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11-13-2019, 09:13 PM
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Banned
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: YEG
Posts: 9,981
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bushmaster
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11-14-2019, 09:09 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 114
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RandyBoBandy
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Where are the poppies?
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11-14-2019, 11:04 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 3,082
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The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest. "Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest. "It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man. "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk -you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest. "Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?" "Of course, my son," said the priest. The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?".
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11-19-2019, 08:46 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: On the border in Lloydminster
Posts: 8,364
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Who's number 1 in the number 2 business
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11-22-2019, 03:03 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Calgary
Posts: 2,317
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11-22-2019, 03:19 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Calgary
Posts: 2,317
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RandyBoBandy
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Which one is Don Curry? 
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11-22-2019, 07:41 PM
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Banned
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: YEG
Posts: 9,981
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stuckincity
Which one is Don Curry?
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11-22-2019, 08:28 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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ho ho ho
__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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11-22-2019, 08:31 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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only a month away.
__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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11-22-2019, 08:33 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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...
__________________
___________________________________________
This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
___________________________________________
It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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11-22-2019, 08:43 PM
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Banned
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: YEG
Posts: 9,981
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Bullets
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Santa has quite the PACKAGE 
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11-22-2019, 08:52 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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I think they'll be hiring a new truck driver
__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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11-22-2019, 09:52 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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Don't forget a bottle for the back pack for those long hunting trips...
__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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11-25-2019, 11:13 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 3,422
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Gotta love those Aussies
Survival story with a happy ending.
__________________
“One of the sad signs of our times is that we have demonized those who produce, subsidized those who refuse to produce, and canonized those who complain.” - Thomas Sowell
“We seem to be getting closer and closer to a situation where nobody is responsible for what they did but we are all responsible for what somebody else did.”- Thomas Sowell
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11-25-2019, 04:23 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Calgary
Posts: 2,317
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Bullets
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Now if only decent-looking women dressed like Connery........
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12-02-2019, 11:50 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Near Edmonton
Posts: 15,049
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Smile for the day
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12-02-2019, 02:52 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Calgary
Posts: 1,815
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Mikey.
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12-02-2019, 03:34 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Calgary
Posts: 2,317
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12-02-2019, 04:17 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Calgary
Posts: 1,815
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Grizzly fighting!
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12-02-2019, 06:07 PM
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Banned
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,134
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I just heard the Trans Mountain was supposed to begin before Christmas
That’s the Joke.....
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12-02-2019, 07:08 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 91
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A guy working out of town decides he needs to visit the local brothel. He walks in, places $1000 on the counter, and says to the Madam: "I want your ugliest girl, and a slice of burnt pizza please".
The madam looks at the cash and says " Sir for that you can have my best looking girl, and a nice 3 course meal".
"Oh I'm not hungry," he says, "and certainly not horny". "I am feeling homesick"............
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12-04-2019, 11:43 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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A young woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitars.
The judge asked her, " First offender?"
She relied," No, your honor, Gibson first, then the Fender."
__________________
___________________________________________
This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
___________________________________________
It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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12-04-2019, 11:44 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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today...
__________________
___________________________________________
This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
___________________________________________
It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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12-05-2019, 10:48 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Camrose county
Posts: 3,492
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stuckincity
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Yessir that's cruelty.
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If people concentrated on the really important things in life,there would be a shortage of fishing poles.Doug larson. Theres a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. Steven Wright.
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12-05-2019, 11:39 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 3,422
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Not vegan friendly
I found a hair in a McDonald's burger the other day...when did they start using natural ingredients? 
__________________
“One of the sad signs of our times is that we have demonized those who produce, subsidized those who refuse to produce, and canonized those who complain.” - Thomas Sowell
“We seem to be getting closer and closer to a situation where nobody is responsible for what they did but we are all responsible for what somebody else did.”- Thomas Sowell
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12-05-2019, 12:48 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 8,494
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Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
__________________
You're only as good as your last haircut
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12-05-2019, 03:08 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Near Edmonton
Posts: 15,049
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Today's ☺
Quote:
A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and I’ve left you … don't bother coming after me."
Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
After a short while the husband came home. She could hear him in the kitchen before he came into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.
After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone. "She's finally gone … yeah I know, about bloody time. I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you … can't wait to see you … we'll do all the naughty things you like."
He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.
She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes, she grabbed the note to see what he wrote ..."I can see your feet. We're out of bread; be back in five minutes."
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12-08-2019, 03:10 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Near Edmonton
Posts: 15,049
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Smile for a nice Sunny Sunday
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12-08-2019, 03:27 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Calgary
Posts: 2,317
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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy negligee.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want".
So he tied her up and went fishing.
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12-09-2019, 02:16 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Near Edmonton
Posts: 15,049
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Today's chuckle
Quote:
Psychiatrist vs Bartender
As a child, I always had a fear of someone under the bed at night. So
I went to a shrink and told him: I've got problems. Every time I go
to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm
going crazy.”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink.... “Come
talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of
those fears.” “How much do you charge?” “One hundred fifty dollars
per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I'll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you
come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.
“Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year, is $23,400.00. A
bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that
money that I went and bought a new pickup truck.”
“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask,
did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.”
It’s always better to get a second opinion
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