What responsibilities do your teens have in the home?

[270person]

Originally Posted by chuck

That’s what everyone tells themselves. I’m sitting in a restaurant right now next to an entire teenage baseball team. What a bunch of rude foul mouthed human beings. I’d be embarrassed to be a parent of any of them.

So none of the rude, foul mouthed human beings belong to you? You just crashed the table?
There's no excuses for rude and foul mouthed but they arent out getting wasted and into trouble either.

There are a lot of fathers that would be thankful to have that crowd of kids around them. Some teenagers don't have friends. Some teenagers won't be seen in the company of their parents. Some teenagers are sitting in their basements getting more morose by the day and playing Xbox.

Just another way to look at things possibly.

[masalma]

For some reason everytime I ask for something to be done homework magically appears or they get a headache.

Solution. I use Google wifi, can pause internet on individual devices without having to shut down the whole network or change passwords.

Dont ask me for anything until chores are done.

One thing I noticed lately is that when I ask for help with something, I get about a hundred questions about it until I get frustrated and do it myself. I think that is done on purpose.

[260 Rem]

Teen girls/messy room: This worked with one of our foster girls...room was left messy ... clothes not put away ...bed not made. Gave up harping after a couple of weeks and after she left for the school bus we made her bed, tossed cloths in the laundry basket, lined up her “stuff” on the dresser. Her reaction was predictable...as she expressed this was an invasion of her privacy. I explained that since it was our house, we had expectations regarding “cleanliness” and would continue to clean up after her as long as it was necessary.
In spite of weekend relapses, her room was cleaned up every school day. Guess she really did value her privacy, or perhaps she didn’t like us messing with her stuff

[Pathfinder76]

Originally Posted by Trochu

Are you assuming they are that way because they play sports? I bet most of them watch TV, have a cell phone, go to school, eat at restaurants, etc., you can't be sure until you eliminate all the variables. You'd also need to do a post and pre assessment, if you do narrow it down to sports, maybe they were much worse humans prior to joining the organization.

So sports obviously isn’t the answer to a better society and properly raised kids?

[Pathfinder76]

Originally Posted by 270person

So none of the rude, foul mouthed human beings belong to you? You just crashed the table?
There's no excuses for rude and foul mouthed but they arent out getting wasted and into trouble either.

There are a lot of fathers that would be thankful to have that crowd of kids around them. Some teenagers don't have friends. Some teenagers won't be seen in the company of their parents. Some teenagers are sitting in their basements getting more morose by the day and playing Xbox.

Just another way to look at things possibly.

I was sitting at a table with my wife in their vicinity.

This behaviour is not atypical. At all. Like I said, I played organized sports. Let’s face it. Many of these “jocks” are the farthest thing from admirable human beings. Some never grow out of it. At my 20 year high school reunion one of them, realizing what a garbage human being he really had been, spent the entire night going around apologizing for his behaviour 20 years ago. Very admirable. But I didn’t see anyone that took their schooling seriously, worked part time jobs after school, or helped on the farm that would have needed to do the same.

[Talking moose]

Originally Posted by chuck

I was sitting at a table with my wife in their vicinity.

This behaviour is not atypical. At all. Like I said, I played organized sports. Let’s face it. Many of these “jocks” are the farthest thing from admirable human beings. Some never grow out of it. At my 20 year high school reunion one of them, realizing what a garbage human being he really had been, spent the entire night going around apologizing for his behaviour 20 years ago. Very admirable. But I didn’t see anyone that took their schooling seriously, worked part time jobs after school, or helped on the farm that would have needed to do the same.

95% of the people this forum makes fun of for driving jacked up deisels, white oakleys, and tap out shirts were on the football team.... lol.

[brslk]

Originally Posted by Talking moose

95% of the people this forum makes fun of for driving jacked up deisels, white oakleys, and tap out shirts were on the football team.... lol.

Bwahahahahaha too true

[Whipper Billy]

Originally Posted by 260 Rem

..... we made her bed, tossed cloths in the laundry basket, lined up her “stuff” on the dresser. she expressed this was an invasion of her privacy.
Guess she really did value her privacy, or perhaps she didn’t like us messing with her stuff

This is also my suggestion. If it doesn't correct the problem you're no worse off than today.

A couple of warnings & then clean it up, including a free re-organizing that makes it challenging to find their stuff.

I know I didn't want to risk having my Hefner joke collection discovered!

[Gade81]

Interesting back and forth here really. Have 16, 13, and 11 y/o daughters. All quite different. I remember having conversations with my wife years ago as she was frustrated getting them to do anything. I came from a family of 13 kids, and on the farm. We worked, a lot. My wife always thought I and siblings somehow got short changed on life because that’s almost all we did. But I think not.
So when time to get our own kids to do stuff I was obviously of the old school mindset, and her less so lol. Needless to say my wife is discovering that a lot of my ideas weren’t that stupid after all. Instill some respect, and some if you don’t do it, you don’t get sh1t mentality when they young, and they’ll remember. Youngest is an ongoing battle haha. Oldest 2 will actually now do stuff of their own volition. I’m still amazed some days.

As to organized sports, I didn’t get there as a kid, and I always pined for it. So no personal experience but I see enough folks doing it, and it seems it’s all they do and I’m happy not to put my kids into it. Rec soccer and such is fine, but the people I see it’s become their life and that’s not what I want for me or my kids. Sports of themselves are great, but for too many busy people it’s become their daycare/bbs service

Either way SNS, you ain’t alone. My kids are far from perfect as well, but when it comes to their chores, they don’t have to question what needs doing, and they finally generally do it without bitching. I like to think I had a hand in it, but at the end of the day, my wife is the one driving the bus as I’m not home all the time with them. I think some up front PITA to let em know what’s up goes a long way. And they still young enough to learn.


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[Gade81]

I should add, my middle child who’s the most responsible of the crew with her animals and such, is the slobbiest in her room lol. Can’t win em all.


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[270person]

Originally Posted by Talking moose

95% of the people this forum makes fun of for driving jacked up deisels, white oakleys, and tap out shirts were on the football team.... lol.

Doubtful. More than possible that they come from some ****heel town, made it all the way to grade 11, then hit the oilfields for big money aka the Alberta dream.

Sports doesn't turn good kids into asshats. Not being good enough to play them at a higher level might contribute to a bitter attitude towards them however. If anything it teaches them how to get along with others and the concept of team play. An attribute sorely lacking in the originator of this part of the discussion.

If you need proof of that you aren't spending enough time on some of the more popular shooting forums out there moose.

[Jamie]

SNS2 Your wife is smart. Pick your hill to die on. Smart lady.

Sounds like you have 2 fantastic kids. What more could you want? Relax on the rooms. Shut the door.

Dog train shouldn't be a chore, more of a treat. Perhaps it's not his thing?

But my best advice and you already know this. find out what his interest is and go do that with him. Even if it's not your interest. Always plenty of time for the work but so little time for our kids as they seem to leave so quick.

My daughter is at University in Vic and works in Haida Gwaii all summer. I would rather spend the day in some BS liberal arts museum than worry about the state of her bedroom.

I see Willy slipping away as well. So busy with work and sports and school. His grad is on Wednesday and another chapter is drawing to a close.

It really leaves me sad thinking how life is changing. Very proud of both of them and excited to see the different directions but still sad when the house is so silent.

As for the Anti sports guys here. I am interested in knowing if you have kids? It was nothing but a bonus to me and a bonus to my kids. Was it life changing probably not but they both learned social skills, and knew what a commitment was. They learned to have different coaches and learn in different ways. Willy really seemed to excel at the leadership end of things and I don't know how else he would have achieved all that. My kids were never forced to play a thing but once they signed up, they were hardcore for the season.I believe it to be very important but your millage may vary if you have already been through the mill. I am happy with where mine are at, at this point. I loved being a dad and all that it came with. BTW.. I was the harsh one with my Kids. my wife was the easy one. It worked for us.

Go enjoy them SNS.. A made bed or a dirty room will not effect how they grow in life. Each kid is different and you 2 know them best.

Chuck.. Your sitting beside a bunch of obnoxious teenage boys in a restaurant... Guess they should be out hanging out behind the 7/11 smoking crack or perhaps breaking into cars? Better yet how about "tagginG" the local concrete walls. Nahhh. Tell em to pipe down, buy them a round of Pops and ask them about the season. Complaining like a little old woman on a internet forum will do nothing. Step up and show them how a Man deals with things.

[ram crazy]

Originally Posted by chuck

Organized Sports are the most overrated activity in the civilized world. Bar none. And I played High School sports. What a waste of time. Just imagine if the time spent on them was used for pursuing higher learning, developing a skill, working, serving the less fortunate, or even cleaning up your room.

