Stressful Job Advice

OpenSights · #1 02-15-2018, 08:32 PM

Need some advice,

I got a pretty stressful job. Was brought into a new plant our company bought to help get this new place aligned like other facilities.

Was a great move and was promoted. Old job was easy as i knew it in and out.

New place is hectic and will be for quite a few years id guess till all the people and processes turn around. Noticing my self not sleeping, feeling wound up and not happy sometimes.

Im just about 40 and have worked away from home for the last 20 years.
I got 2 young boys and am starting to think about my future and if the job/money is really worth it in the long run. Wife would like to go back to work and would like me home.

It would be a huge change if i left but i think id live longer....i have been good with my money and could find something in central AB to survive.

Anyone else have to make this decision before? And if so whats your advice?

Norwest Alta · #2 02-15-2018, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OpenSights

Need some advice,

I got a pretty stressful job. Was brought into a new plant our company bought to help get this new place aligned like other facilities.

Was a great move and was promoted. Old job was easy as i knew it in and out.

New place is hectic and will be for quite a few years id guess till all the people and processes turn around. Noticing my self not sleeping, feeling wound up and not happy sometimes.

Im just about 40 and have worked away from home for the last 20 years.
I got 2 young boys and am starting to think about my future and if the job/money is really worth it in the long run. Wife would like to go back to work and would like me home.

It would be a huge change if i left but i think id live longer....i have been good with my money and could find something in central AB to survive.

Anyone else have to make this decision before? And if so whats your advice?

I tried being home and making less. Tried being home less and making more. Neither really worked until we relocated so I could do the same job make better money and be home most nights.

Positrac · #3 02-15-2018, 08:38 PM

Sorry, no advice here. I’m sitting pretty much where you are...

tri777 · #4 02-15-2018, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OpenSights

Need some advice,

..I got a pretty stressful job..
..New place is hectic and will be for quite a few years..
..Noticing my self not sleeping..
..feeling wound up and not happy sometimes...
..got 2 young boys..starting to think about future if money is worth it..
..Wife would like me home...
.. i think id live longer..."

I for one would bail on it..

MyAlberta · #5 02-15-2018, 08:44 PM

I left a high stress, long hours career when my two daughters were 2-4 years old. The wife and I worked at building her home based business for 10 years before I went back to work full time. We shared the family duties and spent our family time together. I did school trips, coaching, and two month summer vacations. We are now approaching retirement and the contribution the wife’s business has made puts us in good shape.

Off in the Bushes · #6 02-15-2018, 08:56 PM

Don't take that home, you are one person, if you have been promoted then role model for the staff, let then know what your values and expectations are, so you are all on the same page. Kill them with kindness but be fair. I have found that the entitled need to removed for the work force especially those that have lost gratitude and respect.

Norwest Alta · #7 02-15-2018, 08:57 PM

Forgot to add I do think you're on the right track.

Salavee · #8 02-15-2018, 09:01 PM

This life is not a dress rehearsal for the real thing... this is it. Before you know it your kids will have grown up and gone their way. and I wouldn't think you want to miss their growing up any more than you absolutely have to. It seems we can't have it all sometimes but a gut felt response to a difficult choice is always the best one overall.
With your wife ready and willing to work and wanting you home more ,and with yourself very likely to find other decent employment, you win, wife wins and kids win. Only you have the answer. Best of Luck !

buckbrush · #9 02-15-2018, 09:30 PM

I'm pretty much in the same boat. Lots of experience in my field (rigs/ down hole) that's what I've been doing since I was 18.
Problem is any job I would take with better hours and less pay would have to basically be an entry level position.

Yes the money is nice but like stated above, kids are growing up too fast.
I have been noticing the most fun i have with them are the hikes, working on things ect. stuff that doesn't cost much. They don't care how new of vehicles we drive or how nice of house we have. This has been changing my views a lot but honestly, i'm scared to leave a good paying but notoriously stressful job to start over again.

