Dying ... To Decide

260 Rem · #1 03-01-2016, 12:03 AM

Thought it would be timely to say some thing on behalf of my brother as have increasing become his voice. Here is what he wants to share.
"I was diagnosed with progressive- remitting MS in my mid twenties and was fortunate to work installs/repairs for AGT/Telus for close to thirty years before going on medical leave. I married, had two children, bought a house and got to enjoy fishing, hunting. After going on disability, my marriage unraveled, resulting in divorce. As the disability progressed, I lost my drivers license and was fortunate to have a brother that stepped up to help shop for groceries and help with running my affairs which became increasingly more of a challenge. Then, at age 56 I had a flare that interfered with my motor functions so much that I could not walk or toilet myself...so I was forced to move away from my friends in Leduc to live in a Nursing Home in South Edmonton,
It seems like my whole world started to crumble. Confined to a wheelchair, and unable to toilet myself, I had to learn to pee and poop in my diaper until staff could get around to clean me up. As staffing levels were reduced in the evenings, they started to put me to bed at 7:00pm where I would have to stay until they got around to me again about 0830 the next morning. Fortunately, my brother intervened and I was able to stay up past 7:00 pm and watch TV. After about six months, I got a motorized chair so got a bit of independence back, but within a year I stopped leaving my room much because I was having a tough time remembering how to get back ... which was both embarrassing and scary. Then, I started having a lot of back pain due to degenerated discs in my spine ... and although sitting up in the chair all day was getting increasingly painfull, it was better than having to stay in bed all day. When my motor skills took another hit, they took my driving privlrdge away so I had to get a Broda Chair which I can not move. A year ago I caught pneumonia and things took another turn for the worse as my swallowing was affected which resulted in being allowed only purée food. I used to be just over six feet and weigh 200 lbs, I now weigh less than 115. Over the past two years I have lost most of the controlled use of my hands so can not eat, drink, or even turn on the TV by myself. I guess my nervous system is shorting out because I now have uncontrolled spasms that cause great pain. All my front teeth have broken off.
My vocal chords don't work very good so it is difficult for me to talk. Fortunately, my brother understands me. We've been watching TV lately, and I am interested to know what is going to happen with the right to die stuff. Today, I was in severe pain all day...maybe I will get some sleep tonight, but if the intensity of pain remains high ... probably not. I wish my kids would visit sometimes.

rosh · #2 03-01-2016, 12:40 AM

Very sad!! Makes me sick how so people leave loved ones when times get hard! Not sure what to say to all that as it brings tears, but I hope for some comfort for you. And you have one kick ass brother helping out as much as possible! We hope for the absolute best for both of you. My mother in law has had ms since her late teens early twenties. Been in a wheelchair for about 25 yrs now, remarkable women. Never complains or bitches at all. All the best to your family from mine

skidderman · #3 03-01-2016, 02:13 AM

You certainly write well. I hope and pray the right decisions are made. I'm sure it is very hard. May God be with you!!!

Bushrat · #4 03-01-2016, 07:59 AM

Back in High school in the 70's my girlfriends mom had MS. They didn't know as much about it then as now. The symptoms were allowed to advance faster and prevention of death wasn't as escalated as today. From when she went into the hospital it was only a matter of 3 or 4 months until she passed. It was mostly pain medication without treatment to prolong and she died with some semblance of dignity left.

I often think our health care obsesses on keeping people alive for no reason other than they can and that is the politically correct theme of the present medical era. In many cases our health care is far too advanced in prolonging life at the same time destroying the quality of it.

I Pray your brother finds peace.

Lefty-Canuck · #5 03-01-2016, 08:20 AM

That's a tough read Jim, thanks for sharing. Sure makes you really think about what you would want under those circumstances.

LC

Don K · #6 03-01-2016, 08:57 AM

Horrible to hear... My vein has MS and so far he's managing it well but it is a matter of time... All the best wishes and good on your brother for being there when no one else is.

Don

Skybuster · #7 03-01-2016, 09:07 AM

That's a tough one. 260 - good on you for sticking by your brother. Seems that is the one bright spot in his life.

260 Rem · #8 03-01-2016, 09:47 AM

I encourage others to share some personal experience in this thread. Suffering without hope is real and it is incumbent on those of who can ... to advocate for those whose voice is going silent.

fish_e_o · #9 03-01-2016, 09:52 AM

my mother will very soon be in a position where this could be a very real option.

i would like it if she could decide when her time is

Zip-in-Z · #10 03-01-2016, 10:08 AM

Sad story 260 .... my Dad recently passed at 91, we experienced some of the same issues mentioned, all he wanted at the end was a majic pill and to be with his Annie who passed 3 years earlier, unfortunatelly phnominia took him, he no longer has to suffer.

