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Old 10-01-2018, 11:53 PM
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Default Funny/Ackward Moments...

Seeing as how hunting is once again off the table for me, let's have a bit of fun.


About 15 years ago, my little brother was about to pop the question on his beautiful bride to be. He had an amazing weekend in Banff planned, but with one ask.

Could we babysit their new kitten?

"No problem!" was my immediate reply.

Problem.

Kitty just had surgery and wasn't recovering so well.

The big night arrives. The happy couple deliver their 'first born' with a long list of instructions. No problem...

The happy couple departs. Leaving their sickly baby cuddled up on my lap. No problem...

At approximately the six minute mark upon their happy departure, kitty looks me square in the eye and promptly DIES!!!

@#$^^!!!!

Mrs Tree is a cat lover. She instantly looses her s#it! This is less than helpful.

Mind reeling, the only thing I can immediately think of is CPR.

With a heroic swoop, I swing dead kitty into position and begin blowing into it's nose and applying compersions.

Kitty came to life! It friggin' legitamatly came back!

He then sneezed in my mouth, looked me square in the eye and !@##ing died again. Further efforts were unsuccessful.

So at this point, I'm stuck with an incredibly upset wife, a stressed out bro and a dead cat in my lap. And people complain about Mondays!

Not the best way to begin a weekend....

Then the phone rang. "How's Gus?"

"Gus is doing just fine."

They are long since happily married, with three beautiful children. Poor Gus hasn't been mentioned once until tonight. I'm not so sure the SIL is over it. LOL!


Tree
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  #2  
Old 10-02-2018, 06:16 AM
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Sounds like a real catastrophe.
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Old 10-02-2018, 06:32 AM
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You've got to be kitten me.
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Old 10-02-2018, 08:07 AM
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Back when I was a bachelor I used to run my first house as a shared accom rental to help pay my bills. My tenants were my best friend and his older sister who even used to babysit me back when we were really young. My buddies girlfriend had gifted me a kitten that was still very young so it was getting all over as kittens do. My female tenant was doing some laundry one day and might have had to warm up one load that was in the dryer so that it would fold better, turned out kitty had gotten in there when the door was ajar and it did not survive the ride, being a gas-fired dryer it didn’t stand a chance. The girl was traumatized, so I only mentioned that the laundry was ‘kitten soft’ to others . Of course those clothes needed to be washed again. The SPCA people can give a pretty dirty look when you’re dropping off a dead kitten for cremation with such a story.
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Old 10-02-2018, 10:30 AM
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Anyone remember the time that TheFisherManGuy needed some delicate assistance related to a piercing?
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Old 10-02-2018, 10:31 AM
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Tree, your story reminds me of this scene from "The Office":



Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewey Cox View Post
You've got to be kitten me.
You owe me a new monitor and keyboard.

Coffee! Spewed EVERYWHERE!
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Old 10-02-2018, 10:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Albertadiver View Post
Anyone remember the time that TheFisherManGuy needed some delicate assistance related to a piercing?
That poor guy was in distress and now he will go down in AO infamy. I remember that thread.
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Old 10-02-2018, 11:25 AM
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You blew into a kitten and did compressions?

Don't accept any nominations for Supreme Court, the Senate Judiciary Hearing is going to be epic....
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"Slàinte mhòr agad!"
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Old 10-02-2018, 11:37 AM
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Left my dog with my son, during my week long Yukon trip. He only killed 2 chickens. Son, understandably, wanted to drop him off a little early.

Grizz
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Old 10-02-2018, 12:32 PM
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One night after the kids were in bed I ran to the basement to grab something from the freezer. For some reason I didn't turn on the main light and was walking back towards the stairs in pretty much pitch black. About 4 feet infront of me I saw the most terrifying sight. I let out a scream and threw what I had in my hand as I lunged backwards. Turns out my daughter (about 6 at the time) came down to see what I was doing. the light from upstairs and her white night gown made her look like a floating ghost of a little girl....Just glad I didn't nail her with a pack of frozen steaks.
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  #11  
Old 10-02-2018, 05:46 PM
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......

