Divorce Question

troutbug · #1 10-27-2022, 10:58 PM

The time has come, Divorce is happening,

Neither of us want to go through lawyers, Im leaving her almost everything and agreed to cover the kids, rent etc.

Is there a way we should do this in writing and more official?

Mulehahn · #2 10-27-2022, 11:45 PM

I am sorry to hear that. I went through the same thing a couple of years ago, but without kids. She got the house, I got rec property.

We still went through lawyers but just to get a separation agreement drawn up. Because we had agreed she found the cheapest lawyer she could find (I used ours as I have a history with them) to draw up the forms, think it was about $500. They got sent over to my lawyer, they went over the agreement with me; made sure I agreed and signed it. Cost me $200 so $700 all in but it was worth it. Allowed the removal of each other off the properties, cards, etc without hassle. I know everyone wants to avoid lawyers but sometimes you should just bite the bullet and pay a professional. The cost was worth the convenience.

Again, sorry that you are going through it

300magman · #3 10-28-2022, 12:41 AM

Me and my ex did ours all ourselves. With a little bit of research, you can draft up a separation agreement together and sign it off to document the terms of the separation and date of official separation. Then, there is a guide that walks you through writing your own divorce (https://www.albertacourts.ca/qb/area.../divorce-forms) and has all the paperwork required (yours would likely be uncontested divorce with children with corollary relief order). We wrote our own, with our own terms. You then have to go to courthouse and have it reviewed, and when you go be sure to bring statement of income, in order to verify child support payment. there is a calculator on that page you can use to calculate child support. After they review it as "fair and properly filled out" you pay a couple hundred bucks, and a handful of months later the divorce judgement comes in the mail and you can request your certificate of divorce. Honestly, if you are amicable with your ex, i cant begin to understan why anyone would pay to have this done. Took us all of like 2 hours total to draft the separation agreement and divorce, and maybe an hour at the courthouse for review.

We did utilize a lawyer to document asset distribution.....I bought her out of the house, so they charged us $100 to document that, and then we took that to the bank along with the divorce judgement and got her removed from the title. Obviously, this type of thing takes an element of trust, so it totally depends on where you guys are at.

With all the horror stories of divorce, mine was totally the opposite, easy, cheap and we coparent with shared custody perfectly, both are remarried to good spouses who are good influences on the kids, etc. Just figured i would mention that it can be done very cheap, painless and successfully if both parties are committed to it.

300magman · #4 10-28-2022, 12:46 AM

And i am sorry that you are going through this. When i mentioned painless above, that was a catch all for "pain in the azz", not emotionally. That side unfortunately i think is unavoidable.

Joes · #5 10-28-2022, 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by troutbug

The time has come, Divorce is happening,

Neither of us want to go through lawyers, Im leaving her almost everything and agreed to cover the kids, rent etc.

Is there a way we should do this in writing and more official?

I’m separated but not proceeding with divorce at this point. But we did do a lot of research about the steps should we go down that road though. The government has some kind of a free mediation service that will draft up a mediated agreement. It can include everything from property, possessions, support and time with the kids. Someone also told me about court counselors who can help apparently although I don’t know with what piece or how to get a hold of them. I also agree that with a little digging, it’s not necessary to use a lawyer for a separation agreement because you can get them online and you can also do the divorce yourselves - if amicable enough.

I also am really sorry that you guys are going through this. There is an emotional toll it takes on a person no doubt. I’m always curious when people move forward with divorce… how they knew there wasn’t hope anymore? How does a person know there is nothing else that can be done to save the marriage - especially if it’s not a situation where there was cheating or abuse. Anyway not really my business or the topic at hand lol. I genuinely do hope that the process goes as smoothly as it can and that you both move forward to happier days. Take care. It’s not a path people typically think they will be on - or atleast I know I never expected to be separated - so best of luck through it all.

glen moa · #6 10-28-2022, 09:49 AM

Everyone has there own personal limit of BS they will put up with. Your not making me happy and you never will. If I know that I did everything I could (an intelligent third party would agree). I will cut you lose. I will be sad but it will be better.
It’s hard to put into words because it’s something you just feel.

marky_mark · #7 10-28-2022, 10:44 AM

Go talk to a lawyer
Get professional advice for the questions you have
How you feel today, won’t be how you feel in the next 6 months
Don’t sell your future because you feel guilty that your getting divorced

stubblejumper01 · #8 10-28-2022, 10:58 AM

I keep hearing commercials for Fairway Divorce lawyers. Sounds like they specialize in non-contested divorce proceedings. Might be worth a call anyway

Lefty-Canuck · #9 10-28-2022, 11:32 AM

Mine as supposed to go this way… figure it out, until she had a weekend with her Mom and Sister… then I had to get a lawyer.

