Why was the Sand wet?
A. Because the Seaweed
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You're only as good as your last haircut
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11-10-2019, 09:27 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: On the border in Lloydminster
Posts: 8,363
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11-10-2019, 01:53 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Busby AB
Posts: 837
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Little Suzie walks in on mommy and daddy as they are making love.
She asks" what are you doing?"
Mommy says We are trying to make you a little brother or sister.
Suzie says Can you do it doggy style? I'd rather have a puppy!
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11-10-2019, 07:46 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 3,081
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Millennials
a millenial optimist learns chinese.
a millenial pessimist learns arabic.
a millenial realist learns to shoot 
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11-13-2019, 08:13 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 8,494
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If Satan ever lost his hair there would be Hell Toupee
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You're only as good as your last haircut
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11-13-2019, 01:45 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,628
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A couple young Alberta cowgirls out for a ride in January.
[IMG]  [/IMG]
__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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11-13-2019, 01:48 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,628
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Farming isn't what it used to be....
[IMG]  [/IMG]
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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11-13-2019, 02:08 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,628
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I see the Alberta government is downsizing the QE2 highway snow removal fleet too.
[IMG]  [/IMG]
__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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11-13-2019, 02:20 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,628
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[IMG]  [/IMG]
__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
___________________________________________
It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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11-13-2019, 04:45 PM
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Provost
Posts: 5,009
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