Waste not want not; and other favorite quotes from your parents

[Au revoir, Gopher]

From my mom, "A change is as good as a rest."

From my dad, "Keep your pecker in your pants."

ARG

[Freedom55]

"Go to school boy or you'll end up a ditch-digger."

From goon spoon to track hoe I've dug plenty of ditches, trenches, canals and fire guards; with a pension to boot.

Free

[daveyn]

From my dad
Im drier than a Nun's fart,

to this day I still don't understand why a Nun's fart is particularly dry. Not all things parents say make good sense.

[daveyn]

Again from my Dad, heard numerous times all through my hockey career,

"that particular play was less than spectacular"

[daveyn]

My Dad on hunting

If you're gonna kill it then kill it, if you're hopin you can kill it don't shoot it.

[bloopbloob]

My birds and the bees talk from my dad, I remember hearing my mom forcing him to do it. She found a mag under my mattress...

Dad sat me down, and said think with this head, couple light whacks with a ruler. Not this head, couple whacks with the ruler....

[Ken07AOVette]

Originally Posted by bloopbloob

My birds and the bees talk from my dad, I remember hearing my mom forcing him to do it. She found a mag under my mattress...

Dad sat me down, and said think with this head, couple light whacks with a ruler. Not this head, couple whacks with the ruler....

Too good.

My dad when I asked about girls was 1 word, 1 very stern look.

DON'T.

and that ended that conversation lol

[kingrat]

Wait till your dad gets home
ill give you something to cry about
fight your own fights
no one likes a tattle tail

[Ken07AOVette]

'I brought you into this world, I can take you out!' Mom, always in jest

[Tannerdog]

My dad to me as a kid playing hockey. I was defense.
"They can't score a goal on you if they're laying on their back"

[thumper]

Originally Posted by daveyn

From my dad
Im drier than a Nun's fart,

to this day I still don't understand why a Nun's fart is particularly dry. Not all things parents say make good sense.

Maybe he thought you'd automatically fill in the second part;

"Drier than a Nun's fart in a sandstorm"

[DisplacedCaper]

As a teen when leaving the house my dad would always say some pleasantry like “have fun, have a good night” or “home by midnight” but ALWAYS followed by
“The life you save, may be your own”


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[gordfishing]

my dad

I'm note saying their crooked but if I was a chicken/rooster
I'd roost dam high

[warriorboy10]

“Slicker than snot on a doorknob”
“Be an asset not a hinderance”
“Don’t put your p&*$er where you wouldn’t put your fingers”

[Sundog57]

Originally Posted by thumper

Maybe he thought you'd automatically fill in the second part;

"Drier than a Nun's fart in a sandstorm"

Um...
Familiar with the "drier than a Nun's" but I don't quite remember the fart part of that expression.

[abhunter8]

My dad had several that stick with me still today:

Lost Job:
"You were looking for a job when you found that one"

Son going out:
"Be good and if you can't be good, be careful!"

Hungry:
"I am so hungry I could eat an arshole out of a skunk!"

Morning breath:
"My mouth tastes like a chinamans armpit!" No racial intention meant, just a
saying.

Bad Friends:
"Choose your friends wisely, you are who you are with!"

[walker1]

My Mom....... no one likes a sneak!
My buddies father when he would be chasing girls..... if you are going to lay down with dogs you are going to get fleas!!!
dumb as a stump
so many others

[traderal]

My mom: You're laughing in the morning, but you'll be crying in the afternoon.
(which meant if I'm goofing around in the morning i'll be gettin a spankin later).

My father: son, don't pee into the wind.

[Joezam18]

Them that don't listen gotta feel.

[MyAlberta]

Dad; now what have you done?
Mom; if your head wasn’t screwed on you would have lost it long ago.

[schmedlap]

I see about 10 of the above that my Grandma, Mom, or Dad used and I won't repeat. My Dad had lots of them, including;
The bigger the bible the guy is waving, the more likely he is to be a con artist.
They (He/She) couldn't organize a ****-up in a brewery.
If it is worth doing, it is worth doing well.
There is no such thing as a free lunch.
The engineers who designed this should have been made to work on it.
[Advice on marriage] Find a rich widow with a bad cough.
Dumber than a bag of hammers.
He's about 2 slices short of a loaf.

[icecold]

My grandmother "put up or shut up"

[sns2]

There was a really skinny kid who lived around the block. His name was Norm. Whenever he'd come over, my Dad would say to him, "Norm your so skinny if you sit down you will fall through your ass and hang yourself!"

If there were a less than attractive lady on the street he'd say, "Son, she's so ugly her face looks like a can of smashed a_sholes!"

at times he would alternate with,

"Son, she's so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water just to get a drink!"

or

"She's so ugly she could haunt houses for a living!"

and his most used of all

"Son, this is gonna hurt me worse than it hurts you!"

[OL_JR]

Pops had a couple I remember

"Buggers so cheap he probably still has his first buck" and

"You don't need to squash and ant, to know you can squash an ant"

[glen moa]

Cousin billy is so skinny he has to run around in the shower to get wet

[glen moa]

“Do you want a biff in the ear”

[HVA7mm]

Originally Posted by bloopbloob

My birds and the bees talk from my dad, I remember hearing my mom forcing him to do it. She found a mag under my mattress...

Dad sat me down, and said think with this head, couple light whacks with a ruler. Not this head, couple whacks with the ruler....

My only birds & bees/marriage talk consisted of: "Make sure the screwin' you're gettin' now is worth the screwin' you might be gettin' later on."

[Oowatanite]

"She looks like 10 pounds of s*** stuffed in a five pound bag"

-My Dad

[Map Maker]

Originally Posted by warriorboy10

“Slicker than snot on a doorknob”
“Be an asset not a hinderance”
“Don’t put your p&*$er where you wouldn’t put your fingers”

Lol think you got that one mixed up.

[CptnBlues63]

Originally Posted by obsessed1

Don't write checks your body can't cash.

It's "Don't write checks with your mouth your body can't cash" Typically said to someone flapping his beak and about to get a fist in the face. I've been on both ends of this one at one time or another.......lol

My dad used to like to say, "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride" I got to thinking about it one night as a teen and figured he was wrong. So the next time he said it I told him, "Dad, if wishes were horses, beggars would eat horse meat" He never said that one again.

Thinking about it now, I figure the beggar would sell the horse and buy food.........but whatever!