I think you already mentioned the biggest thing...Having your wife on board and willing to help. The choice is yours but not many people on their death bed think "I should have worked more".

jstubbs · #10 02-15-2018, 09:31 PM

Stress is dangerous. Real high stress work will outright take years off of your life.

My opinion? A job already entails trading precious finite time of your life in exchange for money. A high stress job entails both trading finite time of your life AND shortens your already finite life for money. Better be well paying...

CarbineKid · #11 02-15-2018, 09:39 PM

It will be a incredible change to your life no doubt, but if being with family tops your list of priorities, there is only one answer. Sounds like you have the financial security aspect of life well under control, go enjoy everything else while you can.

I was involved with aviation from the time I left high school. At 34, my first little one was born and I left it all, and changed careers so I could be around for her as much as possible. 36 now, living comfortable, in wonderful place to raise a family, with another little one on the way soon.
Not a single regret.

densa44 · #12 02-15-2018, 10:03 PM

My boss was a horrible person and it was making me very unhappy. I left, came to Alberta and have been happy ever since.

This is a no brainer, happiness is what life is all about. I'm sure you hear the joke, that no one on his death bed said "I wish I'd spent more time at the office!"

Talk to you wife decide what is best for you and your family and go for it.

Money is a very poor goal to spend your life chasing. Good luck.

bobalong · #13 02-15-2018, 10:04 PM

Our kids our all grown now but I chose the stay at home option. After about 12 years with a company I worked into a well paying job. After 8 more years I decided the stress was to much and I walked away.
After 20 years I left and got my sanity and happy back. We decided early on that we would raise our children, not a daycare. Worked many years with one income and as much OT as I could get. We did okay, our kids turned out great.

I have never understood people who choose their career over their family, or work 40 years, retire and then move away from their family. Everyone is different.

Like others have said don't ignore stress it is dangerous and don't ever let your job steal time from family. You hear people saying "where did the time go" believe me that is so true. I was thirty with a well paying job, great family, it seemed like I just turned around and I was 60.

New Hunter Okotoks · #14 02-15-2018, 10:10 PM

You only get to go around once in life. You have two young boys, don't wake up
20 years from now and realize that you missed most of their lives growing up and maturing into men. If you can get a job where you can be home every
night with your wife and be there for whenever the boys need you- go that route and don't ever look back. If there is a roof over your heads, food on the table, love in your heart, and you can pay for basic necessities, the rest is just
"Stuff".

Big money is nice; but at what cost?

bobtodrick · #15 02-15-2018, 10:13 PM

First...my father was a dozer operator from before I was born (1955) till he retired at 65. Worked pipeline and was gone 8-9 months of the year.
He died at 82 of lung cancer. What bothered me most was that I felt I hardly new him and had very few memories of good times with him.
Yet I know he felt he was doing the best for his family...sending home the big paycheques.
The other thing I read in a book. ‘When you’re old and in your rocking chair on your veranda...your old job won’t drop by to say hello and give you a hug’.

Ishpah · #16 02-15-2018, 10:14 PM

Stress is what you bring on yourself. Control what you can, ignore what you cannot. Transfer stress to those under you, lead by example and they will follow suit.

mattthegorby · #17 02-15-2018, 10:17 PM

The thoughts above from everyone probably just afirm what you already believe to be true.

Sounds like you may have to start over again career wise. One thing to consider is that giving up the stressful job could be not just a way to spend time with the family, but also an opportunity to pursue another line of work that you are interested in.

30's is pretty young still. One buddy of mine is finishing up a nursing degree, another completed his millright apprenticeship, and I started working in social services after a 5 year construction stint - all of us on our 40's.

Your work ethic and smarts that got you into a leadership role will likely allow you to progress quickly in another field.

