Man Vs Beast a Fight for the Ages

[Jeron Kahyar]

We where talking yesterday duing a particularly slow work day about hand to hand combat with animals. Trying to sort out the rules and line of progression of animals you fight to conquer the beasts of land.

We figured there needs to be some qualifying bouts before the main title fights. So here is what we came up with.

Raccoon or Rabid Alley Cat > Coyote > Lynx or Bobcat > Kangaroo > Mid sized Monkey (Chimpanzee/ Macaque) > Mid sized Cat (Leopard/Cougar/Jaguar) > Black Bear > Grizzly Bear > Lion or Tiger > Silver Back Gorilla.

Now up to the monkey these fights are bare handed only. With the man vrs monkey fight he may pick up a rock to bonk you with. In this event you may deploy and use a fish boinker as a weapon. Then from the mid sized cat and up the use of a knife is allowable (6" or less blade length). Basically we figured if you are fighting within or above your weight class and the "Beast" has sharp appendages you should be allowed a knife.

This if course is all course to claim glory throughout the animal kingdom. We feel if you hand to hand fight a Silverback Gorilla and win you will likely have minstrels right songs of your life. Also if you die to the Coyote or Raccoon you will have been deemed unworthy and returned to sender ashamed.

I think this would be a worthy progression, but with the vast knowledge base here (and maybe a little boredom) we may be able to amend this list. Any thoughts?

[Hogie135]

What about body armour? does that come to play at any time during the progression?

I think you should also throw in a giant anaconda in there too.

[TBark]

Yep, slow day at work for sure.

TBark

[Jeron Kahyar]

Originally Posted by Hogie135

What about body armour? does that come to play at any time during the progression?

I think you should also throw in a giant anaconda in there too.

We, removed the use of body armor thinking "where does it end". You can make yourself nearly invincible vrs animals with the right armor. No glory can be had then surely?

Not sure where the anaconda fits in. Would you put it after the Kangaroo but before the Monkey? They are big and definitely strong, but the aposable thums and integence of the monkey can be a deadly combo.

[Jeron Kahyar]

Originally Posted by TBark

Yep, slow day at work for sure.

TBark

Oh come on now join in for a bit of fun conjecture.

[Hogie135]

Chimps are crazy! have you seen what they do to people? I'd much rather fight a kangaroo.

[Jeron Kahyar]

Originally Posted by Hogie135

Chimps are crazy! have you seen what they do to people? I'd much rather fight a kangaroo.

Agreed, that's why you need to progress to the Chimpanzee. You need to keep going up in difficulty to claim glory in the final title fight against a Gorilla.

This isn't Rocky here, you need to work your way up to fight Apollo Creed. You are no Italian Stallion to get a lucky pick at the title fight before proving your worth.

[wildwoods]

Originally Posted by Hogie135

Chimps are crazy! have you seen what they do to people? I'd much rather fight a kangaroo.

Me too
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIRT7lf8byw

[Hogie135]

Originally Posted by wildwoods

Me too
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIRT7lf8byw

I love that video!

[sjemac]

Already fought and defeated the coyote in unarmed hand-to-jaw combat. So I guess I need to find a lynx.

[Immigrant]

How will this fighting take place? Timed rounds in a octagon? At first I thought fighting to the death is a little extreme, but it would be tough to teach a kangaroo to "tap out".
Also, how long do you have to recover and train between fights?

[Jeron Kahyar]

Originally Posted by sjemac

Already fought and defeated the coyote in unarmed hand-to-jaw combat. So I guess I need to find a lynx.

Don't worry a Bobcat should suffice as well. Perhaps even a Wolverine in a pinch. You seem to be further along to clamming the title than most.

Originally Posted by Immigrant

How will this fighting take place? Timed rounds in a octagon? At first I thought fighting to the death is a little extreme, but it would be tough to teach a kangaroo to "tap out".
Also, how long do you have to recover and train between fights?

Well, I think the laws of nature will have to dictate these fights. No missio may be granted on your part. You must emerge victorious or accept a glorious death. The beast may show cowardice and be granted life if an honorable battle was given.

Not sure on the recovery time. Will these be pit style fights. You fight each apponent consecutively until a Victor emerges? There may need to be some sort of recovery period.

[ren008]

If this is assuming to the death thunder-dome style action I don't think most would get past the kangaroo. Males can approach 200 lbs and I'm thinking a few good good clawed kicks and it would be over.

The thought of facing off with a chimp armed only with a fish bat is terrifying; watch a few attack videos and survivor testimony. I think I would try to knock myself out with the bat in first few seconds I had so I wouldn't have to be conscious for when he rips and bites my face and junk off.

I like how many men vs chimp/bear/gorilla/etc discussions better as they allow for strategizing at least. What you gonna realistically do to a chimp with a baton? Or are these just pray you get the tiger in the heart with the knife as he pounces on you from across the room and crushes your skull types of scenarios?

If it's rules of nature in a habitat, most fights would consist of these critter running off.

[badger]

Honey Badger is top of the pyramid. A cobra can take the gorilla, and the Honey Badger takes the cobra.

[Immigrant]

Originally Posted by Jeron Kahyar

Don't worry a Bobcat should suffice as well. Perhaps even a Wolverine in a pinch. You seem to be further along to clamming the title than most.

Not sure on the recovery time. Will these be pit style fights. You fight each apponent consecutively until a Victor emerges? There may need to be some sort of recovery period.

