I was 16 when my good friends dad killed himself. It was a terribly sad thing. That was 15 years ago and I can honestly say that it is still something I think about to this day.
He was a great dad, we all loved going over to his house. He ran a diving company outside Nanaimo and he always seemed so happy to those that knew him. It was a complete shock when it happened. At least for most of us.
I can only speak about my own experiences and looking back now I think I would have gone about it in a different way. We gave our condolences. We went to the funeral and we tried to make like as normal as possible for our good friend. I think its hard for boys to communicate. I think its very hard for young male teenagers to show emotional support. It something that is tragically lacking in our society today. Men are supposed to be strong and always tough
Maybe being married over the last 5 years and having 2 children of my own have altered my perspective on how a man should be and act.
I can be a strong man and still cry and still show emotion. Someone who shows emotion is not weak. In fact I think now its the opposite. We all have feelings but it takes a real person to show them.
What I am trying to say is, I wish I talked to my friend about it. I wish we discussed his fathers suicide. Or at the very least made more of an attempt. He always knew we were there for him but I think I could have done more. I should have done more. I was too scared to talk to him about it that I don't think he ever really had the chance to grieve the way he should.
We are all different and we all handle things like this differently. If this is your sons close friend then he will know what to do. Just tell him to follow his instincts.
Perhaps next time you see him you can do the same? It might be hard as hell. I know it would be. I could feel the pain in your post. It was powerful. Let that child know that your house is a safe house. For all you know, you may be the next father figure in his life.
I by no means am trying to tell you how to live your life or what to do. Hell I am only 31 I can only draw on my past experiences. Whatever you do it will be the right thing. It sounds like you have a great son.
Shawn
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