Last edited by huntinstuff; 10-02-2018 at 05:54 PM.
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Old 10-02-2018, 05:52 PM
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Jeeezusss.....huntinstuff, that you didn't get shot, quartered, and your head mounted on the wall...or maybe your arse, with a stick of dynamite up it....i can't even imagine the fallout of doing something like that. And you lived to tell the tale.

Bravo sir....Bravo. I knew I admired you for a reason, but we may be into worship territory at this point. My God....Bravo!

Edit: and then you delete that epic post?? Where is the sense of fair play? Dammit!!
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'...for a Nation to try and tax itself to prosperity, is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself by the handle.'. Winston Churchill

'You can accomplish a lot more with a kind word and a gun, than with a kind word alone.' Al Capone

"Slàinte mhòr agad!"
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  #13  
Old 10-02-2018, 05:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twisted Canuck View Post
Jeeezusss.....huntinstuff, that you didn't get shot, quartered, and your head mounted on the wall...or maybe your arse, with a stick of dynamite up it....i can't even imagine the fallout of doing something like that. And you lived to tell the tale.

Bravo sir....Bravo. I knew I admired you for a reason, but we may be into worship territory at this point. My God....Bravo!

Edit: and then you delete that epic post?? Where is the sense of fair play? Dammit!!
Oh lord i second thot it. Lol
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Old 10-02-2018, 06:38 PM
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I was 19 and had cyst growing on my left temple which Dr. Kuzyk scheduled for day surgery removal at the (Catholic) hospital in Vergreville. Zero hour comes and a nun/nurse starts my prep. “Strip and put on this gown”. (I thought stripping was a bit more than required but what do I know about sterile environments at 19.). “I see you didn’t remove your shorts, please take them off!” (Hmmm I’m starting to feel a bit uncomfortable but comply.). “ Get up on the table and pull up the gown so I can shave you!!” (That’s it, I’m ready to bail when the Doc walks in and says “What’s going on here?” ... The Nun looks at the poorly scribbled order sheet ... turns beet red ... and exclaims “Oh no, I thought it said “remove cyst from left testicle” .
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Old 10-02-2018, 07:00 PM
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Im in Cabo San Lucas with my partner Heath

We decide one day to sit by the pool and use the swim up bar.

I develop this theory that the spiced rum is watered down, so I propose that I consume more than my normal, just to test my theory. Heath says go to it. She promises to watch over me. Sorta.

A few hours later, Im sitting poolside with my feet in the pool, having my 16th spiced rum and coke.

I feel two hands on my left shoulder, rubbing coconut sunscreen on me. Oh man, Im loving this.

Then, I feel two hands doing the same on my right shoulder. .......



I open my eyes and see this 20 something girl who doesn’t look vaguely familiar. I look over and theres another one. Must be friends. Smiley, wearing bikinis properly. Friendly as hell.

I look over and Heath is on a lounger about 30 ft away, shades down, and shes watching this. Im looking back at her like “hey, I thought it was you”

Heath puts her shades back on, shakes her head, and reclines. Totally abandons me in a dangerous foreign country in the company of aggressive strangers.
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Old 10-02-2018, 07:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 260 Rem View Post
I was 19 and had cyst growing on my left temple which Dr. Kuzyk scheduled for day surgery removal at the (Catholic) hospital in Vergreville. Zero hour comes and a nun/nurse starts my prep. “Strip and put on this gown”. (I thought stripping was a bit more than required but what do I know about sterile environments at 19.). “I see you didn’t remove your shorts, please take them off!” (Hmmm I’m starting to feel a bit uncomfortable but comply.). “ Get up on the table and pull up the gown so I can shave you!!” (That’s it, I’m ready to bail when the Doc walks in and says “What’s going on here?” ... The Nun looks at the poorly scribbled order sheet ... turns beet red ... and exclaims “Oh no, I thought it said “remove cyst from left testicle” .
Whoa!!!!!
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Old 10-02-2018, 07:38 PM
Hawkeye Hawkeye is online now
 
