Trump Jokes

[Dean2]

I like a lot of things that Trump has accomplished while in office but I do think he is a truly flawed human being. I found this parody of him so close to the truth I could easily see him saying it.

DONALD GOES TO THE VATICAN

Donald took a quick trip to Rome to show his concern for the Pope.

"I met with Pope Francis today. He's a really great pope — great, great pope. You know he's the leader of the Catholic Church — big church.

"I couldn't believe it when he told me how many Catholics there are. Way more than I thought. They have churches all over the world; some are very, very close (so close) to my hotels and golf courses. He tells me he's elected for life, probably copying that Xi guy in China. Fantastic idea, though. Fantastic. It turns out the pope is a lot like me, you never see him with his wife.

"He told me he's infallible. I said that's great, you'll never have to worry about breaking a hip. And told me about a Mary Magdalene, beautiful girl, beautiful. Apparently a hooker. I asked him for her number. Didn't catch his answer. I'm told he said it in Latin. I give the guy credit because he doesn't look Latino.

"He took me into the Sistine Chapel. Beautiful ceiling. Not the usual white stucco stuff. I don't think too many people even know about this place. The paintings are great, I'm telling you. Lots ofcolours.

"The Pope (great guy, by the way, knows more about the Bible than almost anybody — we got along great, I think he really likes me) told me the whole thing was painted by this young Italian. I think his name is MikeLangelo.

"At least that's what Francis (we're great friends) called him, I think. Trust me, we're going to hear more about this guy. He's really artistic, and everybody tells me I have the greatest eye for the best art. It's natural, just like my incredible understanding of science. All the renowned scientists say they can't believe it.

"I told Frank I'd like to buy some of Mike's art. I asked if Mike's done anything on velvet. He'll check (great guy). I'll hang his stuff at Mar-a-Lago or Trump Tower. This Mike guy needs more exposure. He's too much with the churches.

"He could paint my presidential portrait on the Capitol Dome. Or maybe a mural on my big, beautiful border wall; but just on our side.

"When we left, the pope gave me a bible. Huge book. (Huge. ) I told him I have the full set. You get one for free every time you take a porn star to a hotel room."

[pauses]

"Unbelievable. Just heard. The lamestream media is at it again. Fake news. (Fake news.) I just saw something on TV. They claim Mike the painter died 450 years ago. Sad. I've already got people looking into this and you won't believe what they're finding."

[Gade81]

True that he is flawed, but then even I am. As to the rest, funny, but really???

[tri777]

Originally Posted by Dean2

"..I like a lot of things that Trump has accomplished while in office but I do think he is a truly
flawed human being.."

His #1 biggest ugely orange flaw, is how terrorism just up and disappeared..almost as if,
I dunno, it was being funded to exist as a big bad wolf all along..

[bat119]

He is a little senile

President Donald Trump said, as he has repeatedly in the past, that this is the worst pandemic since "1917" -- then added that the "1917" pandemic "probably ended the Second World War."

Close Donny real close

[Twisted Canuck]

That's funny stuff. If you can't appreciate a good parody, you should probably try and not take life so seriously. And I agree, he is a deeply flawed individual. But I still suspect he was the better choice than another Clinton.

But what an awful binary choice to have to make, in that election, and the one that's coming up.

[Grizzly Adams]

Originally Posted by bat119

He is a little senile

President Donald Trump said, as he has repeatedly in the past, that this is the worst pandemic since "1917" -- then added that the "1917" pandemic "probably ended the Second World War."

Close Donny real close

Unfortunately for the US, Biden is even more addle brained and and he's made some similar gaffs, but the media skips over them.

Grizz

[HalfBreed]

Originally Posted by Twisted Canuck

That's funny stuff. If you can't appreciate a good parody, you should probably try and not take life so seriously. And I agree, he is a deeply flawed individual. But I still suspect he was the better choice than another Clinton.

But what an awful binary choice to have to make, in that election, and the one that's coming up.

Agreed, Americans must really harbour true hate for themselves to provide themselves with such choice.

[Big Grey Wolf]

Trump in for lot of trouble with Kamala, the California District Prosecutor will be after his kohonees, called her a "nasty women" will no longer be a joke.

[pikergolf]

Originally Posted by Twisted Canuck

That's funny stuff. If you can't appreciate a good parody, you should probably try and not take life so seriously. And I agree, he is a deeply flawed individual. But I still suspect he was the better choice than another Clinton.

But what an awful binary choice to have to make, in that election, and the one that's coming up.

What I want to know, is how can a country with as many qualified people as they have end up with Clinton against Trump. Makes no sense at all. It's like they have taken leave of their senses. And yes Trump was better than Clinton, but there had to be better people than either.

[Bigwoodsman]

Funny story! I like Trump for what he has done. I love the way he gets MSM all stirred up, and flappable.

I too am flawed and have done things I wish I hadn't.

If only we could all be perfect like a Democrat or a lieberal!

BW

[pikergolf]

Originally Posted by Bigwoodsman

Funny story! I like Trump for what he has done. I love the way he gets MSM all stirred up, and flappable.

I too am flawed and have done things I wish I hadn't.

If only we could all be perfect like a Democrat or a lieberal!

BW

You can make light of his flaws, but the man has divided the country like no one I have ever seen. If they do break out in civil war, it is at his feet. He has done nothing to bring the country together, if anything he has taken joy in inflaming differences.

[Dean2]

I don't think I am perfect either, nor do I think those that went before Trump were perfect. The big difference is, Trump's foibles are endlessly covered by his enemies in the media and further exacerbated by many of his actions on Twitter. That said, if it wasn't for his Twitter posts his message would have been buried by the media. One thing about Trump, he doesn't take poop from anyone.



When it was Trump vs Clinton, to me there was no doubt Trump was the better choice, with Biden as the other option then Trump for sure is the better choice. I don't think Biden has all his faculties and even if he did, his policies and positions are wacked. With respect to Trump dividing the country, I don't subscribe to that, I put the current division squarely on Obama's shoulders. Race relations at the end of his Presidency were the worst they have ever been and the divide between the Blue Collar and White Collar was even worse. I don't believe the appeasement politics of the Democrats will result in better relations. Just take a look at the rioting and lawlessness in Democrat run cities and States. That doesn't exist to near the same extent in the Republican areas.


Now, back to regular programming, I was hoping to see a few more Trump jokes.

[CaberTosser]

The first half was amusing, the last half was rather dry.

With the civil unrest these days, I don’t think a Democrat could restore order. Though when I read Harris’s wiki page yesterday it seemed she did some good stuff as District Attorney, significantly increasing conviction rates by 20%. One thing that impressed me was she got something in place to hold parents accountable for chronically truant kids, who represent a lot of crime. Hold the parents responsible to keep kids in school = less crime. Seems like a sensible, conservative approach... Though I can’t say anything about Biden, dude seems off, and about as exciting as plain toast.

[Dean2]

Originally Posted by CaberTosser

The first half was amusing, the last half was rather dry.

With the civil unrest these days, I don’t think a Democrat could restore order. Though when I read Harris’s wiki page yesterday it seemed she did some good stuff as District Attorney, significantly increasing conviction rates by 20%. One thing that impressed me was she got something in place to hold parents accountable for chronically truant kids, who represent a lot of crime. Hold the parents responsible to keep kids in school = less crime. Seems like a sensible, conservative approach... Though I can’t say anything about Biden, dude seems off, and about as exciting as plain toast.

Just like a real Trump speech. That is what makes it such a great Parody.

[MyAlberta]

Originally Posted by Big Grey Wolf

Trump in for lot of trouble with Kamala, the California District Prosecutor will be after his kohonees, called her a "nasty women" will no longer be a joke.