LC

marky_mark · #10 10-28-2022, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lefty-Canuck

Mine as supposed to go this way… figure it out, until she had a weekend with her Mom and Sister… then I had to get a lawyer.

LC

100%
The hens will Congregate and the it will hit the fan

There will come a time when you will want to rebuild your life with someone else
Likewise for her
Don’t put yourself behind the 8 ball and commit to more than what is your legal responsibility
This is a decision that you do not want to involve your emotions

javlin101 · #11 10-28-2022, 12:00 PM

Mine was the divorce from hell. 8 years of lawyers & loss of cash. We have 4 kids in the mix.

If you do this on your own at least have a lawyer review the divorce to insure the thing is legal . Worth the money in the end. As mentioned things can unravel quickly.

Smokey · #12 10-29-2022, 04:48 AM

If you civil, only use lawyers for what you need. The are paralegal services that can be more beneficial then lawyers who lie. The only lawyer who lies more then opposing party is your own. Always be cognizant a reasonable situation can turn stupid. Lawyers will convince other parties this is how it is done and it can go sideways fast.

I've been through a bad situation, but a desk divorce can turn into a multi year affair when one party gets jaded. You can win in court without one, Be careful.

Mayhem42 · #13 10-29-2022, 06:23 AM

Some benefits cover a consult as well - but I agree with seeking a consult with a professional. It’s not near term that’s an issue so much as 3-5 years from now when things drastically change and you don’t have an agreement. Please get an agreement in place.

Pioneer2 · #14 10-29-2022, 07:30 AM

Three words ..........get a lawyer

huntinstuff · #15 10-29-2022, 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lefty-Canuck

Mine as supposed to go this way… figure it out, until she had a weekend with her Mom and Sister… then I had to get a lawyer.

LC

Bingo!!!

People tend to pick sides rather than listening objectively to both sides and seeing the whole picture. They will help in war, but do nothing to foster peace.

You are "family" until someone has an issue, Then the lines are drawn.

It always strikes me as weird how fast families discard inlaws.

hayseed · #16 10-29-2022, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by huntinstuff

Bingo!!!

People tend to pick sides rather than listening objectively to both sides and seeing the whole picture. They will help in war, but do nothing to foster peace.

You are "family" until someone has an issue, Then the lines are drawn.

It always strikes me as weird how fast families discard inlaws.

You couldn't be more bang on...

JB_AOL · #17 10-29-2022, 12:15 PM

I guess it truly depends on how much you trust your soon to be ex.

I know of 2 married couples recently that are going thru divorce/separation, and it turns out there are hidden bank accounts/investments/properties/etc. Initially both sides had agreed to use a mediator, not after that was discovered.

In these situations both had stay-at-home moms (15+ years), so ensuring they were taken care of appropriately until they can get their path figured out, and getting their fair share was of utmost importance. Needless to say, it's not cheap, but if you have a guy feeling something isn't right, it's not.

FortMac · #18 10-29-2022, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glen moa

Everyone has there own personal limit of BS they will put up with. Your not making me happy and you never will. If I know that I did everything I could (an intelligent third party would agree). I will cut you lose. I will be sad but it will be better.
It’s hard to put into words because it’s something you just feel.

Are you the Other party?

Squirrelnuttz · #19 10-29-2022, 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marky_mark

Go talk to a lawyer
Get professional advice for the questions you have
How you feel today, won’t be how you feel in the next 6 months
Don’t sell your future because you feel guilty that your getting divorced

^^^^^^^^^^^This X 1000
Utilize the time to best effect if you are amicable with the soon to be ex. The cash paid for a coherent, professional assessment/ consultation is cheap compared to getting it wrong or be caught unaware of a law or procedural step. Go in prepared, with all related info and financial figures in hand, and be prepared to listen.

The tune generally changes when the ex (wife) does the same, and realizes the potential amounts she can attain. Not just property and asset split, but in monthly spousal support potentially thousands per annum - Dower Rights. Goes on for years, sometimes indefinitely, depending on situation.

Money on the table changes things. Get a good deal hammered out without lawyers actually doing it if you can, and run the deal by the lawyer before agreeing to anything. Just the $500 consultation may open your eyes and prepare you for the moment when you are sitting over a coffee and hashing it out, if you can.

If you're dealing with children of the marriage, access, and child support that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish. Same remedy amicable but aware, make a fair deal on your own if at all possible, and get it filed. If there is a hell on earth, family court is it's amusement park. Inherently biased, expensive and in reality punishment by process, where no one really wins. Except the lawyers.

It gets expensive on the legal bills if it goes to lawyers negotiating back and forth on your behalf. Just a consult and review of agreement, perhaps filing is the cheaper part. Even the filing you can do yourself. So much goes out the window in terms of options and cost savings when it gets combative.

Just my 2 cents. Get professional advice.