Bullshat! Team sports teach kids so many things, such as team work, responsibility for pulling your weight, respect are just a few things it teaches a kid. It also tends to keep them away from the wrong crowd and out of trouble like the drugs. Both my kids play hockey and yea it’s a huge commitment, but a small price to pay to teach kids. Plus it also keeps me out of trouble!

[Phil McCracken]

I have 2 grown up kids (33 and 39). Both are now parents and doing quite well.

During the teenager years, I experienced what many have posted. We learned, as parents, to love them, when required, be stern, and never give in to their antics, as they have a knack to take advantage of that.

Way back, my son got grounded for doing something stupid. In those years, TV was important to him. It was the last day and he went to his mother to have her talk to me. There was some kind of special on TV, and he wanted to watch it. My wife came to me and I said NO...She expected I would say yes...but did not argue about it.

There has been other similar stories until they eventually left the nest.

My attitude towards them was simple...My wife and I are the Alpha dogs...not you guys. They eventually got the hint.

When we all meet today, we often talk about these events, and have good laughs about it. The love and respect has always lasted.

OP...Sounds like you have decent kids. The issues you have are typical. In regards to your daughter's messy room...store a pile of your own stuff in her room. She may get the hint real quick. LOL

Good luck and I am sure things will resolve themselves as you and your wife appear to be strong parents. Watch out though, as they will always try and "test" you...lol

[JBE]

I remember a billboard sign years ago that was on Barlow trail in Calgary. It said
Hire a Teenager While They Still Know Everything lol

[Pathfinder76]

Originally Posted by ram crazy

Bullshat! Team sports teach kids so many things, such as team work, responsibility for pulling your weight, respect are just a few things it teaches a kid. It also tends to keep them away from the wrong crowd and out of trouble like the drugs. Both my kids play hockey and yea it’s a huge commitment, but a small price to pay to teach kids. Plus it also keeps me out of trouble!

If parents don’t do their jobs then yes, there is some hope that someone else (the coach) can help raise them.

My parents taught me responsibility by having me work along side them. They also taught me to pull my own weight through example and responsibilities. They taught me the importance of integrity. They taught me to be god fearing and respectful. They never drank alcohol, smoked, did drugs and expected me to do the same. It worked. They took me to church on Sundays, they did what they said they would do. They taught me to pray. My dad taught me that his spouse, my mother, was his first priority followed by his kids. We ate 95% of our evening meals together.

My wife’s parents raised her the same way. 21 years later I know I made a good decision there.


If you want your kids in sports that’s fine. But it should never teach them life skills that good parents should have already done.

[Pathfinder76]

While friends and family are playing baseball and spring league we did this. So instead of yelling from a crowd in the stands I try and participate one on one. Both can be positive. But I don’t wish he chose spring league.

[58thecat]

Kids all played high end competitive sports, excelled in school too but we were a team in which we shared all the chores regarding the house and yard work....team and they fully understood the meaning.....

Want is something we all do and have a desire for but that came with working, setting money aside, buying first car, insuring etc....we explained it from our end as parents as all we have came by getting up, working, not living outside our means....honest explanations to them paid off...listening, understanding and then explaining....no excuses.....

Lots of great hunting, fishing, camping trips just being outdoors together too

A lot of parents say they are dealt a bad hand but honestly you get what you put into things for the most part and things work out on the positive side....just gotta work at it.

[FishingMOM]

As you may recall a little boy named stinky...well hes a full blown teenager now.
He's helping to teach swimming lessons a few days a week, earning his way towards his instructor license.
He still competes in lifeguard competitions.
So he is training a few days a week too in the pool and gym.

At home he has chores.
Dishes - load and unload dishwasher
Vacuum
Laundry- wash and dry. Mom will fold.
Put your laundry away
Clean your bathroom
Wash floors
Pick up your dogs mess
Feed water your dog
Walk your dog 3x a day (2x on training days -mom will cover the other)

Failure to comply will result in consequences:
****taking the power supply cord to the computer......my personal favourite. Or mom not paying for competition stuff.
Compliance is 90%

[58thecat]

Originally Posted by chuck

Organized Sports are the most overrated activity in the civilized world. Bar none. And I played High School sports. What a waste of time. Just imagine if the time spent on them was used for pursuing higher learning, developing a skill, working, serving the less fortunate, or even cleaning up your room.