What’s the chance that the Pence / Harris debate be cancelled?
Trump dug his own hole, Harris has been handed the shovel.

[Twisted Canuck]

Originally Posted by pikergolf

What I want to know, is how can a country with as many qualified people as they have end up with Clinton against Trump. Makes no sense at all. It's like they have taken leave of their senses. And yes Trump was better than Clinton, but there had to be better people than either.

Yep, it's astonishing isn't it. I firmly believe that you could have gone to any well managed medium sized corporation in America, something with 2000-10,000 employees say. You go into the middle management, and ask all the folks there who is the hardest working most ethical and respected person in the office....then you tell that person they are the President of the United States. You are almost guaranteed to have a superior person than any recent candidates.

And to be better than Clinton or Biden or Trump, you could randomly pick a manager at a Popeyes or Taco Bell, and be ahead of the curve a bit.

It's appalling.

[midgetwaiter]

Originally Posted by Twisted Canuck

Yep, it's astonishing isn't it. I firmly believe that you could have gone to any well managed medium sized corporation in America, something with 2000-10,000 employees say. You go into the middle management, and ask all the folks there who is the hardest working most ethical and respected person in the office....then you tell that person they are the President of the United States.

When it comes down to general election time I agree with you to some extent but if you look at the primaries that proceeded them you can’t tell me there weren’t some better choices available. I don’t think you’re gonna find out Marco Rubio was sleeping with porn stars and paying them hush money. You may or may not like Elizabeth Warren’s ideas but I doubt you would find her funnelling suspect payments through a charity that kicks money back through the family’s chain of golf resorts. Better candidates are available, they lose.

Just last night some lunatic in Georgia who supports this Qanon garbage won a republican congressional primary. This is who the electorate wants and it’s not a trend that will reverse on its own.

[Twisted Canuck]

Originally Posted by midgetwaiter

When it comes down to general election time I agree with you to some extent but if you look at the primaries that proceeded them you can’t tell me there weren’t some better choices available. I don’t think you’re gonna find out Marco Rubio was sleeping with porn stars and paying them hush money. You may or may not like Elizabeth Warren’s ideas but I doubt you would find her funnelling suspect payments through a charity that kicks money back through the family’s chain of golf resorts. Better candidates are available, they lose.

Just last night some lunatic in Georgia who supports this Qanon garbage won a republican congressional primary. This is who the electorate wants and it’s not a trend that will reverse on its own.

Yes, there were certainly better candidates in the primaries. I thought Ben Carson would have been the pick if you were looking for intellect and integrity, from what I read about him. The primaries do seem to be similar to electing student council in high school. Nothing but a popularity contest for the most part, completely devoid of any interest in actual qualifications.

This, for the office of President of the United States.

I guess they got what they wanted, and deserved.

As did Eastern Canada. We didn't deserve JT though....

[Pathfinder76]

Originally Posted by pikergolf

You can make light of his flaws, but the man has divided the country like no one I have ever seen. If they do break out in civil war, it is at his feet. He has done nothing to bring the country together, if anything he has taken joy in inflaming differences.

Isn’t that kinda like saying that you made me mad?

[Zip-in-Z]

Good thread for a few of these ....

























Bye Donnie .... your done!

[Bigwoodsman]

Originally Posted by pikergolf

You can make light of his flaws, but the man has divided the country like no one I have ever seen. If they do break out in civil war, it is at his feet. He has done nothing to bring the country together, if anything he has taken joy in inflaming differences.

I won't get in an argument over this with you. I will say the Democrats have contributed as much or more to the division as the Republicans have. It takes two, and the Dems are so ****ed off that Trump beat them in 2016, they were seething and attacking him personally and relentless in doing so. Not much support for the country as a whole from them either.

BW

[ward]

Originally Posted by Grizzly Adams

Unfortunately for the US, Biden is even more addle brained and and he's made some similar gaffs, but the media skips over them.

Grizz

He will get his turn if he wins.

