If only i had this knowledge before

[Hogie135]

Good day folks,

I posted a thread a little while ago about hurt which some of you may remember. I had it deleted just in case the other half would see it. I was hurt and blah blah blah asking for some advice. Since then, in doing a bunch of research and reading on the usual questions when you are thrown aside I have learned something incredibly valuable. This thread is not meant to ask for advice or what should I do's. It is meant for educating anyone in my position.

What I have learned, I wish I knew or saw it 13 years ago. What I have learned has actually helped me immensely. What I have learned still hurts but will shorten my recovery. This has to do with a certain mental health issue. A mental health issue my now ex has. It is no laughing matter. Until you are involved with one, the word Narcissist doesnt hold much value. That is until you start reading about it. Until you start you tubing it and seeing how many people are affected by it.

Narcissism is an evil evil thing. When I think about a narcissist I think of some ego inflated douche that's always trying to boost themselves up and not caring about others. Little did I know that there is more than one type. In my specific case, I married someone who is fake. They wear a mask. I was their "supply". Now unless you actually google this you may be confused. What I got together with 13 years ago, who I fell in love with is known as a "Covert Narcissist". I've never known that such a thing existed until now. Everything is now falling in to place. Every fight, every argument, every cheat, everything now makes sense.

In a nutshell, I've been played for those 13 years. I became her "supply". That being said, I'm not here for myself. I'm here to spread the knowledge of this. These people have no empathy for others. They are evil things that will use and abuse you for as long as they can until they find their next victim. They will make you question yourself. They will make you think you are to blame

There is lots of info online about this. I encourage anyone interested to read up on "Covert Narcissism".

I'll post a link to a you tube channel that I've been watching. It is really eye opening. This guy has tons of helpful videos.

Lastly, I'll say it once again. This thread is to pass on what I have learned, hopefully it can help anyone going through what I am. I am not looking for advice.

https://youtu.be/triSOJd6cUQ

Happy new years every one.

[Selkirk]

Thanks for sharing, Hogie ... I hope your life is much better now.

To help others here further understand 'Narcissism', I'll add this from the Mayo Clinic :

Link 👉 https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-...s/syc-20366662

Selkirk

[marky_mark]

Ha! I was married to one also
I just refer to her as the devil now
Glad i seen through the mask early on
Life gets better when they are out of the picture!

[moosepasture]

Not saying your ex wasn't a narcissist, but I would be careful. It's tempting to put all the blame on your ex for your relationship falling apart and I know a few people who did that when in reality both parties played some role. Nobody is pure good and the other pure evil, in my view. Putting all the blame on the other person might inhibit your ability to resolve the divorce amicably or to improve yourself in future relationships. If you have kids with her then no matter how rough the divorce is, you should try to stay level-headed for their sake.

[amosfella]

I was with a girl that was a clinically diagnosed narcissist. It was very much not fun. I know that it was clinically diagnosed, as she was in court ordered into counseling, and I guess that diagnosis came up because she spent 2 days ranting about it.

I to think that females are more often diagnosed as borderline personality disorder than narcissist based on a few of the things I have watched, but I could be wrong.

It would seem to me that modern society, and especially social media, have encouraged the development of narcissistic behaviors. It also seems that women are more drawn into social media status then men are.

Here's some other good videos.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uJs0iGQN0M

This guy has a large series of videos on how to deal with a narcissist, how to recover, etc.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WVLZXLyO-M

[RandyBoBandy]

Originally Posted by Hogie135

Good day folks,


Happy new years every one.

Hogie135, have you looked for help from a family psychologist? Seeking help from a psychologist is NOT a sign of weakness. Doctor Google is OK for some diagnosis's. Talking to a REAL professional can be amazing

[Ken07AOVette]

Hogie thanks for the update,

and

just don't stop talking to us.

There are people that care.

[Zip]

Originally Posted by Ken07AOVette

Hogie thanks for the update,

and

just don't stop talking to us.

