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  #241  
Old 02-18-2018, 04:25 PM
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A young lady was walking in a cemetery to visit the grave of her grandmother. As she walked past a particular grave, she heard the Moonlight Sonata playing backwards. The young lady found that to be quite odd, but continued on her way. About a week later the same lady was again walking to her grandmothers grave and walked past the same grave site. This time she heard Fur Elise, but it was also being played backwards.
The young lady was very perplexed by this, and went to one of the groundskeepers close by, and asked about the grave site. The groundskeeper said "oh ya that is Beetoven's grave. He is decomposing."

BH
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  #242  
Old 02-18-2018, 04:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by catnthehat View Post
This is one of my ALL TIME favorites!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brNX4xqlXJE
Cat
Priceless...hard to starboard or port,Lol.
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  #243  
Old 02-18-2018, 04:44 PM
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A man dies and approaches a very old woman. The old woman smells of mothballs and is knitting socks. The man asked the old woman "Is this Heaven?" The old woman replies "You can stay here with me for eternity, or climb the ladder to success", and pointed to a ladder reaching toward the sky. The man thought for a second and decided that he didn't want to stay there, so climbed the ladder.
As he climbed he came to a trap door and popped through it. There stood a middle aged lady mopping floors. The man walked over to the lady and asked "Is this heaven?". The lady replied "You can stay here with me for eternity, or climb the ladder to success", and pointed to the ladder that continued upward. The man again decided to take his chances and continued to climb.
As he climbed he again popped through a trap door and there in front of him stood a gorgeous blonde making cookies. The man asked the blonde "Is this heaven?" The blonde replied "You can stay here with me for eternity, or you can climb the ladder to success", and again pointed to the ladder that continued upward. The man stood there for a second and thought what unbelievable goddess awaited him and decided to keep climbing.
As he climbed he again popped through a trap door and there in front of him was the biggest, meanest looking man he had ever seen. The man stood there terrified and asked "Who are You?"
The large beast looked back at him and said "Hi i'm Cess....."

BH
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  #244  
Old 02-18-2018, 04:50 PM
stuckincity stuckincity is offline
 
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An Alberta man left the snow-filled streets of Calgary in February for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

"Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here."


_________________________


An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe. But you will have to tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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  #245  
Old 02-18-2018, 06:07 PM
Sundog57 Sundog57 is offline
 
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A guy is out hiking in the outback of Australia and he comes upon a vast herd of sheep. Way back at the back he spies Bruce the drover and a couple of dogs and by and by the drover gets up to him just in time to have a boil up.
So they're sitting drinking their tea and having a bit of a chat and the hiker observes that being a drover in the outback must be a pretty lonely business.
Aay what of it?
Says Bruce
the Hiker says well I was just wondering what you did out here when, uh, you got the urge.
Bruce looks at him for a while and he says, Well... ya take yer ewe and ya put one back leg in one rubba boot and the other back leg in the otha rubba boot and ya throw her front legs o'er the fence and ya give it to 'er.

The hiker says I see - and after a while they part ways

A couple of years later he's hiking in Scotland and sure enough he comes across a vast herd of sheep with wee Angus and a couple of border collies at the back.
As luck would have it he ends up having a boil up and a wee dram with Angus and they get to chatting and by and by he recounts the story from Australia.
Angus turn bright red and just gets spitting mad - he can hardly talk.
Those Australians he says, they're disgusting, those filthy barstards.
The hiker recoils a bit from the strength on Angus's emotions, so you don't do that here? he asks.
Nay says Angus that's animal abuse
If she's got her front legs o'er the fence, ya could never give the wee lass a kiss and show her how you truly feel
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  #246  
Old 02-18-2018, 07:24 PM
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Red Bullets Red Bullets is offline
 
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A man was driving down a country road and saw a disturbing thing happening in a pasture. The man drove into the next farm yard and knocked on the door. A young teenager came to the door.
The man said urgently, "I thought you should know there is a man molesting one of the sheep in your pasture!"