Sent from my SM-G920W8 using Tapatalk

The Fisherman Guy · #18 02-15-2018, 10:29 PM

Don't give up. You accepted the role, you owe it to yourself to stick to your commitment and do your best. You'll also grow as a person along the way. Sounds like you are afraid to fail. Understand that everyone is afraid to fail, some just don't accept it and avoid any situation where they may fail. This leads to staying in your comfort zone, and never realizing your true potential.

Always plan for things to not always go according to the plan. Stress is manageable, it just needs to be managed one step at a time.

Eat properly. If you smoke, quit. Get good rest. Unplug at the end of every single day.

Next thing you know, you will be miles ahead of where you started - and you will be thankful that you didn't take the easy way out in the beginning.

Red Bullets · #19 02-15-2018, 11:04 PM

Change is good. Change challenges a person to grow, learn, adapt, and even find new passions and friendships. It means you are actually walking down the path that you have chosen.

Stress only chews at us and is death by a thousand bites. A few men I have known that worked in high stress jobs aged prematurely and at a time in life when they should have been enjoying family and life in general they passed away from stress related health problems. The companies the stressed dead men worked for replaced them and just carried on without a worry.

The only stresses a man should have in life is deciding which lake to go fishing at and which big game animal he should put a draw in for. And for those that are married, that their wife and kids are happy and healthy.

To the people that are scared to leave a good paying job.... You are a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from cosmic dust. What are you scared of?

catnthehat · #20 02-15-2018, 11:14 PM

I left several high paying jobs over the years because I was not happy with the way they had developed .
I would much rather spend the time with family than making big money because you cannot get back the hours away from your family.
Cat

warriorboy10 · #21 02-15-2018, 11:24 PM

A good place to work out the stress (Gym) but more importantly a very good psychologist which will most likely suggest to you that an occupation that is creating high stress isn’t worth your life!!

Good luck and make the right decision..

raab · #22 02-15-2018, 11:36 PM

Start working out, and look after yourself(I ride horses to relax). At the end of the day you have to provide for your family. I took a entry level position just to be home every night and hated it because the company didnt recognize my experience.

Now Im not guaranteed to be home every night, but am home most of the time. I make enough that I can provide for my family, and help my kids do anything they want. Money isn't everything, but its worth a bit of sacrifice to ensure you don't have to worry about how much you spend on the grocery bill. Just remember your young kids will grow old and will need dental/medical work, on top of clothing and school supplies. If you have good benefits and your company is good to work for I'd stay and help them figure it out. If your job makes you absolutely miserable then leave and find something that will make you happy, and pay the bills. Remember why you're working(your family), and find a ladder you want to climb. Best career advice I ever got.

tool · #23 02-15-2018, 11:58 PM

This is a difficult and convoluted issue, at the end of the day the issue is yours alone.
There are some things to remember though,
1. Money is simply a tool to get through life, the money you have beyond your basic needs generally just turns into useless "stuff".
2. Money never takes precedence over health, no matter what. Anybody that tells you different has never really been sick. Stress and its effects will make you sick eventually, guaranteed.
3. If you excelled in your current position you will excel in another. It might take a while but if people realize and recognize your worth monetarily now, they will in the future. Find employment that rewards you financially as well as satisfies your needs for family time, self worth and happiness.
4. You already know the answer to this question or you wouldn't be posting it on a public forum for strangers to read and comment on. You don't need our validation, you just need the courage to go ahead with what you feel is right. The support of your wife and your family is paramount. As has been posted already, nobody is going to wish they spent more time at work than they did, your kids aren't going to look back and wish that dad had spent $10 extra on them but they might wish he had been around more and if it comes to that they WILL wish he lived longer.
5. Good luck. Been in your position and feel your pain.

