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12-09-2019, 08:20 PM
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Banned
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: YEG
Posts: 9,981
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dean2
Today's chuckle
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12-10-2019, 02:15 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 941
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Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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12-17-2019, 01:22 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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12-17-2019, 10:59 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 91
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I accidentally shot a Golden Eagle while out Duck shooting and ended up in court. The judge said.."this is very serious crime, do you have anything to say in your defence?" "Yes your Honour, it was very misty and the light was fading and, once I realised the horror of what I'd done, I remembered what my late father said. 'If you kill an animal you must respect its spirit and eat every part of it' so I took it home and fed my family for a day" " That's very moving young man and, under the circumstances, I'm prepared to admonish you but..just before you step down..I'm curious, what did it taste like?" "Hard to say, Your Honour, kind of like a cross between a Bald Eagle, an Owl and a Peregrine"
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12-18-2019, 05:32 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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12-18-2019, 07:34 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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I was standing at the bar in Terminal 3 at the International Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer.
I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?"
He says, "No I don't. And why the heck would you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?"
"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little s**t!"
__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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12-18-2019, 07:39 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 53
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A guy that farts in church sits in his own pew.
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12-18-2019, 10:56 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: THE LAST SERENGITI
Posts: 237
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Well why did the chicken cross the road ?
because he could hahaha
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12-19-2019, 07:45 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Camrose
Posts: 45,141
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__________________
Only accurate guns are interesting.
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12-19-2019, 09:16 AM
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Join Date: May 2017
Location: Rocky Mtn House,AB
Posts: 2,212
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If you are ever mobbed by clowns, make sure you go after the juggler... 
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12-19-2019, 05:19 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Camrose
Posts: 45,141
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__________________
Only accurate guns are interesting.
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12-19-2019, 06:44 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 941
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Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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12-19-2019, 09:51 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ^v^Tinda wolf^v^
I just heard the Trans Mountain was supposed to begin before Christmas
That’s the Joke.....
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Should have called it the Trans Gender Pipeline and would have been done
by Christmas :thinking-006
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12-23-2019, 09:14 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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12-23-2019, 09:21 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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some things a dog shouldn't see....
__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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12-23-2019, 10:33 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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.
__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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12-23-2019, 10:36 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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..
__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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12-24-2019, 07:39 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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The Ukrainian president's opening of his speech to the world leaders....
https://www.facebook.com/UpcloseWith...DA2MDk2NzY4MA/
__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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12-24-2019, 07:57 PM
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,235
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I'M ABSOLUTELY FUMING, CAN ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?
WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER. AN ELDERLY WOMAN. SHE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN iPHONE 10X IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS.
I AM EXTREMELY ANNOYED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN iPHONE 5S AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT BECAUSE THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON 😂
Have a great Christmas everyone 👍👍👍
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12-24-2019, 10:47 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 941
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tool
i'm absolutely fuming, can admins of this group do a better job of monitoring who is allowed in here please?
We have a new member. An elderly woman. She's been privately messaging members, sending them naked pictures of herself in nasty poses along with close ups of her unmentionables. She is offering an iphone 10x in exchange for sexual favours.
I am extremely annoyed because it turned out to be an iphone 5s and obviously something's wrong with it because the caps lock is stuck on 😂
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Lol love it.
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12-25-2019, 08:35 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: On the border in Lloydminster
Posts: 8,365
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Merry Christmas
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12-25-2019, 10:28 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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When my son was young he drew me this horse. I always thought he was kidding.
__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
___________________________________________
It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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01-01-2020, 07:15 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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My wife and I went to the auction mart at Tralee the other week and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, 'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'.
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ......smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'.
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week ! ...........You could learn a lot from him.'
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, 'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'.
'My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if every time was with the same old cow.'
My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.
__________________
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
___________________________________________
It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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01-01-2020, 07:41 PM
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Banned
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: YEG
Posts: 9,981
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The 58 year old woman went to her doctor and asked for a prescription for birth control pills.
"But you don't need them at your age," her GP said.
But the patient went on to explain that she had tried some recently and realized that she couldn't sleep well without them.
"But birth control pills have no tranquilizing agent in them" the Doctor informed her.
"Well, I don't know what they have or what they don't have in them, but I give them to my daughter before she goes out each night, and i'm telling you Doc, that I sleep much, much better."
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01-01-2020, 07:41 PM
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Banned
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: YEG
Posts: 9,981
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The lady teacher asks her pupils what kind of medicines they know of,
and what they are used for:
The first pupil said: Panadol?
Very good! And what is it used for?
It is used for a headache.
The second pupil said: Piriton.
Excellent. And what it is used for?
To help you sleep.
Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: Viagra.
So, Johnny, What is it used for?
I think it can be used to stop diarrhea.
Who told you this?
Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father
'Take a Viagra, maybe that little **** will get harder'.
The teacher had to leave the room!
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01-01-2020, 07:42 PM
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Banned
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: YEG
Posts: 9,981
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Why Men Should NEVER fear being replaced by artificial devices....
As the evening wore on, and with a few drinks under her belt, the very attractive and well endowed amazon in the tavern was expounding at length on the Women's Liberation Movement and about how she could get along sexually very nicely without any male involvement.
After he had listened for quite some time to her harangue, the quiet sipper a few bar stools away suddenly interrupted.
"OK, Miss Smartass" he rumbled, and as he gathered up his courage said, "If your vibrator can do anything a man can do, let's see it pay for the next round of drinks!"
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01-27-2020, 02:23 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 3,082
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An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido.
'What about trying Viagra?' asks the doctor.
'Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin".
'Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."
It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"
"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it into his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and napkins flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, took me passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good"?
'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But as sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!" 
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01-27-2020, 06:53 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 8,497
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What goes with the Coronavirus?
Lyme Disease
__________________
You're only as good as your last haircut
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01-27-2020, 06:55 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 8,497
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The last thing my grandfather said before he died was “It’s worth it to spend money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.
__________________
You're only as good as your last haircut
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02-06-2020, 06:41 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 8,497
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Joke
Corona Climate
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You're only as good as your last haircut
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