Signs of suicide- please keep your eyes and ears open

[Ken07AOVette]

A young friend attempted this morning. He sent me a message via facebook messenger 20 minutes prior to doing it, but I did not hear it. When I saw the 911 text at 03:35 I knew it was him.

If you know anyone that is having a real tough time, and there is a chance they have reached out to you, look into it if possible. Things may be just a little bit off, maybe a weird phone call or text. With this one I know it was a cry out for help, he reached out to me unsuccessfully, had he texted me I would have heard it at 03:15.

I have been through far too many of these, they are a rough hill for anyone involved with, or facing suicide thoughts. It obviously hits family and friends the hardest. The worst part for the survivor is the guilt and embarrassment.

The weird little signs are a good thing, it generally means they have not given up hope, that they are trying to find someone that cares. More than often when I hear about it, someone finds the cold body. He must have been the one that called 911, a good thing before it was too late.

Watch for the signs, use resources to recognise them, ask those in the know, look online. I am sadly quite knowledgeable after losing several friends over the years, and being on scene for some. Feel free to ask me if you like.

Things are not necessarily improving although the realtors would have you believe we have lit the fuse for the next big boom.

The signs can be very subtle, or can be a freight train through the living rooms.

[Sooner]

Good info Ken and reminder that many are feeling despair. I'm glad to hear your friend called for help. Hope he has a best case scenario in dealing with his issues.

My dads best friend committed suicide some 20 plus yrs ago. He was even in hospital getting help. Fooled them all and came home for a weekend and got it done. Dad and his 14 yr old son went to check on him when he did not return to the hospital and wouldn't answer the phone. Dad found him in the back seat of the car in the garage. It's a brutal way to leave your family having to deal with the guilt and questions.

Very glad to hear your friend has another chance, good luck to him in his journey.

[ceadog]

Always an important conversation to have and not something to mess around with.

I did the 911 call on a family member a couple weeks ago - discussing self harm and harm of others with restricted firearms - that's an immediate 911 call.

I pray for folks considering suicide and their families often.

[Albertadiver]

My wife and I found a young man who took his own life in the Waiperous area a few years back.

There are a lot of troubled people in this world.

Hope things turn out ok for this young man Ken. Odd that I was texting you last night too. Albeit for different reasons.

[Flatlandliver]

The statistics are staggering especially considering many suicides are not reported as such.

https://www.suicideinfo.ca

[Sitting Bull]

No Shame about this topic. Especially in todays society. Keep the conversation up. Every life is so important and so valuable . We all need each other.

[Ken07AOVette]

Originally Posted by Albertadiver

My wife and I found a young man who took his own life in the Waiperous area a few years back.

There are a lot of troubled people in this world.

Hope things turn out ok for this young man Ken. Odd that I was texting you last night too. Albeit for different reasons.

I just got back from seeing him. I am hoping he will stay with us for a while, depends on how his parents cope with all this. He is ok, it was fueled by alcohol. I hope this ends the chapter but hope it does.

[walking buffalo]

Originally Posted by Ken07AOVette

I just got back from seeing him. I am hoping he will stay with us for a while, depends on how his parents cope with all this. He is ok, it was fueled by alcohol. I hope this ends the chapter but hope it does.

Glad to heat that your friend has an opportunity to heal.

"it was fueled by alcohol"


Alcohol might have been the match, but was not likely the fuel, the source of the problem this man is facing. Accepting this could be very important in his journey forward, and for those trying to support him.

No different than for many that are addicted to illegal drugs.

[Ken07AOVette]

Originally Posted by walking buffalo

Glad to heat that your friend has an opportunity to heal.

"it was fueled by alcohol"
Alcohol might have been the match, but was not likely the fuel, the source of the problem this man is facing. Accepting this could be very important in his journey forward, and for those trying to support him.

No different than for many that are addicted to illegal drugs.