Ranets · #24 02-16-2018, 12:10 AM

Bottom line is your kids grow up stupidly fast and time lost with them can not be bought back and at the end of the day being the richest man in the graveyard doesn't really matter. Just my 2 cents.

wolf308 · #25 02-16-2018, 04:29 AM

Hey bud that sucks ..... I'm in the same boat ..... thinking kinda similar to you

I'm gonna take one of my operators advice here soon I think ( if I ever get around to it ) and try out squash / or racket ball aka gym ..... so ya. Idk. Try the gym or jogging I found was really good for stress .... even just a good fast paced walk.

Sorry not much but try those out.

pikergolf · #26 02-16-2018, 04:45 AM

I doubt many people say I wish I had worked harder and spent more time away from my family on their death bed. I have heard of lots saying I wish I had spent more time with my kids. There is a balance there somewhere, I hope you can find it.

Stress really is a killer. If you do decide to stay, some time with a counselor learning how to deal with stress might be useful.

Sundancefisher · #27 02-16-2018, 05:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OpenSights

Need some advice,

I got a pretty stressful job. Was brought into a new plant our company bought to help get this new place aligned like other facilities.

Was a great move and was promoted. Old job was easy as i knew it in and out.

New place is hectic and will be for quite a few years id guess till all the people and processes turn around. Noticing my self not sleeping, feeling wound up and not happy sometimes.

Im just about 40 and have worked away from home for the last 20 years.
I got 2 young boys and am starting to think about my future and if the job/money is really worth it in the long run. Wife would like to go back to work and would like me home.

It would be a huge change if i left but i think id live longer....i have been good with my money and could find something in central AB to survive.

Anyone else have to make this decision before? And if so whats your advice?

Can you list some of the stresses specifically?

It is entirely normal to have some anxiety and stress when moving out of ones comfort zone. Over time as you learn more and get used to the new role that usually decreases down to where you were before.

Every job is different but 3-6 months would be expected.

The biggest difficulty in what you are experiencing is in how you are being led. When new your boss should be walking you threw how to do things. Then easing off over time as you learn until you can do it all yourself without help.

Cheers

Sun

BuckCuller · #28 02-16-2018, 05:57 AM

Before transitioning jobs for lesser pay learn to live on less as some people when they are making more live a little higher on the hog so to speak. So evaluate how to cut costs of your lifestyle before changing jobs.
I’m not saying you spend money foolishly but maybe it’s time to talk to your mobile phone provider or other service providers and demand a better deal, you know the bills that add up that you don’t think about because you have the money.
Change is often good to get out of a slump.

jcrayford · #29 02-16-2018, 06:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OpenSights

Need some advice,

I got a pretty stressful job. Was brought into a new plant our company bought to help get this new place aligned like other facilities.

Was a great move and was promoted. Old job was easy as i knew it in and out.

New place is hectic and will be for quite a few years id guess till all the people and processes turn around. Noticing my self not sleeping, feeling wound up and not happy sometimes.

Im just about 40 and have worked away from home for the last 20 years.
I got 2 young boys and am starting to think about my future and if the job/money is really worth it in the long run. Wife would like to go back to work and would like me home.

It would be a huge change if i left but i think id live longer....i have been good with my money and could find something in central AB to survive.

Anyone else have to make this decision before? And if so whats your advice?

Been there, done that. Quit my field work when my son was 4 because he thought I lived at the airport (they would drop me off, then a couple of weeks later they would pick me up and bring me "home" for a night or 2). When he told me that, I was done. Never looked back.

Sure, I miss the field sometimes, but the office work is more enjoyable and I absolutely love my job. Money isn't as good as what could've been, but my wife went back to work so it equaled out (your will too if she works again - plus she gets her independence back which will save your marriage)

I think you need to ask yourself:

- Do I LIVE TO WORK? or
- Do I WORK TO LIVE?

My opinion? I work so that I can live and enjoy my life and those I love.

J.

Jayhad · #30 02-16-2018, 08:47 AM

QUIT

I used to work a job where i worked a lot more and made a lot more than I make now, but now with a job that is 37.5 hours a week I am happy and get to spend time with my family.