Giving financial help to adult children

[elk396]

Originally Posted by Big Sky

Sat in a boat for a couple of days with a friend last week. Solved all the world's problems.

Something we talked about at length was helping out our kids financially.
Generally, I've long been in the "let them make their own way" camp, but after talking with my friend I am rethinking some things.

His thoughts ....As an example, $10k contributed to a down payment on a house will save them much more than that in the long run. Why wait until you die to give them money when a small amount given now can help so much more?

What we have done is repay for post sec educations.
Also, sold my kid our old pickup for a steal of a price. He's saving tons by not making payments and putting the money towards his next vehicle.

What are your thoughts?
Have you helped your adult children?
What have you done?
What's reasonable? What's too much?

Don’t do it! Take it from my experience, it won’t help your kids become better people or employees. Even though they are your own children they become accustomed to having the old man there to top up their life. Helped put down payment on homes and provided decent used vehicles to get them off and running, also put both kids thru to get degrees. Now they are asking me to go vehicle shopping as the old jalopy is on its last legs. They need to get hungry a bit to realize it’s up to them to get things out of life. I had no help and am very successful, worked very hard to get every thing I have. I know I wouldn’t have tried so hard if my daddy was putting money out for me. It’s a tough one, but just help educate them, then give a nice tap out of the nest. They will thank you for it one day. Watch the movie ‘grand Torino ‘ if you need to see what happens

[badbrass]

Yes I do! Just to know that when you have all these funds in RRSP"S. If both of you Husband & wife, get taking out ( killed) in the same time. 48% of those funds are a given to the Government, no questions asked! So for the ones that say they want to leave their family with a big nest egg? Do A TFSA. A RRSP is nothing more than a extended taxation! Nothing more! When your in the ground, it does not matter!

[58thecat]

Give your kids financial advice, no handouts, teach them to be responsible adults and if they follow a path they too can be completely dept free before 50 with toys too....archive short term goals to reach the long term goal....

[Geraldsh]

A few years ago my son hit a rough spot; got downsized out of his job and his car died the same week. I sold him my car and told him to just make payments to my visa account whenever he got back to work. As soon as he got hired he started putting $100.00 on the account every payday. I have mentioned a couple times "that car must be paid off by now" but he just grins and keeps paying.

[kevinhits]

My oldest Son is gung ho on being an airplane pilot. I have seen the costs for his education and cannot really afford it, but we will make it work so he can pursue his dreams.....

[obsessed1]

My folks helps us kids out by teaching us the value of a dollar and how to save wisely. Not one of us didn't have 20k saved up in the bank/ investments from our own hard earned money. Most of us used it for down payment some for school but all of use have earned our own way with nothing more than solid budgeting and money training from our folks. I plan to do the same with my kids. My parents taught us well and worked hard to find us jobs we could do to earn money and get started on saving. School, cars, houses...ect all can be bought if a person is willing to work hard and save. Some of my sibling bought houses as early as 18 years of age. Some of my siblings are owners of several houses. All bought on their own with no financial help from mom and dad.

[tri777]

My system,
when the time comes for moving out,
gonna be gifted $15,000 into savings account.(if they havent aquired how to spend wisely at this point, so be it they have my blessing).
The latter will be inherited.

[Spidey]

I am definitely in the "it depends" camp. Our kids are just about to leave the nest in the next year or two and my filter for helping them out financially is:

Is what I'm giving them going to be more "empowering" or "enabling". They've both got great heads on their shoulders and are working part time jobs and saving for school. We've heavily invested in RESP's so hopefully they will be off to a good start.

That said, I'm very cautious about this topic after watching siblings get treated financially very differently, as a young kid watching the financial despairity with my mom and her siblings as well as on my wife's side of the family. My wife was expected to pay back any loan she got from her parents and always did. Unfortunately, this was not consistent within the family. It nearly caused irreparable damage a few years ago, until we decided that it was in our best interests to not be privy to what her parents do with their money.... period. There are definitely some scars from this that are apparent to this day, but we've learned a lot too.

As a result of my mom's similar experiences growing up with her siblings, any money ever lent to my sisters and I went into a ledger and all kids were treated equally in terms of repayment or debt forgiveness. This has resulted in all of us being financially stable.

My personal mantra (after having seen it done wrong first hand as a child and as an adult) is "do not give money to your child because you feel sorry for them or take pity on them". It sets up a very risky and potentially dependent dynamic...

[omega50]

Originally Posted by kevinhits

My oldest Son is gung ho on being an airplane pilot. I have seen the costs for his education and cannot really afford it, but we will make it work so he can pursue his dreams.....

My high school history teacher dug really deep to fund his son's aviation career in the late 80's.

The son wanted to say thanks and bought him a villa in the South of France a few years back

[Flight01]

Always invest in education

Everyday life, bills, repairing a car, other things... a little more reluctant

I don’t have adult kids yet. But I am an adult kid. Mom and Dad paid their dues by raising me and associated costs. After that, I took a loan for university , a job for college, and only asked for advice, no bail outs.

Do whatever you feel is right. But do not mistake giving things or money with love. Love can be tough. Hard Lessons are character building

I know plenty of spoiled adults and soon to be adults. If it starts early it’s hard to correct.