do I cut ties with a friend for 10 years?
 

background
met him & wife 11 years ago to go on a 3 hour car cruise to west of rocky mtn house
we did this the next year and decided to do it annually with a couple of,other folks to spread the word

it is now a week long cruise with 2 of us planning, booking hotel rooms and booking stops for entertainment purposes (last year we took on 2 more good guys)

we have a Facebook page and for the last 6 years did a lottery draw for the 30 places or spots on the week long car cruise as we have over 60 entries and 25 spots not taken but 4 organizers and 1 photographer couple

He has become a left loonie and his unemployed wife even more so

we don’t talk much politics as he hates ALMOST everything I believe in
he is a dipper or socialist really left leaning

with the 2 wars discussion he is getting even more radical

he had to go to a shrink for his stress after visiting a car website that has a political forum on a USA site

nice enough guy but I find myself becoming less willing to put up with his ideas,

he will not listen to ideas that don’t fit the cnn main-stream-media narrative

he is not a gun guy so won’t be on this site

I feel like quitting the group cruise as finding myself not wishing to spend time with individuals that will not rationally discuss important topics, and will not read or watch short under 10 minute podcasts or coverage of events to SHOW IN REAL TIME WHAT WAS SAID so there can be no spin on the facts

there are a few GOA employees of spouses that don’t talk to me anymore along,the same lines, just quote cnn headlines

with the law fare in the usa, with the lack of reason in todays world
example the 4 million bucks Trudeau spending on land mine clearing only if they are used by DEI groups the world is a mess

I enjoy reading actual coverage and commentary like victor david Jansen to form opinions on the world of today

do I just punt this guy or hide my distain for his lunacy

or check myself into a nut house for a month?

NOT asking for a friend

Thoughts without going into politics so the thread gets cancelled

seriously posed questions, how do you handle these life events

I would never choose to willingly spend free time with someone whom I know it will be impossible to have anything beyond the most surface level discussions. Can’t make it any more simple than that. Punt him or find something else. Life’s too short.

Politics aside. My 'spare' time is very valuable to me, and any vacation time I get or time outside of having to be at work is a big deal to me.

I don't have time to waste on people that are going to bring negativity to my life. Call me selfish, and I'm ok with that.

I have a fair number of people I would call acquaintances, that I'll go for a coffee with, or spend a dinner etc. Stay on friendly terms, chat over texts and a bit of social media, stuff like that. Maybe go fishing or on a hike or something like that.

I don't have a lot of close friends, and the ones I do have have been through thick and thin with each other for decades plus. Many of us were in each other's wedding parties etc. Now we're at the age where that was around the 20 year range ago for us and we can always depend on each other for whatever comes up.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that for the OP if you truly get heartburn whenever you're around this person and his spouse, why continue to force something when it sounds like both couples would probably be happier hanging out in different circles?

check myself into a nut house for a month?

^ this and then get counselling for a couple of weeks..
or do what you think is best

I feel sorry for this guy but punt him. There is no reasoning with a left wing looney. We deleted CNN off my aunts TV and she has gotten better but that’s family. It helped that she had some major side effects from a recent needle LOL.

Yeah same here

I don’t talk to people I don’t like or feel are a waste of effort. I don’t need friends that badly and don’t worry if others like me

I have a lot of folks I talk to and friends with that lean both ways depending on their situation and their backgrounds. I almost never talk politics or religion with any of them unless they bring it up. Which of course has been polarized over the last bit.

Even before that though if they were not able to have an open and honest back and forth, and see things from another perspective that they might not see I probably wouldn’t deal with it long. I’ve had to do this only a couple times but it is very freeing.

Tough call. Guess you could ask yourself whether or not losing the friend, or having the conversation is worse? Human nature to avoid conflict, I get it for sure.

I had a similar drama in my life a couple of years back, the decision to continue a friendship or not. It relied on my turning a blind eye to some pretty extremist views and while I don't share them and never really challenged, it was easier to ignore them as it started-off as kind of a business relationship. Not my business to tell anyone how to act/think.

It didn't end well in my case, and I do miss my friend.

I ran into this last year.

Friend from over 20 years has gone far far left and militant vegan. She gets triggered at everything and can't handle anyone having a different point of view. Her assertion is that if you didn't agree with her you are a far right racist. Super self righteous.

Anyway, it all ended on a group trip last year. I mostly ignored her comments about our meals, about white men, about conservatives, about my truck, everything... whatever... but eventually I pushed back as she started into her latest speech on Trump and conservatives and everything else... I didn't back down and picked her apart questioning simple logic and asking for examples of her claims, she couldn't support her statements or handle not being agreed with and went into swearing and insults including in front of young kids and that was that.

She packed up and left the next day, and our remaining friends, all of them generally left of the spectrum, were relieved. We had a great rest of trip. My friends don't have to agree with me, but if your position and ego are that fragile, if you can't have a friendly discussion with a 20+ year friend about your ideas? Well I guess you should keep it to yourself and I guess maybe we weren't really that good of friends.

We don't have to agree, but life is too short... not going to waste anything on that

This. 100%.

You need this in your life? Come on.

Bye, bye I would say. Start a new crew and do the same trip with people you tactually enjoy being around.

Easy.