No, he is a fairly happy go lucky guy, who admits openly that he is a different person when he drinks. And, as he told me this morning, he does not know why he is drinking a lot. He is not 40 yet not a teenager, kind of stuck in the middle without a lot of assets, no kids, no wife. He told me he is living in a depressed state, and I understand that. I told him the worst thing he can do when depressed is add depressant. I told him to call text message knock on the door anytime day or night.

[Zip]

Originally Posted by Ken07AOVette

No, he is a fairly happy go lucky guy, who admits openly that he is a different person when he drinks. And, as he told me this morning, he does not know why he is drinking a lot. He is not 40 yet not a teenager, kind of stuck in the middle without a lot of assets, no kids, no wife. He told me he is living in a depressed state, and I understand that. I told him the worst thing he can do when depressed is add depressant. I told him to call text message knock on the door anytime day or night.

Ken I Have to say that with you in his corner his chances of getting through this tough patch in life is a whole lot better. I know how you care about others..he is lucky to have you!
I know how much you helped me when I was going through the roughest part of my cancer mess, you may not have known, but I did!
Zip

[walking buffalo]

Originally Posted by Ken07AOVette

No, he is a fairly happy go lucky guy, who admits openly that he is a different person when he drinks. And, as he told me this morning, he does not know why he is drinking a lot. He is not 40 yet not a teenager, kind of stuck in the middle without a lot of assets, no kids, no wife. He told me he is living in a depressed state, and I understand that. I told him the worst thing he can do when depressed is add depressant. I told him to call text message knock on the door anytime day or night.

No, Yes.

There we go. Depression is likely the fuel. Alcohol is the match.

As you mentioned earlier, the signals offered by those at risk can often be very subtle, often overlooked by those who are given the signs.

A person crying for help may feel like they are screaming, yet it is heard as a whisper.

I really feel for this man, and for you.
It is such a tough road for both those who are at risk to commit suicide and those who are close to them.
I have personally been through this way too many times.

A person experiencing depression is often in MUCH worse shape than even their closest friends and family will ever understand.
Noting that this man has revealed his depression and increased drinking should set off all five alarms.

This man needs help that may be beyond what friends and family can offer.
Now all involved should realize that he is currently at an extreme risk for suicide and his situation is far beyond a drinking problem.

Thank you for sharing, the message may help others.

Best wishes to you both.

[densa44]

More people kill themselves in Alberta than die of car accidents, and it is preventable.

Listen to Ken.

We need everyone to help. If some one says they want to kill themselves believe them and get them plugged into the system. Help is available and it works.

Good post Ken.

[MAC]

Originally Posted by walking buffalo

No, Yes.

There we go. Depression is likely the fuel. Alcohol is the match.

As you mentioned earlier, the signals offered by those at risk can often be very subtle, often overlooked by those who are given the signs.

A person crying for help may feel like they are screaming, yet it is heard as a whisper.

I really feel for this man, and for you.
It is such a tough road for both those who are at risk to commit suicide and those who are close to them.
I have personally been through this way too many times.

A person experiencing depression is often in MUCH worse shape than even their closest friends and family will ever understand.
Noting that this man has revealed his depression and increased drinking should set off all five alarms.

This man needs help that may be beyond what friends and family can offer.
Now all involved should realize that he is currently at an extreme risk for suicide and his situation is far beyond a drinking problem.

Thank you for sharing, the message may help others.

Best wishes to you both.

X2 for all of this. I know , wont go into details why. Its not me.
For alot of people its a whisper and can easily be missed.
They feel embarassed to ask for help. Depression and suicide is often viewed as weak.
Even if you dont see any signs, dont wait for a call. Call them, not everyday
but once a week. Be supportive, meet for coffee or dinner and listen. They should talk more than you, you listen intently.
Dont tell them it will get better, they are where they are because it is not believable that it will get better. Listen to their problems and perspective about what is going in their lives. Most times its enough knowing they were heard. Hopefully this persons parents are there for him, they likely can do more harm or be the best support depending on their reaction.
Someone I know had her parents dismiss her calls for help and caused significant hurt in her life when they told her she was looking for attention.
The hurt is still there 30 years later. Its not easy for any one.
Focusing on the pain they would cause others by carrying through with suicide only makes their embarassment worse and likely causes them to hide it more, until they cant take it anymore and follow through.

