WHAT was she thinking?

TreeGuy · #1 12-07-2007, 10:24 AM

You know that aweful feeling you get in the pit of your stomach just before something bad is going to happen...........?

My dear wife has left me home alone with the kids for the WHOLE weekend! I'm only home from the Greyhound station half an hour and thus far the dog has gotten into the garbage, the cat barfed all over my comfy chair, and the little one has cheerfully filled her diaper to its maximum limits! I'm doomed!

Stay tuned. Perhaps once I pick our son up from school we'll set up that BB gun firing range in the basement that we've been dreaming about!

Stay tuned.
Tree

WCTHEMI · #2 12-07-2007, 10:28 AM

Uh-oh, well, good luck to you. As long as you manage not to burn the house down, your wife should be happy when she gets home.

honda450 · #3 12-07-2007, 10:29 AM

So in other words your taken the cat for target practice?

sirmike68 · #4 12-07-2007, 10:42 AM

I know how you feel. My wife left me high and dry in the middle of hunting season with a 1 and 3 year old for 4 days as she blew a pile of money on one of those shopping trips to the states. All I got was a crappy watch!!

Okotokian · #5 12-07-2007, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honda450

So in other words your taken the cat for target practice?

That was my first thought! Gee, I hope it's the cat and not......

TreeGuy · #6 12-07-2007, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honda450

So in other words your taken the cat for target practice?

.....been there, done that.....slept on the couch for 2 days!

Tree

honda450 · #7 12-07-2007, 10:52 AM

You meany.

Tundra Monkey · #8 12-07-2007, 11:07 AM

Throw the cat outside.

Throw the dog outside.

Wrap the little kid up in a garbage bag from the neck down. Strap into car seat.

Go get Son. Tell him to pick out the type of pizza he's ordering for supper. Order on the way home. No pizza until he's changed the little one. You may need a beer in addition to the pizza bribe (one beer under the watchful eyes of Dad will not do any permanent harm) It will however achieve the goal...desperate times call for desperate measures.

Hire that kid that babysits from down at the end of the road. Pay them double time not to tell the Wife. Employ from now until Sunday morning. It may be advisable to attempt to work out an "on call" rate from the moment the kids are in bed until they get up.

Do a few of the "blue jobs" around the house...but then kick back and relax.

Ensure all babysitter bills are taken care of....and all fast food containers are long gone. Dirty up a few dishes which you will be busy loading the dishwasher with when she comes in. Make sure to include a pot or two so it looks like you were cooking.

Now ya gotta pull out the Dad card. Ensure that your eldest son UNDERSTANDS what he will be losing if Momma finds any of this out. He is to pull his Mom aside at the earliest convenience and have him explain to her that although he loves you very much....."please never leave me with him like that again"....horrible cook....tyrant....whatever it takes.

I feel for ya Tree.......good luck man.

TM

ps....let the dog in....hopefully the cat is gone.

Redfrog · #9 12-07-2007, 11:20 AM

I'm with Tundra Monkey on this. He is a genius.

The only thing I would add to his plan: Before you throw the cat out, use it to wipe the puke off your chair.

honda450 · #10 12-07-2007, 11:21 AM

Ya see how easy it is Tree?

gramps73 · #11 12-07-2007, 11:22 AM

good luck with the weekend and remember how hard this weekend is dont tell them a thing other then you had a great time.
gramps

Tundra Monkey · #12 12-07-2007, 11:26 AM

The only thing I would add to his plan: Before you throw the cat out, use it to wipe the puke off your chair.

[/QUOTE]

I can't believe I missed this one......you are the true genius

TreeGuy · #13 12-07-2007, 12:18 PM

LMFAO!

I just KNEW you guys wouldn't let me down! Tundra, you sir are my new hero. I shall strive hard to attain your level of parental wizardry!

OK. New plan. Can't get an acceptable distance in the basement for a decent range. Sooo (thanks to my love of procrastinating) I am going to take all of those frozen deer scraps out of the back of my truck, toss 'em into the back yard, set up a bench rest in my dining room using a combination of a high-chair, a treadmill, a 'Dora the Explorer' doll, and commence "OPERATION MAGPIE"!

You're beginning to get an idea just WHY wifey was so excited to get out the door!

Tree

Reeves1 · #14 12-07-2007, 12:32 PM

Quote:

LMFAO!

Me too !

But it sounds like she left ALL the kids home

#15 12-07-2007, 12:39 PM

Baaaah Haaaaaaa.....now this is funny!!! Tree sounds like yer all set... man oh man I needed a good laugh after getting a speeding ticket this morning. Have a great wknd.

Cam-hunter · #16 12-07-2007, 12:44 PM

Tree if i CAN MAKE 1 SUGGESTION? That you get out of the tree buisness and take up,stand up comedy you would be rich and famous in no time take on Tundra as your pardner and get Redfrog and yes dear to guest star once in a while
You guys are hilarous

Cam

East Coast Caper · #17 12-07-2007, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TreeGuy

OK. New plan. Can't get an acceptable distance in the basement for a decent range. Sooo (thanks to my love of procrastinating) I am going to take all of those frozen deer scraps out of the back of my truck, toss 'em into the back yard, set up a bench rest in my dining room using a combination of a high-chair, a treadmill, a 'Dora the Explorer' doll, and commence "OPERATION MAGPIE"!

please please take pictures, at least of "operation magpie"! but don't forget to delete all images after posting them...

honda450 · #18 12-07-2007, 01:32 PM

I think operation Magpie requires explosives?

