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01-23-2020, 09:27 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: NW Calgary
Posts: 2,785
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DiabeticKripple
I can’t read and listen at the same time. If I’m reading posts on here and she’s talking, all I hear is background noise.
Then she gets mad that I never listen to her. Maybe she should get my attention first!
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lol I feel you on this one. I told you this weeks ago!
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01-23-2020, 09:45 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 930
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wife
I can't wait to stay in this weekend and relax.
weekend rolls around
All we ever do is stay in!!!
I call it her using the double sided coin!!!
The funbuster she is!!!
Love the gas stories and I mean fuel and farts!!!! She is guilty of the first one and me the second!!!
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01-23-2020, 10:11 AM
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Canmore
Posts: 4,752
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Whenever she leaves the house, she gives me a quick kiss on the cheek, looks me square in the eyes, and say's " Now don't do anything stupid" - before exiting.
Not that *that's* ever stopped me.
__________________
The world is changed by your action, not by your opinion.
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01-23-2020, 10:13 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Alberta
Posts: 24,071
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Great thread.
This one is gonna be a classic
__________________
Only dead fish go with the flow. The rest use their brains in life.
Originally Posted by Twisted Canuck
I wasn't thinking far enough ahead for an outcome, I was ranting. By definition, a rant doesn't imply much forethought..... 
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01-23-2020, 11:47 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Westerose
Posts: 4,059
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My wife won't ask me to do something, instead she says "How would you like to ...?" Apparently "I wouldn't like to." is the wrong answer 
ARG
__________________
In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre, 'Au revoir, gopher'.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sjemac
It has been scientifically proven that a 308 round will not leave your property -- they essentially fall dead at the fence line. But a 38 round, when fired from a handgun, will of its own accord leave your property and destroy any small schools nearby.
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01-23-2020, 12:52 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: AlbertaSask
Posts: 4,180
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“Well you could take your cereal box of stuff and just leave”..
Zip
__________________
"Never be ashamed of scars it just simply means that you were stronger than what tried to hurt you"
"Good judgement comes from experience, and experience...well,That comes from poor Judgement"
"KEEP SMILING"
Zip
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01-23-2020, 12:56 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Alberta
Posts: 24,071
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zip
“Well you could take your cereal box of stuff and just leave”..
Zip |
Oooooohhh!!!
You best watch your p's and q's buddy 
__________________
Only dead fish go with the flow. The rest use their brains in life.
Originally Posted by Twisted Canuck
I wasn't thinking far enough ahead for an outcome, I was ranting. By definition, a rant doesn't imply much forethought.....
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01-23-2020, 01:07 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 1,223
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Wife: "I have such a headache tonight."
Me: "What a coincidence, I just sprinkled my twig and berries with Asprin. Do you want it orally or as a suppository?"
Just kidding, I'd like live long enough to at least collect my first pension cheque.
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01-23-2020, 01:57 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Airdrie
Posts: 1,490
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Wife
“let’s put it on the credit card, that way we don’t have to pay for it”
Ex wife
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01-23-2020, 02:12 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 209
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Wife:
My girlfriends all say that it is my fault because I am the one who married you.
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01-23-2020, 02:43 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Alberta
Posts: 24,071
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaberTosser
“That’s just Pat”
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Chris
Bobbie
Sam
Taylor
Mel
__________________
Only dead fish go with the flow. The rest use their brains in life.
Originally Posted by Twisted Canuck
I wasn't thinking far enough ahead for an outcome, I was ranting. By definition, a rant doesn't imply much forethought.....
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01-24-2020, 07:56 AM
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Sherwood Park
Posts: 374
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You weren't supposed to be home until tomorrow!
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01-24-2020, 08:15 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 3,411
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Her: Have you been told yet today?
Me: Nope, not yet. Obviously one of us is slacking off.
__________________
“One of the sad signs of our times is that we have demonized those who produce, subsidized those who refuse to produce, and canonized those who complain.” - Thomas Sowell
“We seem to be getting closer and closer to a situation where nobody is responsible for what they did but we are all responsible for what somebody else did.”- Thomas Sowell
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01-24-2020, 09:04 AM
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calgary
Posts: 452
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Not mine but the wife of a friend:
"You can quit working but I'll keep spending."
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01-24-2020, 09:11 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Forgotten corner Ab.
Posts: 566
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Ifin I go out with the dog,hunting, fishing or BP shooting..
Bring back my dog alive and well......
__________________
Jesus said "Go and fish"
He didn't say anything about cleaning the garage and cutting the grass....
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01-24-2020, 09:19 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Lacombe, AB
Posts: 1,404
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Mine does the "where should we eat" thing.
Mine also hates phoning mechanics, dentists, optometrists or anything like that. Her car was in the shop this week and she wanted an update on when it would be finished, so she phones me at work in the middle of something super important and asks me to phone the shop for an update on HER car.
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01-24-2020, 06:14 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Deadmonton
Posts: 1,342
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Back in the day "You're outta town working and having fun while I'm stuck at home looking after the kids"
"I cooked supper"...after inevitably arriving home with some sort of take-out or throwing a frozen lasagne in the oven
"Well, if you're not going to fix it I'll just hire someone"...fell for that one a few times
"Maybe..." giving yourself a way out eh
Hears me going to the bathroom "Put the seat down before you flush...wash your hands!"
I have come to the conclusion that all wives are the same, they just have different faces so we can tell them apart...
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01-24-2020, 07:52 PM
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Banned
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: YEG
Posts: 9,981
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerald J
You weren't supposed to be home until tomorrow!
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01-24-2020, 07:55 PM
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Banned
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: YEG
Posts: 9,981
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Note left on fridge..Honey I put the dinner in the oven and turned on the GAS, just light the flame when you get home
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01-25-2020, 12:21 AM
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calgary
Posts: 11,576
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Definition of a rhetorical question:
“Was that you?”
Why yes. Yes it was. 
Tree
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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01-25-2020, 12:51 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: GP AB
Posts: 16,229
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RandyBoBandy
Note left on fridge..Honey I put the dinner in the oven and turned on the GAS, just light the flame when you get home |
And that right there says 'I love you' like nothing else can..... 
Your wife is a real smart cookie.
__________________
'Once the monkeys learn they can vote themselves a banana, they'll never climb another tree.'. Robert Heinlein
'You can accomplish a lot more with a kind word and a gun, than with a kind word alone.' Al Capone
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01-25-2020, 05:41 AM
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: SJ, NB
Posts: 410
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TreeGuy
“Who’s texting you NOW??” 
Tree |
My wife sometimes asks me what I'm thinking about. I usually reply "Diane", who is an old girlfriend from high school.
That stops the conversation every time.
__________________
"The majority is never right."
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01-25-2020, 05:42 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 976
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“Your not going to wear that, are you ??
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01-25-2020, 06:59 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Black Dually
Posts: 259
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She was re-hashing something we had already talked about, while we are both doing chores around the house. I go downstairs with a load of laundry, and when I come back up she is still talking- until she notices me on the stairs.
*pause*
"Sorry sweetie you trailed off there, what were you saying?"
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01-25-2020, 08:39 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Calgary
Posts: 72
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yes, you should buy that gun.
2 weeks later
Why did you buy that gun, you should have asked me fire, how much does it cost?, we cant afford that, you have too many already, what will the neighbours think,....
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01-25-2020, 10:32 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Alberta
Posts: 24,071
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Quote:
Originally Posted by landowner
“Your not going to wear that, are you ??
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But you CAN NOT say that to her, no matter how hideous the bat winged poofy half camo filk (fake silk) blouse is....
amhik
__________________
Only dead fish go with the flow. The rest use their brains in life.
Originally Posted by Twisted Canuck
I wasn't thinking far enough ahead for an outcome, I was ranting. By definition, a rant doesn't imply much forethought.....
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01-25-2020, 11:10 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: East Kootenays, BC
Posts: 1,168
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Just say "nice dress" and wait for the response... I would bet a kidney it will be "What's wrong with it?"
Then she will go change.
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02-27-2020, 12:38 PM
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: SJ, NB
Posts: 410
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My wife got some new shoes a couple weeks ago ..... She asked me if I liked them.
I replied ..... "They make your feet look smaller and that's never a bad thing."
__________________
"The majority is never right."
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02-27-2020, 01:11 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 209
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"You never told me you were going....."
Now I send an email so I have proof.
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02-27-2020, 04:03 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Alberta for the most part
Posts: 2,811
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Mine says to me, can you do this for me, I say no its you that has to do that, she says, no thats your job
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