Just my take and experience with this terrible illness. Thats what it is. They cant magicly make it go away anymore than someone with Cancer.

MAC

[nube]

See them all the time. Last one I had to cut the dog leash off a 13 year old boys neck and try to comfort his mother after that..
And my wife wonders why I am the way I am at times.
Teach your kids as well guys. I have seen many teens do it. this 13 year old and the 16 year old gal I had a couple years ago all were over a boyfriend or girlfriend breaking up with them. How sad that is.

[Ken07AOVette]

Originally Posted by nube

See them all the time. Last one I had to cut the dog leash off a 13 year old boys neck and try to comfort his mother after that..
And my wife wonders why I am the way I am at times.
Teach your kids as well guys. I have seen many teens do it. this 13 year old and the 16 year old gal I had a couple years ago all were over a boyfriend or girlfriend breaking up with them. How sad that is.

I was just talking to a friend, on the way home from Court today.
He asked me how I was, 'fine', I asked him the same question.
"I woke up again in my own home, not in some wartorn wreck, not worried about getting shot in my sleep or bombed at any time, we live in Paradise. How could it be better?"
And he is right. We have to worry about getting up in time for work, if our kids are happy, if our family is alright. We have it so good in Canada, for the most part North America, to see people end their lives over such trivial stuff is maddening.
"I drink too much, my gf cheated on me, I have debt....."
It is all a temporary issue. Stop drinking, get another one, work different and adjust spending habits.
Such horrible loss over immaterial things.
I think I will be glad in less than half a dozen years when I will hang up the radio and bunker gear, tell 911 to cancel texts to me for First Responder. 40 years will be enough.
I fear the worst is yet to come. I think we will find more coo houses in small towns, more criminal activity that will turn deadly.
I look forward to being the old man sitting on the deck with a shotgun and a snarl; "get off my lawn!"

[Unregistered user]

If you know someone who has been down for a time and discussed suicide and then seems to snap out of it and is happy, get him/her help. Chances are that person has decided to commit suicide and is at peace with the decision. This happened to one of the wife's cousins, caught everyone off guard and broke a lot of hearts. We later learned this is quite common behaviour.

[2 Tollers]

Ken I hope your young friend pulls out of his funk and gets better. There are a number of groups that provide help at no cost but he will want to go them. His choice to make and unfortunately forcing him to go will not help.

Ken also look after yourself in times like this. These types of things can be a drain on a person and affect both you and your family.

All the best on this one.

[Zip]

Originally Posted by Ken07AOVette

I was just talking to a friend, on the way home from Court today.
He asked me how I was, 'fine', I asked him the same question.
"I woke up again in my own home, not in some wartorn wreck, not worried about getting shot in my sleep or bombed at any time, we live in Paradise. How could it be better?"
And he is right. We have to worry about getting up in time for work, if our kids are happy, if our family is alright. We have it so good in Canada, for the most part North America, to see people end their lives over such trivial stuff is maddening.
"I drink too much, my gf cheated on me, I have debt....."
It is all a temporary issue. Stop drinking, get another one, work different and adjust spending habits.
Such horrible loss over immaterial things.
I think I will be glad in less than half a dozen years when I will hang up the radio and bunker gear, tell 911 to cancel texts to me for First Responder. 40 years will be enough.
I fear the worst is yet to come. I think we will find more coo houses in small towns, more criminal activity that will turn deadly.
I look forward to being the old man sitting on the deck with a shotgun and a snarl; "get off my lawn!"

Ken.. I have the perfect deck...as I am that old man already that you are looking forward to be! I have another Deck chair with your name on it, I'll save it for ya!
I agree that yes the worst is yet to come, we are seeing some of that up here in the Peace Country in places where it used to be safe and sound, sleep like a baby at night all the time! Now we lock everything up.. Sad stuff Bud!