I suggest at least a week recovery. That would give the antibiotics time to fight the infection of a rabid coyote bite. I assume this will be an international tournament? Logistically it will be tough to bring all those animals to North America.
There should also be the option to keep and mount whatever beast you defeated so you could hang it in your bar or basement.
May I also suggest you add a Hyena to your list. You can't call yourself the ultimate warrior till you roundhouse kick a hyena in the teeth

[brslk]

I want no part of this. my mother used to have a cat named "Sugar" that used to scratch and bite me every time I went to visit her.

[Immigrant]

Oh... and beaver....

[covey ridge]

Originally Posted by Jeron Kahyar

We where talking yesterday duing a particularly slow work day about hand to hand combat with animals. Trying to sort out the rules and line of progression of animals you fight to conquer the beasts of land.

We figured there needs to be some qualifying bouts before the main title fights. So here is what we came up with.

Raccoon or Rabid Alley Cat > Coyote > Lynx or Bobcat > Kangaroo > Mid sized Monkey (Chimpanzee/ Macaque) > Mid sized Cat (Leopard/Cougar/Jaguar) > Black Bear > Grizzly Bear > Lion or Tiger > Silver Back Gorilla.

Now up to the monkey these fights are bare handed only. With the man vrs monkey fight he may pick up a rock to bonk you with. In this event you may deploy and use a fish boinker as a weapon. Then from the mid sized cat and up the use of a knife is allowable (6" or less blade length). Basically we figured if you are fighting within or above your weight class and the "Beast" has sharp appendages you should be allowed a knife.

This if course is all course to claim glory throughout the animal kingdom. We feel if you hand to hand fight a Silverback Gorilla and win you will likely have minstrels right songs of your life. Also if you die to the Coyote or Raccoon you will have been deemed unworthy and returned to sender ashamed.

I think this would be a worthy progression, but with the vast knowledge base here (and maybe a little boredom) we may be able to amend this list. Any thoughts?

In a one on one on the spot confrontation man would probably not win against any of the above and would probably die in over half of the confrontations.

That said each and every species has lost to man, because man has made the rules and for the most part has prepared for the when and where and how. Now most of these species only live at the pleasure of man.

Fighting and animal for sport seems silly.

Big Strong man vs. small whitetail doe.

Man will get the **** kicked out of him.

[270person]

Originally Posted by Jeron Kahyar

We where talking yesterday duing a particularly slow work day about hand to hand combat with animals. Trying to sort out the rules and line of progression of animals you fight to conquer the beasts of land.

We figured there needs to be some qualifying bouts before the main title fights. So here is what we came up with.

Raccoon or Rabid Alley Cat > Coyote > Lynx or Bobcat > Kangaroo > Mid sized Monkey (Chimpanzee/ Macaque) > Mid sized Cat (Leopard/Cougar/Jaguar) > Black Bear > Grizzly Bear > Lion or Tiger > Silver Back Gorilla.

Now up to the monkey these fights are bare handed only. With the man vrs monkey fight he may pick up a rock to bonk you with. In this event you may deploy and use a fish boinker as a weapon. Then from the mid sized cat and up the use of a knife is allowable (6" or less blade length). Basically we figured if you are fighting within or above your weight class and the "Beast" has sharp appendages you should be allowed a knife.

This if course is all course to claim glory throughout the animal kingdom. We feel if you hand to hand fight a Silverback Gorilla and win you will likely have minstrels right songs of your life. Also if you die to the Coyote or Raccoon you will have been deemed unworthy and returned to sender ashamed.

I think this would be a worthy progression, but with the vast knowledge base here (and maybe a little boredom) we may be able to amend this list. Any thoughts?

In every one of those cases? The human loses every time.

Unless we can figure out some sort of advantage opposable thumbs give us. Like the ability to grip a 12 gauge semi auto loaded with SSG's. Then we beat all those bastidges.

Man owns the reasoning department and that's about it.

[covey ridge]

Originally Posted by Immigrant

There should also be the option to keep and mount whatever beast you defeated so you could hang it in your bar or basement.

On the other hand you should know that the victor will lift his leg and pizz on the shredded remains of the man.

[Jeron Kahyar]

Originally Posted by Immigrant

Oh... and beaver....

Nobody wants to be Bit*h slapped by a beaver tail!

Originally Posted by Immigrant

I suggest at least a week recovery. That would give the antibiotics time to fight the infection of a rabid coyote bite. I assume this will be an international tournament? Logistically it will be tough to bring all those animals to North America.
There should also be the option to keep and mount whatever beast you defeated so you could hang it in your bar or basement.
May I also suggest you add a Hyena to your list. You can't call yourself the ultimate warrior till you roundhouse kick a hyena in the teeth

I think this tournament would have to be open internationally. Might be tough when They ask "what are you importing this Gorrila for? .... "You know a glatitorial fight with a man to the death, nothing out if the ordinary".

Also you definitely get some style points if you manage to round house kick any of them into submission I think.

Originally Posted by covey ridge

In a one on one on the spot confrontation man would probably not win against any of the above and would probably die in over half of the confrontations.

I dunno about that. I believe Kevin Rose sowed a raccoon who is boss fairly well.

https://youtu.be/hHN-f6xTzsY

Originally Posted by 270person

Unless we can figure out some sort of advantage opposable thumbs give us.

You are afforded a knife once you have proven your worth in the lesser battles!