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My wife and I were leaders for Cub scouts.
One of our young guys mentioned he was getting his tonsils removed.
Another fellow, who did not hear properly, asked him if he was getting his testicles removed..... the first guy quickly piped up and said it was his tonsils!
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Old 10-02-2018, 09:19 PM
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Gosh, I was going to tell the story of taking library books back when they were 8 weeks overdue, but after huntinstuff's story, I don't even know where to go. Maybe I should tell about how I joined a spiritual love cult because they told me i'd get saved......but even that is weak.
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'...for a Nation to try and tax itself to prosperity, is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself by the handle.'. Winston Churchill

'You can accomplish a lot more with a kind word and a gun, than with a kind word alone.' Al Capone

"Slàinte mhòr agad!"
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  #19  
Old 10-02-2018, 10:26 PM
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A couple of years ago I went in for minor day surgery. I get "fatty tumors" which pose no health risk but can be a PITA. This day I was getting 5 removed from my upper thighs; 2 on the left and 3 on the right. The doctor was a young lady and she had a young male intern assisting. She explained that she would do the right leg while the intern did the left. I felt the needles for freezing several times on the right leg but nothing on the left. I assumed they decided to do the right first and then later the left. I then felt the pressure but no pain on the right leg, then I felt the pressure and intense burning pain on the left leg. I calmly looked up at the young intern and said "I don't think you froze my leg" His eyes went as big as saucers and he began to shake with the scalpel still in his hand. The doctor then said the most profound thing to the Intern "You are suppose to freeze the leg prior to operating." So the young intern grabs the freezing needle and at this point is shaking so bad it is ridiculous. I then think to myself "this gonna suck" and he proceeded to stick me with a shaking needle several times. The rest of the surgery went quite good but I never seen 2 people exit a room as fast the Doctor and Intern once the procedure was complete.
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Old 10-02-2018, 10:27 PM
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There was a housewarming party for my first house and many friends brought many friends for what turned out to be a great shindig, among them was an attractive nurse that I got confused about during our introductions. She had accompanied another nurse friend who was dating my ninjutsu sensei. I confused the two of them and was quite uncomfortable when she was hitting on me because I mistakenly thought she was dating sensei rather than the other woman that was. I was thinking she was great but no way was I going to break the unwritten buddy code, or at least I was mistaken in thinking the buddy code even applied in that instance. What a lost opportunity that was, great looking girl. I recall having had a good few drinks and letting slide with a Freudian slip when she asked what I was drinking. I fully expect some ribbing on this one for the frou-frou drink but who cares. It was a paralyzer but instead of Coke it had Dr Pepper in it. When I was replying to her question I uttered with a bit of a mild slur "Its a Dr Pecker paralyzer"

I swear I really meant to say Pepper! And at least it wasn't a mojito....
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Last edited by CaberTosser; 10-02-2018 at 10:40 PM.
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  #21  
Old 10-02-2018, 10:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Albertadiver View Post
Anyone remember the time that TheFisherManGuy needed some delicate assistance related to a piercing?
LOL, yes. I was a moderator then, and gave him until sunrise to get it resolved, as the the thread was getting pretty hilarious!
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  #22  
Old 10-02-2018, 10:49 PM
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One time there was palpable tension when Treeguy misspelled the word awkward.
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Old 10-02-2018, 11:21 PM
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Default funny, well not funny, kind of horrifying, scary, traumatic maybe

The only one I can think of that was really REALLY awkward was the first year I worked at the Collection Agency. I was in my office discussing a debt with a lady, her first time being in front of anyone in the profession of recovery.
We talked for a bit, trying to find ways for her to pay off her student loan or whatever it was, and finally she said,
'well there is just no way I am going to be able to pay it off, so you will have to let me do some trading'.
I was naive, thought maybe she had a vehicle, maybe a quad or boat....
and off came the clothes.
She was down to bra and panties in a few seconds, I just barely had time to start screaming for my Boss to 'get in here right now'.
There was absolutely NFWIH I was going to be alone with her in my office.

