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03-18-2016, 03:43 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: AlbertaSask
Posts: 4,200
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I think I will put this in here
My Boss texted me,"Send me one of your funny jokes."
I replied, "I'm working at the moment, and I'll send you one later."
He replied, "That was fantastic! Send me another one.
Zip 
__________________
"Never be ashamed of scars it just simply means that you were stronger than what tried to hurt you"
"Good judgement comes from experience, and experience...well,That comes from poor Judgement"
"KEEP SMILING"
Zip
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03-18-2016, 03:48 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: AlbertaSask
Posts: 4,200
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A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: "if you are sleeping send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I Love You"
The husband, typically non-romantic, replied: "I am on the toilet. Please advise."
Zip
__________________
"Never be ashamed of scars it just simply means that you were stronger than what tried to hurt you"
"Good judgement comes from experience, and experience...well,That comes from poor Judgement"
"KEEP SMILING"
Zip
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03-18-2016, 04:02 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 297
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Love the jokes!! Thank you....
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03-18-2016, 04:27 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Sylvan Lake
Posts: 654
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Great jokes Zip. They should put a smile on many faces today.
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03-18-2016, 04:53 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Lacombe County
Posts: 1,533
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good stuff thx!
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"A mountain has got to be lonely without sheep on it."
Dick Proenneke
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03-18-2016, 05:40 PM
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Banned
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: edmonton
Posts: 11,434
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Made me chuckle.
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03-18-2016, 07:16 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 282
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Nice.....keep them coming lol
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03-18-2016, 09:21 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: With my dogs
Posts: 4,545
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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
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alacringa
"This Brittany is my most cherished possession — the darndest bird-finder I have ever seen, a tough and wiry little dog with a choke-bored nose and the ability to read birds’ minds." -Jack O'Connor
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03-18-2016, 09:32 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 427
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Last weekend i stayed up all night wondering where the sun went,then it dawned on me.
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Success, it's like a fart, only bothers poeple when it's not their own 
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03-18-2016, 10:18 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Sylvan Lake/South Calif.
Posts: 3,465
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R ..... that's better than ... sometimes my golf suck's pic!
P.S. .... it was 95F today, after a few bevy's the Mrs finally said well maybe we should go golfing if it's not to hot next week .... 2.5 months later, she finally gets the urge ... golf sucks ...... D.
Keep smilin ...
.
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 Z-z
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03-18-2016, 10:43 PM
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03-19-2016, 08:17 AM
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Canmore
Posts: 4,762
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zip-in-Z
R ..... that's better than ... sometimes my golf suck's pic!
P.S. .... it was 95F today, after a few bevy's the Mrs finally said well maybe we should go golfing if it's not to hot next week .... 2.5 months later, she finally gets the urge ... golf sucks ...... D.
Keep smilin ...
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Am I the only one who can not make any sense at all out of the above post?
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The world is changed by your action, not by your opinion.
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03-19-2016, 08:31 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: AlbertaSask
Posts: 4,200
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thumper
Am I the only one who can not make any sense at all out of the above post?
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I can make sense of it...i think the "R" at the beginning is what makes it hard to understand...but I get it!.. I think!
Zip
__________________
"Never be ashamed of scars it just simply means that you were stronger than what tried to hurt you"
"Good judgement comes from experience, and experience...well,That comes from poor Judgement"
"KEEP SMILING"
Zip
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03-19-2016, 08:33 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Mons Lake
Posts: 2,262
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thumper
Am I the only one who can not make any sense at all out of the above post?
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I'm with ya on that.
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03-19-2016, 08:50 AM
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Gone Hunting
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Lougheed,Ab.
Posts: 12,736
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 4thredneck
I'm with ya on that.
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I think the "few bevy's" might be a clue?
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The future ain't what it used to be - Yogi Berra
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03-19-2016, 08:54 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: AlbertaSask
Posts: 4,200
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hal53
I think the "few bevy's" might be a clue? |
Good chance on that hal, back in the day...a few = alot.
Hahaha
Zip
__________________
"Never be ashamed of scars it just simply means that you were stronger than what tried to hurt you"
"Good judgement comes from experience, and experience...well,That comes from poor Judgement"
"KEEP SMILING"
Zip
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03-19-2016, 01:13 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: GP AB
Posts: 16,402
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I have to admit, I got a damn good giggle snort out of those, and reposted them without permission on the Sig forum. You got a pile of likes over there for them as well!
