The size of the person has little to do with how they handle recoil. That said, less recoil is better than more recoil because it tends to have a cumulative effect and most tournaments or clay shooting events are a couple hundred rounds per day.
Most 20 gauge guns are packaged in lighter frames than 12 gauges so the recoil is proportionately just as much as the 12's. In fact, I've owned a couple of 20's that kicked far worse than my 12's!
A gas operated semi will give lighter recoil than most other types but be aware that guns with light weight plastic stocks such as the Weatherby Sa-08 can still kick hard due to the lack of recoil absorbing weight.
Light target loads in 12 gauge with a 1 oz payload at 1150 fps are plentiful and even lighter loads can be purchased if these prove to be too much.
For an all around gun, I'd get one designed for Sporting Clays. They are very similar to a Skeet gun and can be used for Trap. Trap guns are specialized and pattern high for rising targets.
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