Wow....most who play sports or are active physically and mentally are above average and achieve more in education, work etc....idle body...idle mind......lazy overall and then later in life have issues health wise due to being lazy etc

[Pathfinder76]

Originally Posted by 58thecat

Wow....most who play sports or are active physically and mentally are above average and achieve more in education, work etc....idle body...idle mind......lazy overall and then later in life have issues health wise due to being lazy etc

“Or are active physically and mentally”.

Do you have a statistic that shows participation in organized sports produces more education? College sports would be a great baseline here.

[ram crazy]

Originally Posted by chuck

If parents don’t do their jobs then yes, there is some hope that someone else (the coach) can help raise them.

My parents taught me responsibility by having me work along side them. They also taught me to pull my own weight through example and responsibilities. They taught me the importance of integrity. They taught me to be god fearing and respectful. They never drank alcohol, smoked, did drugs and expected me to do the same. It worked. They took me to church on Sundays, they did what they said they would do. They taught me to pray. My dad taught me that his spouse, my mother, was his first priority followed by his kids. We ate 95% of our evening meals together.

My wife’s parents raised her the same way. 21 years later I know I made a good decision there.


If you want your kids in sports that’s fine. But it should never teach them life skills that good parents should have already done.

I’m the coach, and I get great satisfaction out of teaching kids. The first and foremost thing they learn is to have fun and respect themselves and others.

[ram crazy]

Originally Posted by chuck

While friends and family are playing baseball and spring league we did this. So instead of yelling from a crowd in the stands I try and participate one on one. Both can be positive. But I don’t wish he chose spring league.

So you spend all your time one on one with one kid!

[Pathfinder76]

Originally Posted by ram crazy

So you spend all your time one on one with one kid!

You don’t spend any one on one time with your kids?

[ram crazy]

Originally Posted by chuck

You don’t spend any one on one time with your kids?

Well only showed a couple pics with just one kid. No pics of one on one with the other kids?

[270person]

Originally Posted by chuck

While friends and family are playing baseball and spring league we did this. So instead of yelling from a crowd in the stands I try and participate one on one. Both can be positive. But I don’t wish he chose spring league

It's actually possible to sit in the stands and not yell. Amazing.

Really tho you just come across as "whatever my parents did, I and my kid do is the best" and we all know thats not the case.

Which parent taught the arrogance and difficulty getting along with others in group scenarios?

Here's a thought. You can be the best parent in the world and your kid can turn out to be a waste of skin. Conversely some who aren't fit to be parents end up with great kids. You likely, and mistakenly assume that most kids with issues as teens or that decide suicide is the best option became that way due to their upbringing. If thats the case you live in a very uninformed world.

Short story: in most cases parents try to teach their kids right from wrong and a decent moral compass but in the end we can only guide them towards the right path. Lots of circumstances can derail that.

[Weedy1]

Originally Posted by chuck

If you want your kids in sports that’s fine. But it should never teach them life skills that good parents should have already done.

You really think this? How about children that have very poor parents that cannot teach proper life skills, morals, values and manners? Would it be wrong for a coach, who the child may look up to as a mentor, to teach some of these skills?

[Pathfinder76]

Originally Posted by Weedy1

You really think this? How about children that have very poor parents that cannot teach proper life skills, morals, values and manners? Would it be wrong for a coach, who the child may look up to as a mentor, to teach some of these skills?

Yes I do think that. I’m not raising my kids based on someone else’s poor choices.

[270person]

Originally Posted by chuck

You don’t spend any one on one time with your kids?

There should be balance. Time with parents. Time with friends. Kids who only spend time with parent/parents are often the ones with issues later.

[Weedy1]

Originally Posted by Weedy1

You really think this? How about children that have very poor parents that cannot teach proper life skills, morals, values and manners? Would it be wrong for a coach, who the child may look up to as a mentor, to teach some of these skills?

Originally Posted by chuck

Yes I do think that. I’m not raising my kids based on someone else’s poor choices.

You answered half my question..

You said your parents took you to church on Sundays. What lessons did you learn there? Is being taught a life lesson in a church different from being taught the same lesson on a skating rink or soccer field? There are good and bad people in all places on earth, a lot of people would consider being sent to a church to learn a lesson a poor choice in today's world. Just sayin...for sake of conversational balance. Interesting thread.