The boy chuckled, " That's ok. That's my Da-a-a-a-a-a-d."
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This country was started by voyagers whose young lives were swept away by the currents of the rivers for ten cents a day... just for the vanity of the European's beaver hats. ~ Red Bullets
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It is when you walk alone in nature that you discover your strengths and weaknesses. ~ Red Bullets
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  #247  
Old 02-18-2018, 07:58 PM
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Little red riding hood Little red riding hood is offline
 
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A man gets pulled over for speeding, the cop approaches his car and he rolls the window down,
Officer; licence and registration please.
Driver; sorry officer, I lost my licence after my third DUI, and as for registration, it's not my car, I stole it, but I think I saw it when I put my handgun in the glove box.
Officer; you've got a gun in the glove box?
Driver; yes sir, I used it to shoot the owner of the car... she's in the trunk.
Officer; you've got a BODY in the trunk?
Driver; yes sir, I couldn't just leave her in the parking lot.
Officer, DON'T MOVE!

Officer goes back to his car and within minutes 6 squad cars show up with sirens wailing and lights flashing!
The chief cautiously approaches the drivers window.
Chief; licence and registration please, driver hands it over, licence is valid, car is registered in his name,
Chief; open the glove box please, driver opens glove box, it's empty.
Chief; pop the trunk please sir,
Driver pops the trunk, it's empty... chief approaches the drivers window again and says, I don't understand, the officer who pulled you over said that you had lost your licence, that you'd stolen the car, that you had a handgun in the glove box and a BODY in the trunk!
Driver; I'll bet that lying S.O.B said I was speeding too! Didn't he?
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  #248  
Old 02-18-2018, 08:08 PM
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Little red riding hood Little red riding hood is offline
 
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An old Florida cowboy is riding his horse one day when he sees a large frog sitting beside the trail, so he pulls his gun, thinking "frogs legs for supper tonight!" The frog crys out "hold on pardner, I'm a magic frog, I can Grant you 3 wishes!" So the cowboy put his gun away and says "alright then, I've got an old trunk in my basement, I want it full of gold coins frog says "done!" Cowboy says, "I've got another trunk, I want it full of $100 bills" frog says "done" cowboy said "for my third wish, I want a dong as big as my horse!" Frog says "done" so the cowboy goes home, opens the first trunk and gold coins start tumbling out onto the floor! So he pops the second one and it's stacked to the lid with $100 bills! He unzips his fly and reaches in and his eyes get big as saucers, and he says "oh darn, I was riding a mare today!"
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  #249  
Old 02-18-2018, 08:24 PM
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Little red riding hood Little red riding hood is offline
 
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An old lady is digging through her attic one day when she comes across an old oil lamp, she takes it downstairs with her and sits in her rocker and starts polishing it when suddenly! Out pops a genie! He tells her that she has 3 wishes, so she says, "I wish I was young and beautiful again" *poof* she's young and beautiful again! She says, "I wish my rocker was pure gold" *poof* her rocker is pure gold. She says, "i wish my cat was a handsome young Prince *poof* kitty turns into a Prince. He comes over and starts rubbing her shoulders and whispers in her ear, "I'll bet now you're wishing you hadn't had me neutered!"
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  #250  
Old 02-19-2018, 07:27 AM
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Parker Hale Parker Hale is offline
 
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Location: Back in the Kootenays!
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As a North Bay trucker stops for a red light on Hwy.11, a Blonde catches up.. She jumps out of her car, runs up to
his Truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the Window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you
Are losing some of your load!"

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl
Catches up again. She jumps out of her car runs up and Knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.
As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly,
"Hi, my name is Heather, and you are Losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and Continues down the street. At the third red light, the same Thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up,Knocks on the truck door.
The trucker lowers the window.. Again she says, "Hi, my Name is Heather, and you are
Losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to The next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets Out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on Her window, and as she lowers it, he says,.............

"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in CANADA, and I’m driving the SALT TRUCK....!
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  #251  
Old 02-19-2018, 11:35 AM
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If you ain't making' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder....

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
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  #252  
Old 02-19-2018, 11:39 AM
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Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air
Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks"
are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance
crews.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough."
Solution: "Auto-land not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."

Problem: "#1, #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."
Solution: "Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Auto-pilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm
descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."
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  #253  
Old 02-19-2018, 11:40 AM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
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A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker are captured by cannibals.
The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, put you in a pot and cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The
good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword. "Vive la France!" he screams, and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol. The Brit. points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out every part of his body -- it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and asks, "My God Almighty, what are you doing?"
The New Yorker says, "So much for your canoe!"
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  #254  
Old 02-19-2018, 11:44 AM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
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A wife arriving home after a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about."
"Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. Her shoes were worn-out so I gave her a pair of your shoes that you didn't wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wear because the color didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours
that you don't fit into anymore."
"Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?' So, here we are!"
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  #255  
Old 02-19-2018, 11:47 AM
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The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. "I assume, she snarled, that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is, he replied, breakfast."
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  #256  
Old 02-19-2018, 11:48 AM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
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A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured with a small course of two suppositories inserted deep up the back passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over, and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him the second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours time using rubber gloves and
KY-Jelly or something.
So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. Thus, he calls his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home. Suddenly the man screams in disgust. "What's the matter?" asked his wife. "Did I hurt you?"
"No," replies the man, "but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders."
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  #257  
Old 02-19-2018, 11:50 AM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
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There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass. Well endowed, gorgeous, amazing. The priests were all in embarrassing new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.
The first priest approached the window. "Young lady," he began, "I would like three pickets to titsburg..." Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.
The second priest approached. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh," he began, "and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." So of course he also fled.
Then came the third. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And I must say," he continued, "if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his peter at you."
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  #258  
Old 02-19-2018, 04:10 PM
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Little red riding hood Little red riding hood is offline
 
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3 preachers are talking one day about how hard it is to get people into church anymore, so they come up with a brilliant plan to see which one is the best preacher, so the test is to see who can get a bear to join the congregation. So the Catholic goes first, a few days later he's back, with an arm in a sling and some scratches on his face; the other 2 ask him what happened, he says "well, I found a bear and wrestled him down and got him sprinkled, and he's confirmed that he'll join our congregation". So the Baptist heads out, he's back in a few days, but in pretty rough shape, he's in a wheelchair and one ear hanging off the side of his head, the other 2 ask him what happened? "Well he said, I found a bear, and just my luck he was way up on top of a hill! So I had to wrestle him all the way down the hill to get him in the river and baptize him, then we spent the afternoon singing amazing Grace and having fellowship!" So the jew goes last, and a week later they're visiting him in the hospital after he gets out of surgery! And they ask him what happened? He says "well, I believe I've learned a lot from this experience, and if I were ever to do anything like this again... I don't think I'd start with circumcision!"
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  #259  
Old 02-19-2018, 04:22 PM
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bat119 bat119 is offline
 
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Default New golf term

After a round of golf, Nannette, Phillipa, Darcey, Yvonne sat around the club house, chatting.
Seeing the ladies, the professional golfer approached them and asked: “How did your game go?
Yvonne said she had a good round … making the comment that she actually had 20 riders.The golfer was a bit confused not knowing what a “Rider” was.
Darcey quickly chimed in and said that she had a very good round as well with 14 riders.
Phillipa then said that her round was average and that she had 9 riders.
Nannette admitted that she played the worst round of the day and that she only had 3 riders all day long.
The professional golfer was completely baffled not knowing what the term “rider” meant. But, because he didn’t want to look goofy, he made a quick polite remark, wished the girls well and then left.
He then approached the barman and asked “Hey, can you tell me what these ladies are talking about when they refer to “Riders”?”
The barman simply smiled and said…”A ‘Rider” is when you hit a shot long enough to ride on the golf cart to your ball.
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  #260  
Old 02-20-2018, 12:06 PM
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Two young nuns having just been ordained were on a holiday in New York City and were standing in front of the gorilla cage at the Bronx Zoo.
The gorilla took one look at this beautiful young nun, bent the bars, leapt to the ground and ravished her. Then he went back into his cage, straightened the bars and resumed thumping on his massive chest.
The young nun got up off the ground, straightened and dusted her clothes, turned to her companion and said, "We shall never talk about this, agreed?" The other young nun consented.
Twenty five years later the two nuns, who had stayed close friends, were out having coffee, when all of the sudden, the second nun asked her friend, "I know I agreed never to talk about the event at the zoo but I have one question."
The other nun stared and said, "O.K., one question!"
The other nun stammered, then asked, "Did it hurt?"
"Did it hurt? Oh yes it hurt! He never called..., he never phoned..., he never sent flowers......
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  #261  
Old 02-20-2018, 12:15 PM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
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Dirty Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way.
Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why're you wearin' your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children." Johnny says, "Gee mister, you should wear your trousers backwards."
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  #262  
Old 02-20-2018, 12:17 PM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
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A guy's working at the lumber yard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers.
He goes to the Emergency Room. The doctor's says, "Yuk! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see
what I can do."
The guy says, "I haven't got the fingers."
The doctor says, "What do you mean, `you haven't got the fingers'? It's 1991. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made
you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"
He says, "Well, ****, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up."
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  #263  
Old 02-20-2018, 12:26 PM
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Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"
Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go 'tick-tock-tick-tock' anymore. Now it just goes 'tick...tick...tick.'"
The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock. He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face. Then he says in a menacing voice, "Ve haf vays of
making you tock!"
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  #264  
Old 02-20-2018, 12:30 PM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
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All his life Harry wanted to visit New Orleans, but each time he pleaded his case, his wife refused. Theirs was not the happiest of marriages, and over the years, Harry grew tired of begging her. He finally decided to pack his things and go to New Orleans. Upon arrival,
Harry became reborn, wandering the French Quarter, eating the Cajun food, listening to the sounds and seeing the sights. Sitting in a sidewalk cafe, having a beer, he watched a most unusual sight. A big black hearse, covered with flowers, slowly drove through the streets,
followed by a well-dressed man and his St. Bernard, "Max". Behind the man and his dog, a single-file line of men formed a procession that went on for miles, seemingly endless. Curiosity overcame Harry, for this custom was surely a part of New Orleans, and he had waited all his life
to fully experience all of it. He approached the man and his dog, and politely asked the nature of this procession. It was explained that the hearse contained the man's wife, and that Max had recently attacked and killed her. "I'm so sorry for you" said Harry, when he remembered his
miserable wife back home. "When this is over, do you think I could borrow your dog?" "Sure, get in line", came the reply........
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  #265  
Old 02-20-2018, 12:30 PM
stuckincity stuckincity is offline
 
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A father walks into a restaurant with his young son..
He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face..
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
The woman replied, "No. I'm with Revenue Canada."
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  #266  
Old 02-20-2018, 12:31 PM
Gerry Gerry is offline
 
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A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available.
Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed.
Nun: I think that would be okay.
They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room.
Ten minutes later...
Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold.
Priest: Okay, I'll get you a blanket. (He does)
Ten minutes later...Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold.
Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. (He does)
Ten minutes later...
Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.
Priest: You're probably right...get up and get your own damn blanket.
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  #267  
Old 02-20-2018, 12:33 PM
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Stinky Buffalo Stinky Buffalo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by colroggal View Post
A bear and a rabbit are pooping in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit:
"Mr Rabbit," he says, "do you ever have problems with poop sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit shakes his head. "Nope," he says, "can't say it's ever been an issue."
"Good to hear," says the bear. He finishes up, grabs the rabbit and wipes.

Colin
Now with illustrations!



I always tell my kids, "You know when the bears are out - that's when the bunnies start turning brown!"
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  #268  
Old 02-20-2018, 06:24 PM
stuckincity stuckincity is offline
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Calgary
Posts: 2,315
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Little Mary

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which
human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until Little Mary stood up angry, and said, "You should
not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal,who will then fire you!"

With a sneer on her face, Mary then sat down.
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part
increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said,
"The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued,"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
One, you have a dirty mind,
Two, you didn't read your homework,
and three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."
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  #269  
Old 02-20-2018, 06:54 PM
Fish along's Avatar
Fish along Fish along is offline
 
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Location: Camrose county
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stinky Buffalo View Post
Now with illustrations!



I always tell my kids, "You know when the bears are out - that's when the bunnies start turning brown!"
So this is why the rabbits turn brown lol
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If people concentrated on the really important things in life,there would be a shortage of fishing poles.Doug larson. Theres a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. Steven Wright.
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  #270  
Old 02-20-2018, 07:23 PM
stuckincity stuckincity is offline
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Calgary
Posts: 2,315
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Little Ivan

One for the lib-leftys..........

One day before the fall of the Soviet Union, a Russian Grade 3 class had just finished their studies of the history of world religions.

The teacher stood in front of the class and said, "Now class what nationality do you think Adam and Eve were?"

Little Ivan put his hand up.

The teacher said, "Yes Ivan, what nationality do you think they were?"

Little Ivan said, "Well I think Adam and Eve were Russian."

The teacher said, "That's very interesting. Why do you think they were Russian?"

Little Ivan replied, "Because they had no clothes, no roof over their heads, and only one apple between them - and they called it Paradise."
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