[GENINC]

Originally Posted by Bigwoodsman

I won't get in an argument over this with you. I will say the Democrats have contributed as much or more to the division as the Republicans have. It takes two, and the Dems are so ****ed off that Trump beat them in 2016, they were seething and attacking him personally and relentless in doing so. Not much support for the country as a whole from them either.

BW

Hmm sure... that's like calling out kids because they stood up to a bully in high school. Oh and it most certainly does not necessarily "take two"... there can be just simply one ******* ruining the fun for everybody, you know, like it is in real life sometimes.

[Redhorse Ranch]

I agree with James Woods; "Let's face it. Donald Trump is a rough individual. He is vain, insensitive and raw. But he loves America more than any President in my lifetime. He is the last firewall between us and this cesspool called Washington. I'll take him any day over any of these bums."

The media hates him because he isn't a career politician, and therefore cannot be bought or coerced. What his enemies in the Deep State have done is far worse than anything that took down the Nixon presidency, and they walk freely among us.

I'd say the divisiveness comes from the left.

[KGB]

^^^ I solemnly agree 100%

[roper1]

Too funny, good stuff here!

[270person]

Originally Posted by Dean2

I don't think I am perfect either, nor do I think those that went before Trump were perfect. The big difference is, Trump's foibles are endlessly covered by his enemies in the media and further exacerbated by many of his actions on Twitter. That said, if it wasn't for his Twitter posts his message would have been buried by the media. One thing about Trump, he doesn't take poop from anyone.



When it was Trump vs Clinton, to me there was no doubt Trump was the better choice, with Biden as the other option then Trump for sure is the better choice. I don't think Biden has all his faculties and even if he did, his policies and positions are wacked. With respect to Trump dividing the country, I don't subscribe to that, I put the current division squarely on Obama's shoulders. Race relations at the end of his Presidency were the worst they have ever been and the divide between the Blue Collar and White Collar was even worse. I don't believe the appeasement politics of the Democrats will result in better relations. Just take a look at the rioting and lawlessness in Democrat run cities and States. That doesn't exist to near the same extent in the Republican areas.


Now, back to regular programming, I was hoping to see a few more Trump jokes.

Not buying the Obama line Dean. If he divided that country it was for one simple reason....and it had nothing to do with anything he DID. More about what he IS and what a lot of them ARE.

[270person]

Originally Posted by Redhorse Ranch

I agree with James Woods; "Let's face it. Donald Trump is a rough individual. He is vain, insensitive and raw. But he loves America more than any President in my lifetime. He is the last firewall between us and this cesspool called Washington. I'll take him any day over any of these bums."

The media hates him because he isn't a career politician, and therefore cannot be bought or coerced. What his enemies in the Deep State have done is far worse than anything that took down the Nixon presidency, and they walk freely among us.

I'd say the divisiveness comes from the left.

I'd say you're incorrect. Easy game to play.

James Woods the actor??

[EZM]

Originally Posted by Redhorse Ranch

I agree with James Woods; "Let's face it. Donald Trump is a rough individual. He is vain, insensitive and raw. But he loves America more than any President in my lifetime. He is the last firewall between us and this cesspool called Washington. I'll take him any day over any of these bums."

The media hates him because he isn't a career politician, and therefore cannot be bought or coerced. What his enemies in the Deep State have done is far worse than anything that took down the Nixon presidency, and they walk freely among us.

I'd say the divisiveness comes from the left.

Revised it ......… should read ………. "Let's face it. Donald Trump is a rough individual. He is vain, insensitive and raw. But he loves HIMSELF more than any President in my lifetime"

Donald is no patriot - I don't buy that BS for one minute everything and anything he does is for him. Not America.

[EZM]

America has always had some level of divisiveness - and many parties are to blame HOWEVER what we see today is at a altogether different level ......I would say …. there has never been a "more effective" agitator, catalyst, or instigator that drives the wedge of divisiveness in the history of the US as Donald Trump.