Give us your best!

[Little red riding hood]

3 preachers are talking one day about how difficult it is to get members to join their congregation, so they come up with a plan to see which one is the best evangelist, the test is to see who can convert a bear! So the Catholic goes first, 2 days later he's back with one arm in a sling and some scratches on his face, so the other 2 ask him "what happened?" So he says "well, I found a bear and i wrestled him down and sprinkled him and he's confirmed, he's joining our congregation." So next, the Baptist goes out, a few days later he's back, he's in a wheelchair and has one ear hanging by a little flap of skin! So the other 2 ask him "What happened?" He says "well I found a bear, and just my luck, he was way up on top of a hill! So I had to wrestle him all the way down the hill to get him in the river before I could baptize him and we spent the rest of the afternoon singing amazing Grace and having fellowship!" So the Jew goes out, and a week later he's in the hospital getting blood transfusion and surgery to save his life! When he gets out of surgery, the other 2 ask him what happened? He says "well, I believe I have learned a lot from this experience, and if I were ever to try anything like this again, I don't think I'd start with circumcision!"

[Red Bullets]

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests.What is your first request?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse again. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow. "What is your last request?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse....alone." The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says...
"Listen very carefully you dumb horse. For the last time . . . BRING POSSE ! "

[Xbolt7mm]

Soooo, this baby seal walks into a club,,,,,,,

[CBintheNorth]

OK, ok, ok...a skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop...