Giving financial help to adult children

[Big Sky]

Sat in a boat for a couple of days with a friend last week. Solved all the world's problems.

Something we talked about at length was helping out our kids financially.
Generally, I've long been in the "let them make their own way" camp, but after talking with my friend I am rethinking some things.

His thoughts ....As an example, $10k contributed to a down payment on a house will save them much more than that in the long run. Why wait until you die to give them money when a small amount given now can help so much more?

What we have done is repay for post sec educations.
Also, sold my kid our old pickup for a steal of a price. He's saving tons by not making payments and putting the money towards his next vehicle.

What are your thoughts?
Have you helped your adult children?
What have you done?
What's reasonable? What's too much?

[fishtank]

iam not this far yet,my kid is only 2 , small help is ok only if they can stand on their own , no point of helping them get a bigger house if you cant afforded on their own. its better the distribute your $$ to them over time because if they don't know how to manage their money, when they get the lump sum they will **** it all away .

like the saying goes

"You give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. You teach him to fish and you give him an skill that will feed him for a lifetime "

[Gerald J]

Agree with a lot of what you said, ie "why wait", etc. Selling/gifting vehicles, paying for post secondary education during or after, helping with down payments, these are some of the things I've done. There is a balance there. I happen to think it's ok for your child to struggle a little bit, ie. eat Kraft dinner when going to school, drive a clunker for a while. But help them out a bit if you can/when you can.

Good post.

[kritz]

Originally Posted by Gerald J

Agree with a lot of what you said, ie "why wait", etc. Selling/gifting vehicles, paying for post secondary education during or after, helping with down payments, these are some of the things I've done. There is a balance there. I happen to think it's ok for your child to struggle a little bit, ie. eat Kraft dinner when going to school, drive a clunker for a while. But help them out a bit if you can/when you can.

Good post.

Agree with this. I have also bought two daughters first vehicles, helped with second, Pay for secondary education for both and housing while in school. Helped with apartments while starting out, portion of the rent until there are established in there jobs, I really want my kids to be happy while I am alive , but they have also had to learn as they have to pay there own bills, phone, utilities, toys, groceries and portion of the rent until they were established in there careers then they take over on there own, few months, vehicle payments if they want something other than the one I bought for them. There are kids (up to 30) out there that don't know how to manage money and have never needed to, There are also lots of this same age group that do very well with there own money. I would never flaunt it to my kids and have an open wallet policy, but if they need it and I can help I will. (key word is need). get it all when I am dead is not very rewarding for either side.

[angery jonn]

When school is done the free ride will be over in my house. With 4 boys I won’t be able to afford to support that many man children, lol. I’m blown away by some of the things parents do for their grown children. I also find the kids who get the most help always seem to think they have it the worst.

[tirebob]

Depends on the kid and depends on your own financial situation. If you have a good kid who has proven they are responsible and you are in a financial position to give them a leg up, I say why not? If you have a kid that is a leech and a bum and has never shown any modicum of responsibility, you are probably doing worse for them by enabling their poor life choices. I don't think you can have a general reply to something like this. Every case is different, but yes, in general I want to help my kids however I can without causing them to stop helping themselves.

[Little red riding hood]

Originally Posted by fishtank

like the saying goes

"You give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. You teach him to fish and you give him an skill that will feed him for a lifetime "

I thought it was "if you teach a man to fish, he can go on pogie and complain about how bad the fishing is!

[Trochu]

I am generally against, right now anyway, my oldest is a long, long way from being an adult, financial help, but I have no issues with providing help. Borrow the car, no problem, live at home while attending post secondary education, not an issue, give you $10k, probably not going to happen. We hired four summer students, all attending some form of post secondary education. Its fairly evident via their work ethic and attitude who is receiving financial help from their parents and who isn't.

[FQ2]

The best way to save some cash for your kids. Pay there education to get them started.


R E S P's


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regist...n_Savings_Plan

[omega50]

My wife divorced in 1999. Three kids under 15. Her ex convinced 2 of the older kids to follow the money and move in with him.
Youngest stayed with her on a frugal lifestyle.
Fast forward 19 years the two kids that had Daddy pay for their loyalty struggle in every aspect of their finances making bad decisions and still getting subsidized by Daddy to the tune of 2k-3k a month each.

Youngest has great work ethic-good person and great decision making greatly surpassing the trajectory of the other two.
The two money grubbers are always looking for the easy button and despite their continual moaning have never had to struggle or develop appreciation for what they have. They bad mouth the ex relentlessly despite being into him for so much money. He controls them with money or the threat of getting cut off.

Some kids benefit from the umbilical cord and some suffer.

[Okotok]

Originally Posted by Little red riding hood

I thought it was "if you teach a man to fish, he can go on pogie and complain about how bad the fishing is!

Actually it's "Teach a man to fish and before you know it, he'll be microwaving it in the office and stinking the place up".

[buckbrush]

I've been think about this too. I am in the planning stages since my kids are still young.

I see it as a fine line. What I plan to do could very well change but this is my plan as of now.