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'Once the monkeys learn they can vote themselves a banana, they'll never climb another tree.'. Robert Heinlein
'You can accomplish a lot more with a kind word and a gun, than with a kind word alone.' Al Capone
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03-19-2016, 03:49 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Calgary Perchdance
Posts: 19,046
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zip
My Boss texted me,"Send me one of your funny jokes."
I replied, "I'm working at the moment, and I'll send you one later."
He replied, "That was fantastic! Send me another one.
Zip |
I don't get it. Did he not send the joke later?
__________________
It is not the most intellectual of the species that survives; it is not the strongest that survives; but the species that survives is the one that is able best to adapt and adjust to the changing environment in which it finds itself. Charles Darwin
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03-19-2016, 04:09 PM
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Banned
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Spruce Grove
Posts: 77
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joke
A man was watching newfie on a street corner,he had a ladder leaning against a light pole and trying to extend a tape measure way up in the air but the tape kept kinking over.The man walked up to the newf and said "what are trying to do?" the newf said duhhh trying to see how tall this ladder is! The other man said well lay it down and measure the dam thing to see how long it is! The newf turned to with with anger and said I don't give a sht how long it is,I need to know how tall it is!
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03-19-2016, 04:10 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 8,471
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Hilarious. Tears in the eyes from laughing.
BW
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03-19-2016, 07:29 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: AlbertaSask
Posts: 4,200
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Some funny stuff getting posted up... Come on everyone jump in, let's all have a good laugh this weekend!
Thanks for posting
"KEEP SMILING"
Zip
__________________
"Never be ashamed of scars it just simply means that you were stronger than what tried to hurt you"
"Good judgement comes from experience, and experience...well,That comes from poor Judgement"
"KEEP SMILING"
Zip
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03-19-2016, 08:49 PM
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calgary
Posts: 11,576
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An attractive blond signed up for golf lessons. Nearly an hour of hooks, slices and flubs had the instructor exasperated despite his best efforts.
Finally he says, "Lady, I want you to hold the club exactly like you hold your husband's penis!"
CRACK! Dead centre down the fairway.
"EXCELLENT!", he says, "Now take it outta your mouth we're going for distance. "
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03-19-2016, 08:55 PM
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Canmore
Posts: 4,762
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Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
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The world is changed by your action, not by your opinion.
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03-19-2016, 09:27 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Southern Alberta
Posts: 635
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundancefisher
I don't get it. Did he not send the joke later?
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The joke was that he said he was actually working?
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03-19-2016, 10:09 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Kelowna B.C.
Posts: 1,289
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Did you hear about the blonde that bruises all around her belly button?
Blonde boyfriend!
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03-19-2016, 10:32 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: High Prairie, Alberta
Posts: 2,501
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a blonde got pulled over by a female cop, also a blonde.
"can I see your license?"
the blonde motorist rifles thru her purse, looking confused. "what does it look like?" she asks.
"small, square, has your picture on it," says the cop.
the girl finds a little mirror in her purse, looks at it and holds it up happily. "here you go!" and hands it to the cop.
the police woman takes a look at it and goes
"Oh I'm so sorry maam, I didn't realize you were a police officer too. You can go now!"
.
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03-19-2016, 10:37 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Location
Posts: 4,961
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zip
My Boss texted me,"Send me one of your funny jokes."
I replied, "I'm working at the moment, and I'll send you one later."
He replied, "That was fantastic! Send me another one.
Zip |
Like
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03-19-2016, 10:55 PM
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Gone Hunting
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Between Bodo and a hard place
Posts: 20,168
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Two cannibals having a bowl of soup. One says "Ya know. I've always hated my mother inlaw".
Other one says "don't worry about it , just eat the noodles"
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I'm not lying!!! You are just experiencing it differently. 
It isn't a question of who will allow me, but who will stop me.. Ayn Rand
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03-19-2016, 11:06 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Calgary
Posts: 1,570
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One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says “Oh just a beer”. The bartender asked the man “Whats wrong,why are you so down today?”. The man said “My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she would’nt talk to me for a month”. The bartender said “So whats wrong with that”? The man siad “Well the month is up tonight”.
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IT'S TIMES LIKE THESE...
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03-20-2016, 09:11 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Calgary Perchdance
Posts: 19,046
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Digger1
The joke was that he said he was actually working?
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Working for someone else? 
__________________
It is not the most intellectual of the species that survives; it is not the strongest that survives; but the species that survives is the one that is able best to adapt and adjust to the changing environment in which it finds itself. Charles Darwin
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