Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If you ain't making' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder....
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
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