The 'Silly' Thread!

[TreeGuy]

OK Folks. The season is over, Christmas is near and stress levels usually peak around this time of year. So lets get some laughs!

Have some good but clean jokes? Post 'em here. Have some good links? Let's see! Silly stories or pics........lets see those too!

I my house, we really make an effort to embrace 'silly' at least once a day. How many of our favourite hunting/fishing stories are more about the laughter than what was actually taken?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yatiNvPCf-k

This video has Richard Simmons as a guest star on Drew Carey's 'Whose Line is it Anyway' show and it will make you laugh until you cry!

Let's have some stress relief!

Tree

[TreeGuy]

Homer Simpson upon finding Marge with Duff Man:

"Holy crap! The mother of my children with the REASON for my children?!"

Tree

Thats a great clip Treeguy, i laughed pretty hard. That was one of my favorite shows when it used to be on now and then.

Heres some jokes i got emailed to me a long time ago. I consider a few of them to be classic.

Subject:Prairie Jokes
>>
>>
>> > > > > How do you know when your staying in a hotel in Okotoks,
>>Alta?
>> > > > >>When you call the front desk and say, "I've gotta leak in
>>my sink"
>> > > > >>and the person at the front desk says, "go ahead."
>> > > > >>___________________________
>> > > > >>Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking
>>age in
>> > > > >>Saskatchewan
>> > > > >>to 32?
>> > > > >>It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high
>>schools.
>> > > > >>__________________________________
>> > > > >>What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Alberta?
>> > > > >>A documentary.
>> > > > >> __________________________________________________
>> > > > >>How many rednecks does it take to eat a deer?
>> > > > >>Two. One to eat and one to watch for traffic.
>> > > > >> __________________________________________________
>> > > > >> Where was the
>> > > > >>toothbrush invented?
>> > > > >>Manitoba. If it was invented anywhere else it would have
>>been
>> > > > >>called
>> > > > >>a teethbrush.
>> > > > >>________________________________
>> > > > >> An Albertan RCMP pulls over
>> > > > >>a pickup truck on Highway 2.
>> > > > >>He says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says "Bout
>>what?"
>> > > > >> __________________________________________________
>> > > > >> Did you hear about
>> > > > >>the $3,000,000 Saskatchewan Provincial Lottery?
>> > > > >>The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
>> > > > >> __________________________________________________
>> > > > >> Why did O. J. Simpson
>> > > > >>want to move to Manitoba?
>> > > > >>Nearly everyone has the same DNA.
>> > > > >>________________________________________________ __
>> > > > >> Did you hear that the
>> > > > >>Premier's house in Calgary, Alberta, burned down?
>> > > > >>Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.
>> > > > >> __________________________________________________
>> > > > >> Two Albertans are walking
>> > > > >>down different ends of a street toward each other,
>> > > > >>and one is carrying a sack.
>> > > > >>When they meet, one says "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in
>>th'bag?"
>> > > > >>Jus' some chickens."
>> > > > >>"If I guess how many they are, can I have one?"
>> > > > >>"Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them."
>> > > > >>"OK. Ummmmmmmm . . . five?"
>> > > > >> __________________________________________________
>> > > > >> What do a divorce in
>> > > > >>Alberta, a tornado in Saskatchewan and a flood in Manitoba
>>have in
>> > > > >>common?
>> > > > >>Somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.
>> > > > >>________________________________________________ __
>> > > > >>An Albertan came home
>> > > > >>and found his house on fire. He rushed next door,
>> > > > >>telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over
>>here. My
>> > > > >>house is on fire!"
>> > > > >>"OK," replied the fireman, "How do we get there?"
>> > > > >>"Shucks, don't you still have them big red trucks?"
>> > > > >> __________________________________________________
>> > > > >> Why do folks in Manitoba
>> > > > >> go to the movies theater in groups of 18 or more?
>> > > > >> 'Cuz 17 and under not admitted.

[TreeGuy]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go

This one is called 'Achmed the Dead Terrorist'. It is from Jeff Dunham who is one of the world's best ventreloquists (I'll try to find his 'Walter' skit). Poor Achmed doesn't quite realize that he's dead yet! Very funnny!