There are people that care.

Yes...lots who care!
Zip

[Hogie135]

Guys and/or girls, I appreciate the love and care. This thread was meant more as a PSA. yes I'm still a bit hurt but this knowledge I'm passing out has helped me. That's what this thread is for. I realize not a lot of people might be in same boat but if one person can relate, it is worth it. NARCISSISM is no joke and ruins lives. It is a real mental health issue that took me 13 years to see. If you feel like you are in same boat message me and I can point you to a shut ton of info. It helps.

[Zip]

I know someone who has been living with this guy for many years now.. he is one of those narcissist people, everyone who has been around these two for any time at all can see right through the guy, but we can’t convince the woman what’s going on, then if the guy knows we talked to her about this.. he drives a wedge between us and her..no more contact us then forced upon us and the lady he is slowly trying to get rid of family and friends by telling such bad stories about the rest of us.. we have come to a point where trying to help is actually hurting.. there is no winning this one.. The guy in question is some sorta work let me tell ya...
Zip

[Savage Bacon]

I read your post from before and was wondering what had happened. My ex (daughters mother) and I were in a similar situation. We've been apart for about 10 years now and I'm thankful every day that I finally ended it. Her side of the family had a long history of mental illness. And it is hereditary, in the sense that their children hear what they say since birth and grow up believing it, and sometimes becoming the same person. I, like you, was trying everything to make it work. While she was doing everything to make it fail. I'm glad you you've come to terms with this and are on the positive track back up the hill. Talk to friends when you can and go to a few groups. You're not alone. And believe me, it gets better!

[Hogie135]

Originally Posted by Zip

I know someone who has been living with this guy for many years now.. he is one of those narcissist people, everyone who has been around these two for any time at all can see right through the guy, but we can’t convince the woman what’s going on, then if the guy knows we talked to her about this.. he drives a wedge between us and her..no more contact us then forced upon us and the lady he is slowly trying to get rid of family and friends by telling such bad stories about the rest of us.. we have come to a point where trying to help is actually hurting.. there is no winning this one.. The guy in question is some sorta work let me tell ya...
Zip

Dont try to help her overtly, just give her the information. She will do what she wants with it. Once she reads what he is she will see, but it has to be on her terms. If you like I can pass on to you some links and you tube channels that will help.

[marky_mark]

Did you guys have kids?

[Hogie135]

Originally Posted by marky_mark

Did you guys have kids?

We have 2 girls. 11 and 8

[AndrewM]

I haven't read this book but a buddy that went through exactly what you went through highly recommends it. The more you know about narcissists the more you realize they are all the same and there are a lot more out there than you ever imagined. This book sets up what to expect from them. Highly recommend for anyone dealing with one.

https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/160...?ie=UTF8&psc=1

[Nyksta]

"the subtle art of not giving a F***" by Mark Manson is a good book. His second book "everything is F***ed, a book about hope" is a bit dry, but explains why a lot of people become narcissistic. The audible versions are about 6 hours long each. I recommend them if you are looking for some clarity on what is important now.

[stuckincity]

Be extremely careful when it comes to divorce court.
Men ALWAYS get financially raped there, here in Canada, even when the wife is 100% at fault. This ain't California where the courts are more fair towards men.

Get a real good lawyer no matter how much SHE costs - that means a woman lawyer who hates other women, and is afflicted with The Queen-Bee Syndrome and is probably a narcissist herself.

She'll fight the hardest for you to make life miserable for some other woman - just because.....

[amosfella]

From what I've seen, if the guy files for divorce first and files under abuse grounds it'll be better for him. Most lawyers don't want to file divorce for abuse because, as I understand, it lowers their income for the case, and therefore, they will try to steer you to no fault divorce. They always say that it's better to file no fault. But they fail to say better for whom.

Also, a divorce on grounds of abuse can be filed for almost immediately from what I understand.