.

mountain man 300 win · #11 03-01-2016, 10:09 AM

Tough read. Hope all the best, and will pray for you!

xxclaro · #12 03-01-2016, 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 260 Rem

Thought it would be timely to say some thing on behalf of my brother as have increasing become his voice. Here is what he wants to share.
"I was diagnosed with progressive- remitting MS in my mid twenties and was fortunate to work installs/repairs for AGT/Telus for close to thirty years before going on medical leave. I married, had two children, bought a house and got to enjoy fishing, hunting. After going on disability, my marriage unraveled, resulting in divorce. As the disability progressed, I lost my drivers license and was fortunate to have a brother that stepped up to help shop for groceries and help with running my affairs which became increasingly more of a challenge. Then, at age 56 I had a flare that interfered with my motor functions so much that I could not walk or toilet myself...so I was forced to move away from my friends in Leduc to live in a Nursing Home in South Edmonton,
It seems like my whole world started to crumble. Confined to a wheelchair, and unable to toilet myself, I had to learn to pee and poop in my diaper until staff could get around to clean me up. As staffing levels were reduced in the evenings, they started to put me to bed at 7:00pm where I would have to stay until they got around to me again about 0830 the next morning. Fortunately, my brother intervened and I was able to stay up past 7:00 pm and watch TV. After about six months, I got a motorized chair so got a bit of independence back, but within a year I stopped leaving my room much because I was having a tough time remembering how to get back ... which was both embarrassing and scary. Then, I started having a lot of back pain due to degenerated discs in my spine ... and although sitting up in the chair all day was getting increasingly painfull, it was better than having to stay in bed all day. When my motor skills took another hit, they took my driving privlrdge away so I had to get a Broda Chair which I can not move. A year ago I caught pneumonia and things took another turn for the worse as my swallowing was affected which resulted in being allowed only purée food. I used to be just over six feet and weigh 200 lbs, I now weigh less than 115. Over the past two years I have lost most of the controlled use of my hands so can not eat, drink, or even turn on the TV by myself. I guess my nervous system is shorting out because I now have uncontrolled spasms that cause great pain. All my front teeth have broken off.
My vocal chords don't work very good so it is difficult for me to talk. Fortunately, my brother understands me. We've been watching TV lately, and I am interested to know what is going to happen with the right to die stuff. Today, I was in severe pain all day...maybe I will get some sleep tonight, but if the intensity of pain remains high ... probably not. I wish my kids would visit sometimes.

Damn that's a tough read...makes a guy feel pretty damned helpless in the face of these diseases. Good on your for taking care of him. My mom has just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and I'm really hoping it's not going to go too badly for her.

CanuckShooter · #13 03-01-2016, 10:40 AM

I'm sorry, but that made tears come to my eyes. Your such a good person to stick with your brother through all that....

bobtodrick · #14 03-01-2016, 10:55 AM

As other have said it's a tough read.
My mother, who is 87 has some has had it pretty rough the last few years and is also wishing the right to die legislation would happen sooner rather than later.
Her husband (my dad) passed 10 years ago and since she has had two hips broken and replaced and her knees are shot. She is in constant pain and going from the living room to the kitchen is a real effort.
As an only child much of her daily needs are up to me...her shopping, errands etc. I married late, so though I am 60 myself I have a 12 and 15 year old boys at home, so there are days when there is just not enough time in the day to get everything done.
But they are family...it's what you do.
On a related issue it's why I sometimes get very frustrated with this (and other forums). All too often people are making mountains out of molehills, and at time getting very ignorant while doing so, when in reality whatever they are worked up about pales in comparison to what some people are going through...yet often have a better attitude than what is seen here.

Okotokian · #15 03-01-2016, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 260 Rem

We've been watching TV lately, and I am interested to know what is going to happen with the right to die stuff. .

I feel for your brother and you, 260. You sound like a great brother.

amosfella · #16 03-01-2016, 11:21 AM

There's a lady in BC who practices what is called LNB. She was trained in that in Germany. She one told me when she was visiting with my dad and I that she had had some good success relieving the pain from MS.

Right to die legislation is a very interesting mess... I mean, we humans seem to be able to put down animals that are suffering. But, in the end, who decided, and where does it stop?? That's the question.

Salmon Slayer Lenny · #17 03-01-2016, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amosfella

Right to die legislation is a very interesting mess... I mean, we humans seem to be able to put down animals that are suffering. But, in the end, who decided, and where does it stop?? That's the question.

True to a point I think. Animal euthanasia is often a thing of convenience and cost avoidance, not always to minimize suffering.

Purple Farmer · #18 03-01-2016, 12:18 PM

Thank you for sharing 260 rem.

ctd · #19 03-01-2016, 12:22 PM

Everyone has struggles. I think the sad part is his kids not visiting him.
Your good man to stand by your brother. My thoughts are with you and your brother.
This post should bring home the importance of family.

creeky · #20 03-02-2016, 10:29 AM

huge respect 260, he's your brother and what more can be said…..

my dad just passed, a strong tough man that had a bad time (prolonged) toward the end, it was tough to hear him wish and ask for it to be over even though we wanted that for him.

sick and suffering terminally ill people are not allowed to die in our health care systems, and it's wrong.

the hospital, doctors and nurses where just amazing, i honestly don't know how they do what they do-day in day out.

Best for you and your brother

Creeky…..

Darkness · #21 03-02-2016, 11:08 AM

Appreciate you sharing your brother's story. Tough thing to go through for anyone, but having people like you must make it a little easier.
I hope that for those wanting it, we are able to accommodate the right to end their suffering. I admire those that fight, but at some point we must give them an alternative that is less painful to fighting until the last breath.

Sooner · #22 03-02-2016, 11:16 AM

You are a great brother 260. I wish your brother well as he deals with his many health issues. He should have the right to decide when enough is enough, he fought the good fight. Take care to the both of you.

newguy · #23 03-02-2016, 11:24 AM

A very tough read... your a great brother 260, i wish you all peace during these difficult times. i had to make the decision to take my brother off life support and it haunts me to this day.