[1899b]

Originally Posted by Ken07AOVette

I was just talking to a friend, on the way home from Court today.
He asked me how I was, 'fine', I asked him the same question.
"I woke up again in my own home, not in some wartorn wreck, not worried about getting shot in my sleep or bombed at any time, we live in Paradise. How could it be better?"
And he is right. We have to worry about getting up in time for work, if our kids are happy, if our family is alright. We have it so good in Canada, for the most part North America, to see people end their lives over such trivial stuff is maddening.
"I drink too much, my gf cheated on me, I have debt....."
It is all a temporary issue. Stop drinking, get another one, work different and adjust spending habits.
Such horrible loss over immaterial things.
I think I will be glad in less than half a dozen years when I will hang up the radio and bunker gear, tell 911 to cancel texts to me for First Responder. 40 years will be enough.
I fear the worst is yet to come. I think we will find more coo houses in small towns, more criminal activity that will turn deadly.
I look forward to being the old man sitting on the deck with a shotgun and a snarl; "get off my lawn!"

Sometimes it's more than, alcohol problems, debt or a cheating girlfriend. Living with depression is a real bitch. There is a saying that we all need to choose to be happy. Some times and in some individuals it isn't as easy as that. The chemical imbalance that brings on depression is a real thing. How ironic that Robin Williams who all made us laugh and here he was crying inside. Depression is scary and it's not fun. I hope your friend makes a recovery and will be on the upswing. Glad you were there for him.

[alacringa]

nvm. I hadn't intended to, but that was a bit of a derail.

[Ken07AOVette]

Thanks everyone.
Belive it or not, I just got a phone call an hour ago, the man with the exact same name as me died tonite.
The man that spent 6 weeks with me, helping me build my house had a massive stroke and passed.
It is surreal seeing your own name on Facebook, answering messages and phone calls from people thinking it is me that has gone to the next dimension.
Condolences to friends and family, Ken will be missed forever.

[Rig-Rat]

Really glad your friend is talking it out, this is such an important subject. Tough times these days and some struggle. Upside is it's talked about more than before. As a recent person who lost family to suicide, we decided to not keep quiet or chy away, but tell people this is a real thing in hopes that if someone is having trouble tell someone. So important.
They may think nobody cares but if they knew how many tears were shed after the fact, they would know MANY care.
Talk to someone..
Glad your friend is talking Ken.

[silverdoctor]

Suicide is getting more common. A friends 11 year old niece took her own life - what does an 11 year old know about life, let alone suicide?

My sister has attempted 3 times. Sad to say it, but part of me wishes she had succeeded this last time.

[Joe Quiroga]

My mother committed suicide in 2004. I was about 27-28 years old. The night she took her life she called me apologizing for some things that had happened when I was a kid, going off how she should have done things differently etc etc. I knew she had been having a rough time lately and figured she just needed to vent.

I calmed her down as best I could and assured her I would check on her in the morning. Despite the signs being so obvious you never think that someone you love could be capable of such an act.

I kept the shame of having been the last person she reached out to a secret from my siblings. I felt so guilty for not having done more. I've only very recently come to terms with it. And through all this I came to learn two very powerful things about suicide.

A person commits suicide not because they want to die, but because they just don't know how to make the pain stop. The second thing I learned is that a suicide never makes the pain stop, it just passes it on to everyone else.

If you ever have a feeling that something isn't right with someone, talk to them, check on them often and get them help by any means necessary.

Joe

[58thecat]

The signs may or may not be there, scary how things transpire and then it happens, hurts everyone, all we can do is our best to prevent it from happening.

[wildbill]

Originally Posted by Ken07AOVette

A young friend attempted this morning. He sent me a message via facebook messenger 20 minutes prior to doing it, but I did not hear it. When I saw the 911 text at 03:35 I knew it was him.

If you know anyone that is having a real tough time, and there is a chance they have reached out to you, look into it if possible. Things may be just a little bit off, maybe a weird phone call or text. With this one I know it was a cry out for help, he reached out to me unsuccessfully, had he texted me I would have heard it at 03:15.

