'Poison Pen' Letter

[stuckincity]

Someone sent me this by snail mail, just got the letter today.

Its old as the hills, but was it one of YOU GUYS that sent it to me............???

The Reverend Elton Jones Rescue Mission

"Dear Mr. [My Last Name]

Perhaps you have heard of my nationwide campaign in the cause of Temperance. Each year in the last fifteen I have made a
tour of Western Canada, delivering a series of lectures on the evils of drinking
On this tour, I have been accompanied by my friend Clyde
Linton. Clyde, a young man of good family and excellent background,
is a pathetic example of a life ruined by excessive indulgence in
alcohol.
Clyde would appear with me at the lectures and sit on the
platform, drunk, wheezing, staring at the audience through heavy,
bleary, blood-shot eyes, sweating profusely, picking his nose,
passing gas, and making obscene gestures to the ladies, while I pointed him out
as an example of what over-indulgence in alcohol can do to a person.
This winter, unfortunately, my dear Clyde passed away and I require a replacement.
A mutual friend has given me your name and I wonder if you would be available to take Clyde’s place on this summer’s tour?

Yours in faith,

[signed]

The Reverend Elton Jones"