Okotokian · #19 12-07-2007, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tundra Monkey

Throw the cat outside.

Throw the dog outside.

Wrap the little kid up in a garbage bag from the neck down. Strap into car seat.

Go get Son. Tell him to pick out the type of pizza he's ordering for supper. Order on the way home. No pizza until he's changed the little one. You may need a beer in addition to the pizza bribe (one beer under the watchful eyes of Dad will not do any permanent harm) It will however achieve the goal...desperate times call for desperate measures.

Hire that kid that babysits from down at the end of the road. Pay them double time not to tell the Wife. Employ from now until Sunday morning. It may be advisable to attempt to work out an "on call" rate from the moment the kids are in bed until they get up.

Do a few of the "blue jobs" around the house...but then kick back and relax.

Ensure all babysitter bills are taken care of....and all fast food containers are long gone. Dirty up a few dishes which you will be busy loading the dishwasher with when she comes in. Make sure to include a pot or two so it looks like you were cooking.

Now ya gotta pull out the Dad card. Ensure that your eldest son UNDERSTANDS what he will be losing if Momma finds any of this out. He is to pull his Mom aside at the earliest convenience and have him explain to her that although he loves you very much....."please never leave me with him like that again"....horrible cook....tyrant....whatever it takes.

I feel for ya Tree.......good luck man.

TM

ps....let the dog in....hopefully the cat is gone.

Oh man, there are about a thousand ways that plan could unravel. Kids and babysitters don't exactly have the Mafia "vow of silence" down pat. Anyone talks and you're dead. Believe me, you never want to have to look at your kid and say "Don't tell your mother". I have and it's not a good thing.

TreeGuy · #20 12-07-2007, 02:26 PM

Status Report: "OPERATION MAGPIE"

Thus far, bait pile is a sucess. We now have so many magpies on the block that the community association has just announced a bounty on 'em! With any luck it should pay for tonight's supper......pizza and leftover halloween candy (you read it right Reeves, look out!).

Thus far two shots fired at a range of 13 yards but were deflected by the now removed chicken wire. The targets are crafty devils, and they have regrouped up the block in the tree of my neighbour who was wondering why there were so many magpies sitting on my truck this week. I told her it was a 'Ford' thing.

Stay tuned.......

Tree

Reeves1 · #21 12-07-2007, 02:32 PM

Quote:

pizza and leftover halloween candy (you read it right Reeves, look out!).

Edmonton: Be afraid, be very afraid !

honda450 · #22 12-07-2007, 02:39 PM

Yeah them pies are pretty smart sometimes even with bait. I didn't think even a pie would eat a Ford.

East Coast Caper · #23 12-07-2007, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honda450

Yeah them pies are pretty smart sometimes even with bait. I didn't think even a pie would eat a Ford.

you mean POOP on a Ford?!

East Coast Caper · #24 12-07-2007, 07:03 PM

TreeGuy · #25 12-07-2007, 08:39 PM

Lights Out! End of day one. Lessons learned......

1. Warped senses of humor rub off. For example, wifey dressed our 6 year old in a different outfit today and it took me a bloody half an hour to find him in the playground after school. On the bright side, I did manage to bring the right kid home, unlike the last time.........

2. A supper of pizza and leftover halloween candy is a BAD idea. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do for breakfast now. Which leads to.....

3. When a 6 year old floats an impressive log, it is important that there is supervision during the flushing process. Otherwise flooding MAY occur. Ughhhhh.

As for OPERATION MAGPIE, we've had some setbacks....

1. Dog rolled in 'bait pile'. NOW I remember why the chicken wire was up! No problem though, she just got tossed in the bath with the kids..........

2. Magpies are smarter than I am. Sigh.....

Oh well, tomorrow's another day. I'm tired now.

Tree

tyee43 · #26 12-07-2007, 10:19 PM

I'm laughing so hard it hurts!

I can't wait for the next update...

tyee43

baz · #27 12-07-2007, 10:59 PM

My 12 and 14 year old hunters thought I was the only crazy bast#rd allowed to hunt in AB until we watched this thread together,they understand now there are a few more sportsmen in this province with the same unique sense of humor.

If your gonna to be a bear, be a F-ing Grizzly Bear

East Coast Caper · #28 12-08-2007, 05:20 AM

Where are the pictures??????

mud slug · #29 12-08-2007, 08:57 AM

hey tree 1 word of advise when it says 10-12lbs on the daiper bag there not kidding that all they will hold any more and they start to leak

TreeGuy · #30 12-08-2007, 12:01 PM

Whew. Just getting back from the rink and getting a whole new perspective on 'cahos theory'. Everything went well, except I forgot the boy's water bottle. After his first shift he asked for a drink, so I let him have a big drink of the Coke my daughter were sharing for breakfast. Man, he was on FIRE after that........scored, like, 6 goals. First star!

Have not managed a shot yet today. Those things learn FAST. I figure I need to clear a couple more shooting lanes from my blind. I'll be good to go once I get the screen out of the kitchen window. Hey......anyone know how to fix a screen? Anyway, the bait pile has been sweetened with some left-over pizza, and moved so I could put the damn chicken wire back up. The dog cleaned up fine except I couldn't find her brush, so today she looks like a member of the 'Jackson Five'.

Stay Tuned, as today's project is to try to get the mini-van to do a brake stand!

Tree

PS Sorry, no pics. Wifey has the camera. However if I do manage to bag one, I'll have it strapped to the hood of the van in mid-brake stand! There'll be a pic of THAT if I have to DRAW it!