I have been through far too many of these, they are a rough hill for anyone involved with, or facing suicide thoughts. It obviously hits family and friends the hardest. The worst part for the survivor is the guilt and embarrassment.

The weird little signs are a good thing, it generally means they have not given up hope, that they are trying to find someone that cares. More than often when I hear about it, someone finds the cold body. He must have been the one that called 911, a good thing before it was too late.

Watch for the signs, use resources to recognise them, ask those in the know, look online. I am sadly quite knowledgeable after losing several friends over the years, and being on scene for some. Feel free to ask me if you like.

Things are not necessarily improving although the realtors would have you believe we have lit the fuse for the next big boom.

The signs can be very subtle, or can be a freight train through the living rooms.

It's good that he has you in his life, he obviously looks up to you. Talking from the point of view of being in the abyss, and having had the battles with alcohol and substance abuse, I know his pain well. When my day of reckoning revealed itself, it did so in the form of me blowing a gasket on my then supervisor in front of 25 crew members in the morning toolbox (freight train), I was still drunk, and when say blow gasket I mean, I was ready to die that day. After the dust settled that morning, he said I could not work for him until I sobered up, it was the kick in the ass I needed. Funny thing my old boss was a sponsored walleye fisherman (MK) guarantee many of you know him.Not only did he save my life that day, he gave me a life . Now I ain't perfect and am still a bit of an a--hole but, I have a life . Been sober for over 12 years as of February 18, some of us can't drink some can. I can say from personal experience that it does not help with depression, it makes it way worse, depression + booze= bad place. This time of year is the worst for depression, "cabin fever" or in layman's terms light deprivation, or SAD seasonal affective disorder. Diet plays a factor as well. My peaks and valleys have been reduced to rolling hills. Lots of omega 3, ginger, get out in the sun, stay busy, idle hands are the Devils workshop, get help when needed. Just was talking to my nephew the other day who's in the same place, got him to promise me he was going to talk to a counselor from his work, some people just need a boot in the rear, and lend them an ear! Sorry about the novel but, this is very near and dear to my cold little heart!

[wildbill]

Originally Posted by Joe Quiroga

My mother committed suicide in 2004. I was about 27-28 years old. The night she took her life she called me apologizing for some things that had happened when I was a kid, going off how she should have done things differently etc etc. I knew she had been having a rough time lately and figured she just needed to vent.

I calmed her down as best I could and assured her I would check on her in the morning. Despite the signs being so obvious you never think that someone you love could be capable of such an act.

I kept the shame of having been the last person she reached out to a secret from my siblings. I felt so guilty for not having done more. I've only very recently come to terms with it. And through all this I came to learn two very powerful things about suicide.

A person commits suicide not because they want to die, but because they just don't know how to make the pain stop. The second thing I learned is that a suicide never makes the pain stop, it just passes it on to everyone else.

If you ever have a feeling that something isn't right with someone, talk to them, check on them often and get them help by any means necessary.

Joe

Well said

[hover]

Originally Posted by Unregistered user

If you know someone who has been down for a time and discussed suicide and then seems to snap out of it and is happy, get him/her help. Chances are that person has decided to commit suicide and is at peace with the decision. This happened to one of the wife's cousins, caught everyone off guard and broke a lot of hearts. We later learned this is quite common behaviour.

I agree with this. I had a friend that convinced pchychiatrists that he was normal and was given the ok. He shot hmself that week. That was a long time ago, but that's how the story goes. He was super intelligent.

[Ken07AOVette]

I remember hearing that it is far more common with loners and extremely intelligent people. They have a hard time fitting in, never really find their place. I know that to be true, I did the eulogy for my best friend a few years ago who won every award possible at u of a. Absolute genius but so awkward. He took his own life after being unable to find employment, did computer programming for the Alberta government .

[kevinhits]

Originally Posted by Albertadiver

My wife and I found a young man who took his own life in the Waiperous area a few years back.

There are a lot of troubled people in this world.

Hope things turn out ok for this young man Ken. Odd that I was texting you last night too. Albeit for different reasons.

Did he happen to be Filipino?