Her: will you still love me if I get fat?
Me: your in great shape, I'm not worried bout it
Her: but what if I do, like after kids?
Me: that's no excuse for growin ass blubber, besides you have a treadmill I have handcuffs, that'll take care of the prob...BANG...and that's why I won't teach you to shoo...BANG...for f sakes...BANG!
Her: OUCH look what you did!
Me: it's my fault a shell casing burned your forehead while trying to kill me?!?
Her: you're being a dick
Me: no I have one and if you learned what to do with it we would both be happie..BANG
Later..
Clerk: "Another box of blanks! you know she's gonna figure it out one day"
Me: you don't have much experience with blondes do ya
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