Tree

[TreeGuy]

Here's Walter talking about marriage!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jkry3tGgMgo

Tree

[sullijr]

During the church service my wife and I attended last Sunday I turned to my wife and said....

"Honey I just let out a silent fart"...

"What should I do"

She turned; looked me straight in the eye and said..

"You need to change the batteries in your hearing aids when we get home"

[Skinnydipper]

Tears are definitely pouring.........thanks Tree

[Cordur]

It's been a few days since we poked fun at Quebecers, so here's a classic:

A Newfie and a Quebecer are walking down a beach. As they stroll along the Quebecer kicks a bottle and to their surprise out pops a genie!

The Genie booms, "I am a great and powerful genie here to grant your wishes! But since there are two of you I will only grant you one wish each. Since the french fellow is the one who freed me he may make the first wish."

The Quebecer only thinks for a moment before making his wish, "I wish there were no english people in Quebec and that there was a wall 100' high all around the province so that no english people could get in or french men get out."

The genie nods and says "Done!" Next he turns to the Newfie to listen to his wish. The Newfie thinks hard for a few minutes before speaking. "There's a 100' wall all the way around Quebec and no french men can get out right?" asks the Newfie. The genie nods. "Well then," says the Newfie, "fill it with water."

[Cordur]

Just remembered another classic that begs to be shared. Not very PG but not terrible.

During the war there was a great french fighter pilot named Jean Claude. On his greatest day he shot down 15 germans in one pass then circled back and shot down another 30! He lands his plane and heads to a local pub for a victory drink. Walking up to the bar, he bellows to the barkeep, "I am Jean Claude, de famous fighter pilet! Bring me a drink!" The barkeep grabs a glass and exclaims, "But of course Jean Claude, your drinks are on the house in my bar!"

As Jean Claude sits enjoying his drink he notices a beautiful lady sitting at the other end of the bar. He walks up to her, drink in hand and says, "I am Jean Claude de famous fighter pilet! Will you 'ave sex with me?" The lady blushes and exclaims, "You are Jean Claude de famous fighter pilet, of course I will 'ave sex with you!"

Back at Jean Claudes bedroom they quickly become passionate and Jean Claude begins to kiss her lips then neck and works his way down to her chest. He then reaches over and grabs a bottle of white wine from the night stand and opening it, splashes it all over her chest then begins to lick it off. The lady exclaims, "Jean Claude! Why do you pour white wine over my chest?!" Jean Claude replies, "Jean Claude always 'ave the white wine with his dark meat!"

Then Jean Claude keeps kissing his way down to her belly. He reaches over and grabs a bottle of red wine and splashes it over her belly, then kisses it off with fervor. "Jean Claude!," exclaims the woman. "Why do you pour red wine all over my belly?!" Looking up at her, he replies, "Jean Claude always have de red wine with his white meat!"

Finally Jean Claude works his way lower still and then reaches out to grab a bottle of brandy! He splashes it all over her ###### and then lights it on fire! "Jean Claude!!!!", shrieks the woman. "Why do you set my ###### on fire?!!"

Jean Claude leans back and raises a finger to the air, "Because," he says "when Jean Claude de famous fighter pilet goes down, he'a goes down in flames!!!"

[TreeGuy]

Keep 'em coming!

Tree

[TreeGuy]

CAUTION! There is swearing in this one so keep the wee ones away.

Hidden vid footage from a college guy who is fed up with his roomate slamming doors at 6 in the morning. He thanks him by putting butter on the floor!

The second one is an 'Oprah' like interview on Danish television with a married couple. The husband has had his testicles accidently removed in a medical mishap and the interviewer cracks up!

Tree

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXyxOIR-_Is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_uKKnUDJao

[altaberg]

awright Tree, here is a not co clean Newfie joke for you:

Newfie couple are going to New York for the honey moon.
First time ever they are going to be staying in a fancy hotel.

As tey check in the manager asks: what's the occasion for your visist to New York?

Newfie goes: well we are on our honey moon.

Manager: well in that case may be I can do something special for you. I could give you the bridal suite.
Would you like the bridal suite for the same price?

Newfie looks positively puzzled at that: Bridal suite?
Thinks about it for a while and then goes:
Bridal suite, nah I won't need that,
I 'll just hold her by the ears until she gets used to it.