I will help the kids get their first vehicle and will pay for a reliable vehicle. If they want anything newer or different I will pay half after the amount for a reliable truck. Within reason (Asked them what they want for first vehicle. Son wants a monster truck and daughter wants my '77 vette)

Still undecided for schooling if it will be a lump sum or pay half ect. I have seen too many kids have all schooling payed for and end up taking twice as long to get a degree because they have no financial strain if they fail a class or take a few years more.

Down payment for a house. I plan to pay half of their down payments.

Like I said this could all change but it's just what I am planning for.

I got travel luggage for my 18th birthday and got told to use it... That was the last help I got. Things have turned out alright for me and I have no hard feelings since the money wasn't there. I do think it would have been a better start with some help but I like to look at what I do have and know I worked for it.

[250mark1]

i had my parents help me with a 10K down payment back in 1997 when i was 20 years old on my first house when they were cheap lol ( paid 110K)
saved me a boat load of cash as who knows how long i would have rented for

also put the mortgage in there name with the (mortgage payments coming from my account )
which would protect the investment if there was a bad common law relationship
once i was married we assumed the mortgage

[huntinstuff]

I supply a home, food and great advice for as long as they are either working or going to school, or both.

I find that big handouts backfire. I give $ to no one. Not family not charities. No one.

I think some people NEED to experience their last dollar gone to appreciate the value.

Ive been thanked more for my way of thinking than chastised. It works for us so that's just what I do.

[58thecat]

Originally Posted by huntinstuff

I supply a home, food and great advice for as long as they are either working or going to school, or both.

I find that big handouts backfire. I give $ to no one. Not family not charities. No one.

I think some people NEED to experience their last dollar gone to appreciate the value.

Ive been thanked more for my way of thinking than chastised. It works for us so that's just what I do.

Yup, they open the door to the fridge, full of food, roof over thier head and they watched us get up and go to work and come in after a long day when required to just repeat and eventually all came together to have the financial freedom to do what we want when we want....post secondary education all complete, work, school and sports ate up time in a day/week but that's expected if you want a career and not just a job.

[58thecat]

You live in Canada, free To pick and choose your occupation unless your lazy....if you want something go get it, plan for it but your azzz has to get out of bed and go to work, don't spend foolishly on other nice to have and not a necessity items....they will do well but chucking money at them, bailing them out after stupid decisions teaches nothing but then again we live in a world were we expect a pat on the back for everything we do and are listening to the lazy more than the go getters.

[guywiththemule]

2 kids (boy and girl) both now over 40. Helped them both buy their first vehicle when they were 16. It was a loan. Later helped both of them buy a farm each. It was a loan. Later helped them both buy farm machinery. That loan was paid off by my son and my daughter`loan is just about to be paid off. NO FREE RIDE HERE.

[elk396]

Originally Posted by Big Sky

Sat in a boat for a couple of days with a friend last week. Solved all the world's problems.

Something we talked about at length was helping out our kids financially.
Generally, I've long been in the "let them make their own way" camp, but after talking with my friend I am rethinking some things.

His thoughts ....As an example, $10k contributed to a down payment on a house will save them much more than that in the long run. Why wait until you die to give them money when a small amount given now can help so much more?

What we have done is repay for post sec educations.
Also, sold my kid our old pickup for a steal of a price. He's saving tons by not making payments and putting the money towards his next vehicle.

What are your thoughts?
Have you helped your adult children?
What have you done?
What's reasonable? What's too much?

Don’t do it! Take it from my experience, it won’t help your kids become better people or employees. Even though they are your own children they become accustomed to having the old man there to top up their life. Helped put down payment on homes and provided decent used vehicles to get them off and running, also put both kids thru to get degrees. Now they are asking me to go vehicle shopping as the old jalopy is on its last legs. They need to get hungry a bit to realize it’s up to them to get things out of life. I had no help and am very successful, worked very hard to get every thing I have. I know I wouldn’t have tried so hard if my daddy was putting money out for me. It’s a tough one, but just help educate them, then give a nice tap out of the nest. They will thank you for it one day. Watch the movie ‘grand Torino ‘ if you need to see what happens

[badbrass]

Yes I do! Just to know that when you have all these funds in RRSP"S. If both of you Husband & wife, get taking out ( killed) in the same time. 48% of those funds are a given to the Government, no questions asked! So for the ones that say they want to leave their family with a big nest egg? Do A TFSA. A RRSP is nothing more than a extended taxation! Nothing more! When your in the ground, it does not matter!

[58thecat]

Give your kids financial advice, no handouts, teach them to be responsible adults and if they follow a path they too can be completely dept free before 50 with toys too....archive short term goals to reach the long term goal....

[Geraldsh]

A few years ago my son hit a rough spot; got downsized out of his job and his car died the same week. I sold him my car and told him to just make payments to my visa account whenever he got back to work. As soon as he got hired he started putting $100.00 on the account every payday. I have mentioned a couple times "that car must be paid off by now" but he just grins and keeps paying.

[kevinhits]

My oldest Son is gung ho on being an airplane pilot. I have seen the costs for his education and cannot really afford it, but we will make it work so he can pursue his dreams.....