You need to cut ties... life is wayyy to short to waste time do something you don't enjoy especially on holidays

Do watch FOX and CBC ?

In my mind there is a difference between a friend and an acquaintance. One or two friends is more than enough. A friend is a confidant, someone I can run my heart past, share my hurts and worries. Anyone else is an acquaintance, nothing wrong with them, I walk with them and sometimes even going fishing with acquaintances and enjoy their company although that is getting strained (lefties).

There are friends, and people who aren't friends. Seems simple enough. If I have to walk around on eggshells, or bite my tongue continually around someone, it will be a very brief acquaintance. But I don't even talk to my brother anymore, so I'm maybe not the best resource on relationship stuff.

Some friendships have expiry dates.

At the time and place, the friendship made sense. They things evolve or devolve and you have to make a decision.

Personally, I have been in your position several times. And I have been on your buddies side too...lol

Ive changed over the years. Many of us do. There is stuff I used to tolerate, but now I do not. At all.

Traveling and being unhappy is not good. Enjoy your life and those who are in it. Life is a bus ride. Never know why or when the driver pulls over and lets someone off....forever

Acquaintances or friends. Two distinct differences.

Friend have shared likes and experiences and stuff you agree on. A friend if he starts going full tilt loose cannon politics regardless if far left or far right and you can tell his to shut and heck up, get over himself and pass a beer and you both laugh and move on… then alls good.

If after saying that to him or him to you and there are nasty looks, rolling eyes, snarky comments and it starts to fester… likely it’s not worth it.

That said so many issues have become super emotional for many regardless of political affiliation. So have a frank conversation and both agree what’s off limits to keep the trip light hearted and fun for all with no drama.

If agreed to… great. If bitchy about it… not so great.

But watch for blind spots of things you say that triggers others. Usually takes two to tangle.

I have friends that we aren’t 100% aligned with on some topics. We know that and it’s just topics you stay away from. All people can bring value to the table if let in and vice versa.

I cut ties with a good friend a while back, something I really hated to do. He's on his third wife, first two are deceased, met her on the internet and she's taken over his life, right down to telling people she now owns half the farm. She's alienated his entire family, not to mention her own and the neighbors. A mutual acquaintance described her as a malignant narcissist, it fits. Life' s too short for that crap.

Two tiered approach. Just attend the short car cruise with him. Nothing else beyond that. You both dig cars and the cruise that much is obvious after 11 years. If that don't cut it then drop him. Life is too short wasting time hanging with people that don't align with your beliefs. I would be up front about it though. If he says F it then you can rest knowing you did it the proper way.

Cannot believe this is a serious question. I am quite open minded and very tolerant. I have acquaintances that are right wing, centre and left wing. My close friends tend to be centre or right leaning. What I don't have is anyone I spend time with.that are closed minded, and unwilling to see other perspectives. An inability to tolerate other points of view means they are true bigots, of small intellect, thus completely uninteresting and no fun to be around. I also don't wish to be seen to be associated with people who act that way. Lie down with dogs, you end up with fleas.

Life is short , do you want to spend it walking on eggshells?

How important is the week long cruise to you and the wife? If you spearhead the expulsion, will the others in the group accept it and it goes on as per or do you become the bad guy if he rallies them against you.


Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't kinda thing. I wouldn't call it a fun holiday anymore from what you say he is like.

This.
Couldn’t have said it better!

BW

Pretty sure you know the answer . Life is too short and time is valuable don’t waste it on unnecessary people.

Picking your friends is a lot like picking a wife. The other person has to reflect your value system back on you. In other words their core values have to mesh with yours. If you didn't respect your wife's core values she wouldn't be your wife and the reverse is true also.

Optional values are not deal breakers. You like Ford's your buddy likes Chev's. You like blondes he like brunettes, stuff like that. It's core values that build respect.

A few people that I call my friends, I could call anytime day or night to help me hide a body. :thinking-017:

The rest are acquantances and come and go in my life. I am pretty easy going and open-minded so not much gets under my skin. Live and let live is a good strategy to stay sane in this crazy world.

Core values are things like: honesty, integrity character. If you don't have them - neither will your friends.

Time to move on man… Life is too short to spend it with people who offer nothing except stress and aggravation. It isn’t mean to move on. People come into your life and people go from your life. That is life. The older I get the smaller I find my circle. I don’t care what anyone’s views are so long as we can have reasonable discussion and value each others opinions…

After a weeks vacation doing something you "personally" enjoy you should be coming back with good memories and refreshed. If you cannot get away with the other people in the group to avoid this fellow then you have to ask yourself if coming back cranky and down is worth it or would you be better off starting a new group up.

I have people I know that are very left leaning --- I can have a coffee with them, shoot a round of clays, have a hunt but not spend more time than that. Quality time measured in days is spent with people of similar values and not people that put me out of sorts.

Vacation time and life is much to short for me to be put off by people that add mental stress.

Yup. Also life is too short for a crappy campfire. Lol

Say no to violence. Fictional scenario bellow.

You could try to knock some sense into him. If you're ok with giving your pretty long relationship one more shot. Tell him to keep his jiberish to himself. If he starts to argue, let him have it. He'll either change his tune, and you can carry on being friends, or he won't.

Whatever happens, you're going to feel much better about it.

Again, I don't condone violence. Think about it tho.

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