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04-16-2014, 01:59 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Westerose
Posts: 4,113
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Who needs a laugh?
I figured that after the "Question for all the born and breed Albertans" thread that some of you could use a laugh.
ARG
The only cow in a small town in Alberta stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow up in Melfort, Saskatchewan, for $200.
So they bought the cow in Melfort, brought it back to Alberta and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.
Then they decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought a bull and put him in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.
The people were very upset and decided to ask the local veterinarian, who was very wise, what to do. They told the vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away" they said. "If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."
The veterinarian thinks about this for a minute and asks, "Did you buy this cow in Saskatchewan?"
The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Saskatchewan?"
The veterinarian replied, with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Saskatchewan."
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In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre, 'Au revoir, gopher'.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sjemac
It has been scientifically proven that a 308 round will not leave your property -- they essentially fall dead at the fence line. But a 38 round, when fired from a handgun, will of its own accord leave your property and destroy any small schools nearby.
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04-16-2014, 02:09 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Red Deer
Posts: 2,387
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...cause we're smart in Saskatchewan!
Funny story, thanks for sharing.
Cheers
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~Men and fish are alike. They both get into trouble when they open their mouths.~ 
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04-16-2014, 02:16 PM
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Gone Hunting
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Between Bodo and a hard place
Posts: 20,168
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An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband once again and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest, meanest, woman I've ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He said he thinks he knows you!".
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I'm not lying!!! You are just experiencing it differently. 
It isn't a question of who will allow me, but who will stop me.. Ayn Rand
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04-16-2014, 02:20 PM
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Provost
Posts: 5,011
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:d :d 
The jokes.... 
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04-16-2014, 02:24 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Alberta
Posts: 24,070
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Both very good jokes!
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Only dead fish go with the flow. The rest use their brains in life.
Originally Posted by Twisted Canuck
I wasn't thinking far enough ahead for an outcome, I was ranting. By definition, a rant doesn't imply much forethought..... 
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04-16-2014, 02:59 PM
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Westlock
Posts: 5,535
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Quote:
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"Question for all the born and breed Albertans"
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Did lots of that back in the "day".
You may be my "off-spring" 
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04-16-2014, 05:41 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Calgary Alberta
Posts: 45
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04-16-2014, 08:55 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: In the shadow of the Valhalla Mountains, BC .
Posts: 9,175
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Mac 
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04-17-2014, 11:10 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: langdon
Posts: 24
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That's too funny.
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04-17-2014, 11:13 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Red Deer
Posts: 2,387
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Hilarious. I need to quit looking at this at work, people are staring at me!
Cheers
__________________
~Men and fish are alike. They both get into trouble when they open their mouths.~
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04-17-2014, 11:53 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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04-17-2014, 11:57 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: central Alberta
Posts: 12,629
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An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned
to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total
stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God,
or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which
the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't even know s**t?"
And then she went back to reading her book.
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04-17-2014, 12:38 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,772
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For the Catholics...
Two guys get a plane behind two nuns...
One guy turns to the other and says where are you going?... The one guys says France..... the other guy tells him he should not go there as there to many Catholics there and that would eb no good...
So the guy says wellmaybe I should go to irelannd... the other guy says naw too many catholoics there and they are fighting and stuff.
The guy says well maybe I will go to Italy.... the other guys says... never ...too many Catholics again and even the top one is there.....
One of the nuns turns around ands says Why don't you both go to hell.... aint no Catholics there!....
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04-17-2014, 12:45 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,772
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An Albertan, A bc'r and an Ontariomoronare all partaking of their favorite substance while sitting around a fire. The bc'r was smokin some Lumby Leaf.... the Albertan drinkin some gibsons the Ontariomoron drinking some fancy white wine....
After a bit they start arguing who was tougher....The fire had burned down to coals and the BC'r says watch this.... he puts his hand in and grabs a coal really quickly and sets it down.... the Ontario moron says watch this and grabs two coals one after another.....
The Albertan just sat quietly continuing to turn the coals over with his dick...
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04-18-2014, 03:14 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: In the woods
Posts: 8,923
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During a long day of looking around Cabela’s, a couple of my friends and I stopped in at Hooter's for some Hot Wings and drinks.
After being there for a while, one of my friends asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with.
I told them "The one who knows how to fix elevators."
I'm old, tired, and have to pee a lot.
__________________
I feel I was denied, critical, need to know Information!
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