Of course he walked in, saw her stripping down, and got the biggest dumbest grin on his face, I was sitting there speechless and this woman is reaching for underwear.

I got her stopped just before any nudity, explained what had happened, and told her that we do not do that here, said she should maybe get dressed and come back another day with money.

Yep. Awkward. And yes she was hot.

In hindsight, 'Dear Penthouse, I can't believe this happened to me' lol
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I wasn't thinking far enough ahead for an outcome, I was ranting. By definition, a rant doesn't imply much forethought.....
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Old 10-03-2018, 08:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by huntinstuff View Post
......
BOOOOOOO!!!!

Dam Randy I didn't see this in time!!!!
What did I miss???

BH
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Old 10-03-2018, 05:22 PM
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I say BOOOOOOOO on Ken!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's what dreams are made of..... well for some... or most ... well me...
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  #26  
Old 10-03-2018, 06:58 PM
303carbine 303carbine is offline
 
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A friend of mine went in for the usual prostate exam procedure, after it was over, I asked him, "well, how'd it go?
He said, "my tonsils are fine".
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  #27  
Old 10-03-2018, 07:52 PM
xxclaro xxclaro is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 260 Rem View Post
I was 19 and had cyst growing on my left temple which Dr. Kuzyk scheduled for day surgery removal at the (Catholic) hospital in Vergreville. Zero hour comes and a nun/nurse starts my prep. “Strip and put on this gown”. (I thought stripping was a bit more than required but what do I know about sterile environments at 19.). “I see you didn’t remove your shorts, please take them off!” (Hmmm I’m starting to feel a bit uncomfortable but comply.). “ Get up on the table and pull up the gown so I can shave you!!” (That’s it, I’m ready to bail when the Doc walks in and says “What’s going on here?” ... The Nun looks at the poorly scribbled order sheet ... turns beet red ... and exclaims “Oh no, I thought it said “remove cyst from left testicle” .
Lol ol Doc Kuzyk! Was he a grouchy old bastard back then? I dealt with him at Veg Ford several times, he could be a real PITA sometimes..
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  #28  
Old 10-03-2018, 08:19 PM
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Christmas party for my partner 25 years ago

Im late. Shes already there. I see her talking to some guy at a table. She gets up and leaves the table before I can get there. So, I sit in her chair to await her return.

“Hey buddy, that seat is taken” says the guy at the table

I say “yeah I saw that”

He says “well i will be in that before the nights over”

I have an internal chuckle to myself. I never get mad at that crap. Ive always believed that no one “steals” your girlfriend or wife. Your girlfriend or wife leaves willingly. I digress.....

So my partner returns but goes to the bar first. Buddy boy gets up and follows her. I watch as he puts his arm on the small of her back. She gently removes his hand. Im still seated. She still doesnt know I’m there....

He does the hand thing again and she turns and I see her face. It’s that STOP IT look.

I get up. As he walks toward me I obtain his arm and the rest of his body follows me outside.

I gave him a short snowbath. I went back inside and he stayed outside for a bit

I walk to the table where my partner is sitting with this lady. We get introduced. She tells me she was late and had just arrived, and that her husband was supposed to meet her but she hadnt seen him yet

My partner says what does he look like ?

I ask the lady if she works with my partner. She says “oh im her supervisor “

Then this disheveled drowned rat lookin sob walks in.......tan colored suit btw.....

Its her husband. They left abruptly.

My partner says “did you just get here”?

Yup

Told her the whole story about 6 yrs ago

Last edited by huntinstuff; 10-03-2018 at 08:26 PM.
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  #29  
Old 10-03-2018, 08:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hayseed View Post
I say BOOOOOOOO on Ken!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's what dreams are made of..... well for some... or most ... well me...
Ken should have

Then added $1000 to her bill lol
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Old 10-03-2018, 09:05 PM
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Ackward?
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