[TreeGuy]

NO Comment!

They actually did a study in the UK to find out what the world's funniest joke was. Suprisingly, the winning joke was about hunting (true story) in Sask.!

Tree

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World%27s_funniest_joke

[altaberg]

two rednecks are driving down a rural road, country music blaring, both sucking back a bottle of beer.
They come around a corner and sure enough there's a mounty parked in a driveway.

Driver looks in the mirror and see the mounty pull out, cherry lights go on and the mounty comes after them. The other guy starts to panic: oh man we 're gonna be busted.

Driver says: calm down, trust me this will work, quick pull the labels off the beer bottles. The other giy looks puzzled but does as he is told.
The driver grabs one of the labels and paste it on his forehead and tells the other guys to do the same. The other guy looks befuddled but does as he is told.

Mounty catches up and they pull over, both with a Pilsener label stuck to their forehead.

Mounty walks up, flashlight in his left hand, right hand on his gun. Shines the
flashlight into the cab and takes a wiff of the air: you boys been drinking in there?
Driver: uh, no officer we 're on the patch!

[bearb8er]

I was just watching A Shockey bloopers video - funny! This was on it.

Jim and his dad are walking into a blind.
Jim's da says, "I took 1/2 a viagra this morning."
Jim, "Dad I don't want to hear about your sex life!"
Dad says, "Oh I didn't take it for sex - I just don't like peeing on my boots!'

[TreeGuy]

NOTE: To everyone on dial-up, I feel your pain (been there, done that). I only put up links that are (IMHO) worth your time and effort.

Tree

[OutwardBound]

Here's a good one that will make you laugh no matter what kind of day you've had and make you want to share it with family!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_enYxIftwE

[Reeves1]

Subject: 9 MONTHS LATER


Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up in
Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours,
they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered
the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge
house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained.
"I'm afraid neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn.
And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady
agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in
for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got
on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an
attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally
determined that it was from the attorney of! that attractive widow
he had met on the
ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do
you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on
our ski holiday up North?"

"Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the
house and pay her a visit?"

"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I
have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your
name?"

Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid
I did. Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

[chuck0039]

hope this works. got these in an email this morning thought they where funny

[Bobby B.]

Why are redneck homocides so difficult to solve? There's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

Here's on from the U of A Law Faculty. Why are all engineers jerk offs? It's the only thing they can grasp.

Bobby B.

[mackenzie71]

Here's a pretty funny fishing video. If this happened to me, I woulda had a stroke.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_UnV3RbCtg

[crestliner192]

LMAO

Here's one, if your married you might relate to the joke.



>>>> Why females should avoid girls night out after they are married:
>>>>
>>>> The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told
>>>> my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!" were my last
>>>> words.
>>>>
>>>> Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.
>>>> Around 3:00 a.m. and a bit loaded, we piled into a cab and headed for
>>>> our respective homes. Just as I got through the door, the cuckoo clock
>>>> in the hall started up and cuckoo'ed 3 times.
>>>>
>>>> Realizing my husband would probably wake up, I quickly cuckoo'ed
>>>> another 9 times. I was particularly proud of myself for coming up with
>>>> such a quick-witted solution to cover my tardiness. (Even when totally
>>>> smashed! 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos. MIDNIGHT!)
>>>>
>>>> The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him

>>>> midnight. He didn't raise an eyebrow or anything and continued to read
>>>> the morning paper. Whew! Got away with that one!
>>>>
>>>> Then he said, "I think we might need a new cuckoo clock."
>>>>
>>>> When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckoo'ed
>>>> three times, then said, "Oh, ****," cuckoo'ed 4 more times, cleared its

>>>> throat, cuckoo'ed another 3 times, giggled, cuckoo'ed twice more, then
>>>> tripped over the coffee table and farted."
>
>

[TreeGuy]

Good Stuff!

OK, here's a link to a game called 'Elf Bowling'. Basically its a bunch of dirty, wise-cracking elves on an aircraft carriers's deck. You pull back on their thongs and see how close you can get 'em to the edge. Hilarious and addictive!

Tree

http://www.nstorm.com/games/game_detail.asp?game_id=33

[Tuc]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9S7Rub-kJs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egCeI...eature=related